


The Vagrant Knight

by SatansSin



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/F, Fake Relationship, M/M, Romance, pretend husband and husband, there is a bad guy, you're gonna have to guess who
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 06:01:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 87,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20701094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatansSin/pseuds/SatansSin
Summary: After losing his Knight in Shining Armor, Loki must find a way to replace him.It comes as no surprise that he finds one.Thor is a vagrant man with nothing to lose - save for his heart, which he suddenly finds in the hands of a green eyed potion maker.





	1. Prologue

Outside, the wind howled

For the better part of the last hour, a storm had taken its fury upon the abbey and unleashed it ill temper without mercy. The abbey, a monstrous construct of stone and brick had housed generations of the nobility residing within. Lightning snapped in the distance, thunder rumbled in synch with it and lit the inside of the library at the abbey, white and stark against the golden glow of the fire lit within.

The fury of the elements was still there, but it was fading.

Odin Borson sat within, contemplating the fact that even his constant reading of the arcane lore of ancient civilizations was no longer enough to keep him from the stubborn case of ennui that had over taken him.

His attention was only taken by the bleak and dismal weather that was hitting his lands outside and the quiet thumping of his dog, Fenrir’s tail upon his carpets. The crackling of the fire was a gentle thrum of sound behind him and he was listening quietly to the tapping rain and the whistling wind.

He was sure the storm wouldn’t let up for another few hours and surely, soon enough, he would be joined in this room, by his dutiful wife.

His sons, the eldest, Halvor was on his tour of the Continent with his young tutor and taken his youngest, Hodor, with him on the expedition.

Odin Borson, Earl of the land of Asgard, was surprised by how quiet his halls now were. He had only his wife and Fenrir as company as most of his staff avoided him as much as they could.

Beside him, on the floor, Fenrir whined and Odin lowered the book he had in his hand to give him a look.

“The problem is too much reading rather than a lack of it, I believe” he told him “mayhap it is time that we hunted again, aye?”

Fenrir was eager to that and thumped his tail once more on the carpets to give his accordance with his idea.

“Unfortunately” Odin stood from his chair and went to get some brandy “there is nothing of interest to hunt in these woods, since the cold months are coming. I guess we will just have to make do”

He poured himself some of the drink and saw Fenrir looking up in curiosity.

“Nay, friend” he said “this is not for you. your wisdom, I will take, however”

He came back to rest in his previously occupied chair and sat with a heavy sigh to look out the window again.

“I must find a way to entertain myself or I will end up at a grisly little character in a gothic novel” he told Fenrir “do you agree?”

Fenrir’s ear twitched and Odin suspected he had even less interest in those sorts of books than the lost himself.

“I can imagine myself walking through the halls, moaning and groaning as though I was a ghost” he told him “haunting the pretty heroines as they explore my palace”

Once more, Fenrir deemed his words unworthy and closed his eyes.

Odin glanced at his bookshelves, realizing they didn’t interest him either.

He truly hoped this sensation would pass him and soon. Otherwise it will have settled deep into his bones. He took another sip of brandy and watched the rain pelt the glass of his window again.

Fenrir stirred and raised his head. He didn’t look at Odin this time, his gaze was on the window, outside.

“Are you bothered by the storm?” Odin asked “Don’t be, you’ve seen worse”

As had Odin, since this dog was nearly as old as he was – in his own canine years.

Fenrir ignored him

He heaved a leisurely effort and stood, motionless, for a few seconds. Then he padded to the window to look out.

Odin frowned at his alert air and realized that someone was approaching the Asgard Abbey.

In the middle of the night.

In the worst storm of the season.

“Impossible” Odin said “No one comes here without an invitation from me”

He stood, too, going to stand by Fenrir and surely, upon the next flash of lightning, he saw lightened on the pathway to his house, a carriage rushing towards his home. The sound of its approach followed not seconds after and Odin realized that someone truly had the unmitigated gall to approach him at his home at this hour, without an invite.

“Bloody damn hell” Odin grasped his glass a little bit tighter “whoever it is will no doubt wish to have a bed in my home for the night, Fenrir.”

Fenrir was focused on the approaching carriage.

“But Heimdall will turn him away, I am sure” Odin took another sip from his drink.

Heimdall was one of his most trusted staff members and had been here almost as long as Odin had been. He knew how to handle unwanted guests better than most.

He knew that the Asgard nobles were inhospitable in the best of days.

It did not make well for a social life.

Fenrir began to rumble. It was not his welcoming growl, either, more like a question about who dared to come here at this hour and why. One that Odin shared, too.

Outside, the carriage came to a halt.

Hooves danced upon the ancient stones of his home and voices called out from down below.

A couchman shouted demands for help with the horses and another voice yelled louder.

“Move yer arse!” a very, very familiar voice spoke “The Lordship needs to be woken.”

Odin stilled.

He knew that voice.

Fenrir’s ears perked and he looked out of the window as, in the darkness, lit by the flashes above, a cloaked figure ran through the doors and into the home.

Reluctantly, Odin placed his drink aside and strode to the door, Fenrir at his heels.

Down below, the scene of chaos the carriage brought was slowly being tackled and Odin went to receive his guest.

The ‘guest’ had on a many caped great coat and upon seeing him down in the first floor lobby, Odin couldn’t hold back a groan.

Thrym looked every bit the ragged man he’d been when Odin last saw him.

His silver and grey flecked hair was damp, his mustache, which was always proudly groomed was now a mess and his eyes looked tired.

He was shaking out his great coat when he gazed upon Odin and bowed his head in respect

“Lord Asgard”

“Aye” Odin descended the stairs, Fenrir by him

He kept him calm with a hand on his broad head but Thrym still eyed him warily.

Good, Odin thought.

Thrym had a nasty habit of plucking other people’s possessions without warning.

“Do tell me” Odin’s voice was quiet, but not lacking authority “what brings you here, to my home, at this hour, uninvited?”

Thrym looked regretful to what he was about to say, but he held his coat in his hands and looked at him.

“My lord” he spoke, his voice shaking with sadness “Balder was killed abroad”

Odin froze.

His eyes widened for a moment before he looked upon this man again, as though in disbelief at what he was saying.

“I beg your pardon?” he asked

“Balder” Thrym said “was on an expedition close to Jotunhiem. He and his men were ambushed and killed. We do not know why or who did it, but I fear I, myself, saw his body.”

Odin’s chest hurt as he looked at this man.

Grief was deep inside him but he was not to show it.

Not here, not anywhere.

Most certainly not before his wife, who would only hurt him with her indifference and relief.

“I see” Odin said “and what of …”

“His brother, I do not know” Thrym’s face was depressed “no one had seen him these past seven years”

“Is he alive?” Odin asked

“No news of his death has reached us so we assume he is” Thrym told him “my lord, my condolences …”

“Aye,” Odin cut in sternly, then looked at Heimdall “see that he gets good rooms and hot food before he rests. Take care of the others as well”

“Aye, my lord” Heimdall replied

“Good, man” Odin turned back to Thrym “Now pardon me, I have to get to bed, the hour is late, as it is”

“Of course” Thrym said, his gaze uncertain “I am sorry I bring bad news”

“It is all well” Odin told him, turning back “Fenrir, come”

Fenrir’s claws clicked on the floor as he followed him, his tail wagging.

Odin gave no indication of what he felt, not to his dog, not to his staff and not to his wife when she asked him why he was so late in joining her in bed.

“No reason, dear” Odin pulled his covers up “fare well in your sleep”

She muttered something unintelligible and gave him her back, falling asleep in minutes.

Odin stayed awake, his thoughts racing with each other, wrapping around one another as he went from past to present, to a future where he was lacking a son on his deathbed.

Or two, if he was precise.

Thor and Balder, his sons, borne by the woman he’d loved so long ago, born within minutes of each other, identical miracles Odin had held only once in his life before they were taken by chance and circumstance.

Odin closed his eyes then, to realize the catch in his throat and the single tear that slipped from his eye as he gave a shaky breath.

Balder, his beautiful son, was dead.

***

_~Seven Years Ago_~

“It is highly unlikely that the Lord of Seidr is still untouched” Thrym said “But under your circumstances, I’m certain that you will find yourself able to overlook that situation”

Balder looked at this guardian impassively. His reaction to the news about his future spouse having dishonored himself already was virtually undetectable, a mere tightening of his fingers around his wine cup.

Yet, as a bastard son, who’d been obliged to make his way in the world himself, with his sword and intellect, he’d found it easy to control what emotions he exhibited. He’d become so skilled that many thought he didn’t feel them.

Thrym was included in those people.

“You say he is an heir?” Balder concentrated on the most important aspect of this “he holds lands?”

“Aye”

“Then he will be a suitable spouse”

Thrym was right. As long as the man wasn’t carrying, he didn’t mind overlooking the lack of honor. Especially if it meant he would gain lands of his own.

Lands of his own. The words shimmered before him like a promise.

A place where he would belong; a place where he was not someone’s bastard nor a stain on someone’s reputation. He would find a place where he was not just tolerated or consider temporarily useful because of his kill with a sword. He wanted to live in a place where he had a right to sit in front of his own hearth and fire.

Balder was twenty eight years old. He knew that he would likely never be granted this opportunity again. He had long since learnt to seize whatever chance fate threw his way. This philosophy had helped him a great deal in the past and he knew it would help in the future, too.

“He is now the sole master of the Isle of Seidr” Thrym sipped his wine from his ornately carved silver cup and looked at Balder over the rim “His father, Sir Laufey, a knight much like you, favored travel in intellectual pursuits over anything that had to do over ruling his Isle. Unfortunately, word reached me recently about his demise. He was murdered while on a voyage in Spain”

“There are no other heirs?”

“Nay” Thrym said “Two years ago, Helblindi, Laufey’s elder son broke his neck in a foolish tournament. Loki, the second born, is the only one left. He inherits the manor”

“So as Sir Helblindi’s liege, you have wardship over Loki” Balder said “he will wed to whomever you choose”

“That remains to be seen” Thrym smirked, just a little bit

Balder realized he was concealing a smile. As someone who possessed a naturally serious and restrained temperament, he was not one to show much mirth. He rarely, if ever, responded to jests and japes that had many laughing uproariously.

Not that he minded, his unsmiling countenance complimented his reputation as a ruthless man very nicely. And as a knight, it was a dangerous world for him to go through. Having his own men be wary around him granted him the authority that made him one of the finest knights in the lands.

Balder had been raised by his mother alongside his wayward brother, until the age of eight. During that time, Odin, their father, had been a frequent visitor to his home. They were not allowed to live in the city where Odin did, but he made it a point to visit them every week and give them the care and love they needed.

But when they turned eight, his mother went ill.

There had been a fiercely cruel time for him and his brother, who was a few minutes younger to him. He would never forget his rage nor his fear as he watched his mother get weaker and weaker until, what they all feared happened.

She passed not a week and a half after she took ill and Balder along with his twin brother, Thor, were taken back to the city with their father, to live with him on Asgard abbey.

Odin’s wife, Lady Gaia, beautiful, cold and proud, had no option but to take the boys and tolerate this situation. She was understanding but had not gone out of her way to welcome the two twin brothers into her home.

It made them both deeply aware of their status as outsiders. They missed the contemplative, welcoming environment of their mother’s household immediately. And because of it they both poured themselves into their training, turning their energies to lance and sword. They practiced endlessly for years in their quest for satisfaction.

When they didn’t study, they sought out the solitude Odin’s large library offered them. There, they read anything the librarian, Brother Skurge, had deemed them worthy enough to read.

By the time they were seventeen, they had studied a wide range of subjects. Where Balder stuck to treatsies and mathematics, Thor had turned to further widening his skills with weapons. Balder pondered the theories of Aristotle about the four elements and Thor lunged upon his sparring with anything he could hold.

Balder’s knowledge had little practical use but his training was good enough that he was taken as a knight very quickly. Many powerful men, including Odin himself, had seen promise in him and saw considerable use for a man who knew how to hunt thieves and the like.

Balder was good – Thor was better.

And it was the very first time that the two, on their eighteenth birthday, decided to use their skills to carve out lucrative careers for the two of them.

No one knew that it was Thor, not Balder, who raced upon horses and caught thieves mid run. No one knew that Balder planned and Thor was the predator.

The business of snaring outlaws paid them very well and both of them were adept at it. He was never truly enamored with it, but it was a means to gain them both a good enough living. He could not, however, satisfy the smoldering desire he had for lands of his own.

He wanted to have his own fields, his lands, Thor lived for adventure.

For Thor, it was easy, for Balder, only his liege lord, Odin, could grant him the manor he so desperately craved.

Four days before the last time Balder saw Thor, he was invited to meet with Thrym and was told that whatever he wanted to gain was at his fingertips.

And he sat there, now, at this hour, learning that it was about to be fulfilled. He was about to gain a spouse with a blemished reputation, but vast lands. It was a small price to pay and Balder knew that in this life, nothing came without paying a little bit, at least.

“How old is he?” Balder asked

“Eighteen” Thrym said “I believe”

“And still unwed?” Balder asked “Jotuns wed early, do they not?”

“Some do not wish to” Thrym said “but families find it easier to have their bære wed off as soon as they reach maturity. Jotunhiem has been plagued with many, many people who wish to take them and use them for their gain. Loki was no different and fell prey to one of the vassals, who are vying for his land”

Balder frowned “He seduced him?”

“From what I hear,” Thrym said “Sir Byleistr, a knight from his neighboring isle, virtually kidnapped him and held him at Helheimr manor for four days”

“Did he force him to accept him as a husband?”

“Aye, Loki, however, refused”

Balder raised a brow at that. That was news. He was not surprised by the tale, there were such for years, ever since bære existed. They were hunted and kidnapped for sport. Usually, they always wed their captors for the sake of honor, very few had the temerity to refuse marriage after having lost their virginity and reputation to a knight or lord.

“He’s very unusual” Balder said

“Aye,” Thrym said “and he’s very unusual.”

“How so?” Balder asked “is he ill formed?”

“Nay, but will that be a problem?” Thrym asked

“No, only his lands interest me” Balder gazed at the fire in the hearth

“I thought as much”

“I merely wish to know a little bit more” Balder justified

Thrym moved his hand a little dismissive gesture, the gold and red embroidery on his sleeve gleamed in the fire light.

“As I said, there are some who do not wish to wed and Loki is one of them” he told Balder “he only agreed now because he knows he must”

“For the sake of his holdings?” Balder asked

“Aye” Thrym said “the Isle of Seidr is a ripe, plump bird, all for the plucking. It needs protection. He writes about the other problems he has had with Sir Byleistr, who, in addition to the kidnapping has begun to harass his shipments as of late. He and his band of men steal or destroy the goods he sends to London.”

“So he needs a husband who can defend his manor and you wish to have an isle that is profitable to you” Balder surmised

“The isle itself is not large” Thrym said “they produce enough wool and crops to form a steady stream to the cities but that is not the true source of wealth”

He turned from his spot by the fire and went to an embroidered bag he’d placed on his desk.

“This is the true secret of Seidr’s wealth”

He tossed the bag to Balder, who caught it. The scent of herbs and flowers wafted from it and he pulled out a small, silver vial. Even without lifting the stopper, he could smell the lush, rich and complex aroma that came from it.

“Perfumes?” he asked

“Nay” Thrym smiled “Potions. For our dear Loki is considered a master sorcerer. He blends them together for all sorts of things. They sell out within minutes whenever they are brought to town.”

“I see” Balder said “tis an island of flowers and herbs and he makes potions from them”

“He does” Thrym sat back down

“I have no knowledge about gardens and herbs, how am I to help him?”

“You guard the lands, that is all” Thrym smiled “you are quick to learn in any case, you will do well”

“I protect the lands and he brings in the money” Balder said “all in all, not a bad bargain”

“Mayhap” Thrym grinned “there is competition”

Balder frowned “Who?”

“Sir Byleistr” Thrym said “he wants that land as well and I think he will try to kidnap him once more”

Balder hummed “Then I will give him no chance to. When do we wed?”

“As soon as you agree to it” Thrym told him “my only question is what will you do with your home and brother?”

“Thor will come with me, of course” Balder said “and the home holds no meaning, it was never mine”

“I see” Thrym chuckled “well, be off, then. Give your brother the news as well as your father and depart as soon as you can. Lord Loki will likely be waiting”

“Of course” Balder smiled and got to his feet “I assure you this match will go well”

“I wouldn’t have asked you if I already didn’t know”

And just like that, the chivalrous hero of the lands got himself the home he always craved for and a place for him to call his own.

~_Present Day~_

The fog has coalesced around the abbey and Odin felt The next day become colder than he thought possible.

The reality of Balder’s death was hard on his head, so much so that he couldn’t lift his fork to eat the next morning at the breakfast table. Nothing seemed to matter to him that day. Not Gaia’s talking, not his clothing, it didn’t matter than his cravat wasn’t the best today or that his linen shirt was ruffled more than usual.

He felt empty inside, hollow and gone.

A spasm of pain went through his body and he stifled a groan before he abruptly stood from the breakfast table, startling Gaia, who was unused to him moving so quickly.

“Beg pardon” he said “there is something I must do”

Odin didn’t hear what she said, but the urge to leave the house was strong in him. His footsteps were sure and even though he knew he would be unwelcome, he took his carriage and his horse and rode through the city to the one house that was close enough for him and too far at the same time.

There was darkness and brooding within him now and he went through what words he would recite when he got to his destination.

Odin had not visited this home in over six months, his drastic and sudden visit would no doubt spark confusion, but he didn’t care.

He owed this.

The clattering of his carriage penetrated the thick fog that had taken over the country today. There were few people on the roads and save for a few who were still looking for their ways home after a drunk night spent in the city.

Or a passionate one.

He remembered when he was similar to the ghostly shapes walking through the fog.

He remembered how one such night was the reason he had two sons before he was ready to marry. Clothes ruffled, cravat undone, he’d walked from the home of Lady Frigga to his own many, many times before he was wed off.

She, however, remained unwed and strong till the end of her life.

Leaving behind two, beautiful sons that Odin had raised the best he could. He had tried, that was his fault, according to Balder not enough. He’d always had reasons not to visit when they turned nineteen and took the house where he was going.

They’d waited many, many nights for him to have dinner with them as they had been promised. The invitations were plenty in the beginning but few and far in between months later and completely stopped a year after.

There had been cool, frozen conversations between him and Balder a few times and a few meetings after he’d been told he was going to wed.

He’d asked after Thor, who had refused to accept the fact that the only family member he cared for, was leaving and left Balder saddened when he vanished for days before his journey to Seidr.

Balder had hoped Thor would be at his ceremony but they hadn’t met after.

Thor returned two weeks after to rent debt and an empty home where he likely dwelled till now.

Odin hadn’t gone to meet him in years.

And Thor had made no effort either.

In the fact that Odin was a failed father, they both agreed.

Odin opened the window to inhale the familiar scent of the orchids that grew around this area. This part of the country side was rich with the aroma and he was bombarded with the memories he’d created when he played with his two boys, in these very paths, for hours before he had to go home.

It stirred the depths of his sadness, the loss of losing not only Frigga, but Balder.

It caved his chest in and he felt his eyes water once more as he looked out the window, realizing the cruelty.

Balder was dead.

That was something he didn’t think he would ever have to face.

The house was a small cottage, enough for two and that was it.

The city was not far from here, but the air was so much cleaner. Though Odin had a house in the city, he preferred the clean air when the Seasons were hushed in winter.

Other than the odd ball they had to attend, they were content in their little home, far from the loud city.

The cottage was made of grey stone and Odin frowned when he saw, not Thor, but three young children playing outside in the yard.

For a moment, he wondered if Thor had wed and bred without telling him but that thought came to a halt when he saw their father, who was rolling around in the fog and chill with his children as they tried to catch one another.

Their faces were flushed when exertion and all four of them looked up when his expensive carriage stopped by.

The children were sent inside to warm up and the father approached them, a frown upon his brow when Odin descended from the carriage to look at the man.

“Good sir” Odin tipped his hat to him “Do you think you could assist me?”

“Of course, my lord” the man said “what do you need?”

Odin looked at the house, taken aback by this situation, his recited words swirled in head a moment before clarity hit him.

“I was just wondering how long you lived here” Odin asked “See, the last time I was here, my – friend lived here.”

“We’ve been here for five years, sir” the man said “it was long empty before.”

“Really?” Odin huffed, disappointment filling his spirit “Oh.”

“Is everything alright, my lord?” the man asked

Odin looked at him, then smiled “Aye, thank you for your help, I will be on my way”

The father nodded “Good luck in your search”

Odin raised a hand to him and went back to the carriage, telling them to take him home.

He closed the door and sighed softly, not knowing what to do with his disappointment. It was deep inside him, fixed in his blood and he knew that the last time he saw Thor was truly the _last_ time he would ever see him again.

***

Moonlight suited him.

Cloaked in the silver light that illuminated the meadow, the unwanted son of Earl Asgard looked as mysterious and as dangerous as a legend come to life.

The silvery light that came from a full moon cast upon the tall grass within the meadow, making it appear as though it was a watery surface which moved with the wind.

He stood in the middle of it, alone, looking up at the moon.

This meadow was his bed for the night and he, one used to the skies as his ceiling, had no problem.

Meadows offered him solace, a place to hide as he hunted. Tonight, no hunt was on. He’d finished it in the evening, been paid the amount for it and shoved the bandit he’d been told to go after into the arms of the officers.

He’d gotten paid, thanked and escorted away.

No one truly trusted a soldier of fortune after all.

No one trusted one who was the fallen brother of one of the greatest Knights in the histories.

A knight who was now the leader of a profitable Isle, far from the lands. A knight who made his father proud and made news whenever he destroyed yet another enemy or pushed back a threat that many couldn’t.

Balder the Brave, Balder the Light, they had called him.

And what a man he was. He was not interested in the money oriented, greedy, grasping brother he’d left behind.

He was above him in every way.

No brother would stoop as low despite the bond they shared. Thor knew he had never been good enough, starting, doubtless, from the moment he chose the blade to the book. He felt the difference between them, in the way Balder always handled the financial matters and always gave Thor just a little bit less than he, himself, took.

It was just enough to leave that niggling sense of wondering in Thor and just enough for it to be ignored. For it would have been petty of Thor to ask him for such a small sum when they would be celebrating a victory.

What truly broke their bond was Balder’s marriage.

Thor had been told in no uncertain terms that Balder expected him to move with him to the Isle. They would have lands of their own and a place to call home.

Thor, who had always wanted to live a free life, away from anyone who judged him, had been ecstatic until Balder revealed that he would be one of his soldiers.

He would have the honor of working under the man he’d worked with for so long.

They had brought down legions of bandits, killers and thieves for years. Balder had never been able to catch them as Thor had. He had never been able to track them or locate them the way Thor did.

He would be honored.

_Honored_

To work for someone he had always been equal to? Thor had been stunned, he didn’t really know how to take that news.

Balder would command him, control him and likely judge him, knowing how much he hated being confined?

That had been the end for Thor.

Their argument had escalated, Thor had left and when he’d returned, Balder was gone.

He’d assumed he would eventually return but nearly eight years had passed, he’d heard nothing.

True, that he was far from where any news of Balder would circulate, but still. Logically, he knew that his brother would not have a way to contact him.

Emotionally, he still wanted him, Balder, his twin, his other half to be reunited with him. He’d been feeling strangely empty and alone these past months.

Thor Odinson had stopped feeling the sense of loneliness he carried with him. It was his only company on this night.

He exhaled and lay down, feeling comfortable, here, under the open skies, with his cloak as his pillow and his coat upon him.

Both of them were old and musty, but he wouldn’t change them for the world.

They were his partners in all these years, in all his ventures and in all his quests.

This coat and cloak has been with him for a long time.

Thor looked like the vagabond everyone called him. Though he kept his grooming as best he could, he’d let his hair and beard grow over the last years.

He’d tied it in braids to keep it groomed and inoffensive but he’d learnt that it wasn’t his hair that made him so.

His own father and brother left him, how could he not expect the same from people who didn’t even know him?

Thor sighed and studied the skies, watching the stars twinkle and shine up above.

His mother told him they were promises, sworn prayers she’d set for him and Balder in the skies. He used to believe that he could touch them and get what he wanted, a desire so secret and deep that he denied it even now. She’d said that one night, he would reach out to point to a star and it would fall for him, giving him what he craved.

He has wanted a home, much like Balder did.

He’d wanted a place to belong and when the world rejected him, he made places wherever he went.

Every night, as a child, Thor had reached out and pointed at a star, thinking he could make it shoot down and grant his wish. It never did and eventually, he’d stopped the childish act.

But tonight, as he stared up at the starry sky and the beautiful moon so bright, Thor couldn’t resist.

He hadn’t done it in years but Thor reached out and picked a star, placing his finger before it so it vanished from his sight, then pulled back.

It was still there.

Thor sighed, turned on his side and closed his eyes as he lay with the earth and grass around him.

It didn’t take him long to find sleep beneath the stars.

He was asleep in minutes and thus missed that up above, high in the night skies and so far from him, the star he’d picked shot across the skies and vanished into the distance.

***

The stables were warm in the morning, which was a blessing and one of the reasons why Thor chose them.

He had money enough for either him or his horse. He wasn’t a cruel man to leave his noble steed in the cold like that.

And with the help and loyalty he’d been given by this animal, there was no way he would put his own comfort before his.

That, and he was sure that if his horse was left in the cold all night, Thor would pay for it. For a horse, Sleipnir had a very emphatic personality.

He knocked on the door of the stables so the stable hand was alerted of his presence.

“Good morning” he said “I’m here to collect”

Thor extended the ticket he’d been given and the body nodded to a stall at the back. He could hear the whinny that Sleipnir gave and walked over to him.

“Greetings” Thor smiled “did you miss me?”

Sleipnir didn’t seem very satisfied with his timing, but nevertheless, he walked out when Thor took him from the stall.

“You have to pay for the food he ate” the stable hand told Thor

“Pardon?” Thor stopped “that was included in the payment I made last night”

“Not when he ate the food the others had, too” the stable hand looked unimpressed “he snuck out of his stall and devoured everything he could”

Thor looked at Sleipnir, who looked rather sated and realized the boy was not lying.

Sleipnir was perfectly capable of doing that.

So, with a sigh, Thor took what little remained in his pocket and handed it to the boy, who all but snatched it from him in a huff.

He didn’t mind, his attention was on Sleipnir, who nuzzled against his shoulder, eager to get out and go to another adventure.

They went through the markets so that Thor could see if there was a bargain for him or not. The town was small but he’d seen kindness in it last night and he hoped he’d get some for himself.

He had a reserve of money that he didn’t want to touch so he would go hungry this morning without the kindness.

He’d had a home before, but lost it when he couldn’t get payments the way he did with Balder. However, he kept something much more valuable to him.

Said something was still walking behind him and Thor turned and rolled his eyes

“Sleipnir!” he snapped “get here, brat!”

Behind him, nosing his way through a cart of fresh, crisp green apples, his noble steed, a fat, chubby round white and grey spotted horse, tossed his head back.

“Have you not eaten enough?” Thor asked “Look at you!”

Sleipnir left out an offended snort and trudged his way over to him, tail twitching angrily.

“Bloody hell, you’re a child” Thor complained, taking a hold of the horse’s chin when he reached him “You ate everything, how can you be hungry?”

Sleipnir whinnied and avoided eye contact, making Thor release him

“Typical” he said, taking a hold of the rope tied loosely around the fat horse’s neck “now come. We are going hunting”

The town was alive and soon enough, Thor did find the promised kindness in the form of a family, who’d seen him last night.

They were wonderfully giving and made a broth and bread for him when he passed. He’s caught a thief here in the town and they were inclined to thank him. Thor, unwilling to use his reserved money, accepted the thank you and gave the children some trinkets he’d been carrying around to sell.

They seemed happy and Thor’s conscious felt easy after taking their meal from them. He wasn’t full by any means, but the biting hunger had faded and he could take Sleipnir and head off once more.

Once he reached the open plains, Thor breathed easier. This was something he and Balder always disagreed on. He preferred to own lands, make his mark in the world while Thor viewed all lands as his. The world was not meant to be marked, he wanted to explore.

Or at least, that’s what he told himself.

He knew that society would never accept the bastard son of an earl. He was a stain before he was born but unlike Balder he was given no chance to improve his life, so he told himself that he like this openness, this freedom.

He didn’t have anything else.

Thor also told himself that the only person who was kind to him was that family, when in reality, more than one woman had been clear about wanting him to stay with them.

He could have, he’d done it in the past, but the feeling of belonging to a family and sitting at a breakfast table with them was a comfort that he himself had wanted.

Even if it was fake and temporary, he’d had it.

He didn’t wish to admit it so he left that town behind and made his way to another, walking with Sleipnir.

He rarely rode his rode, firstly, because Sleipnir was carrying his belongings and secondly because he rarely let him.

Sleipnir was more his partner, his confidant than he was his horse and Thor respected that. In return, Sleipnir gave him the company and companionship Thor didn’t have.

The stoned and wild grass beneath their feet was quiet and other than occasionally eating the grass he walked on, Sleipnir was not inclined to do much. He nudged Thor every now and then when Thor walked too fast for him but stayed obedient otherwise.

A few people passed them on their way out. They didn’t interact save for giving Sleipnir odd looks.

He didn’t blame them, no one had ever seen a horse this chubby. They all had lean looking steeds.

They stopped a few hours later to have a rest, but saw the next town on the horizon. Sleipnir flopped down as ungracefully as possible, laying on his side with his legs sticking out while Thor sat against him. Once he felt Thor’s weight, Sleipnir curled his legs by him and caught his breath, too.

They both were _tired_.

“So” Thor looked at him as he dug into his bag “oats or chestnuts?”

Sleipnir grunted and nosed his shoulder till Thor dug out the treats and gave him the chestnuts he had with him.

They weren’t warm but he was sure Sleipnir wouldn’t mind with the way he gobbled them up.

He looked to the city again and hoped that he could find a bed and board for the night. The skies were nice to sleep under but Thor wanted the comfort of a soft bedding and realized he might have to dig into his savings after all.

So, with a sigh and a groan, Thor stood after a while and took Sleipnir with him to get him a stable and himself a room in a tavern.

And wondered, perhaps if change was coming for him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki finds Thor Odinson, the vagrant.

They said he’d killed his husband.

They said he’d done it to keep the army of knights he’d brought over.

They said he’d set fire to his laboratory to burn away any and all evidence against him. They said he’d hired people to go kill him instead of using his potions to do it.

There were wagers in the books that were hidden amongst the men who lived in the Isle of Seidr. There were wagers about how Balder the Brave was not lost, but instead killed by the assassins his husband had hired.

Wily, clever and an aptly named Liesmith, Balder’s widower was a man to keep watch on. He was sly as he was beautiful. There was no doubt about it and rumors spread about how he killed any lover he took.

There was a reward of a thousand gold coins to anyone who slept with and survived a night with the cold, untouchable Wicked Widower.

That was one of his more common names.

There were others, that were associated with his greed, his need to have all the money he collected with his potions. But the Wicked Widower was the most accurate one.

There was no confirmation of his death but Loki Laufeyson, son of the noble lord Laufey, had yet to believe it.

He was hopeful, going to the chapel in the citadel daily, where he prayed for the safe return of his lost husband.

He was often accompanied by his General, a Sir Fandral Dash, who acted as advisor. He was as handsome as a god of myth and charming as a prince. He’d fought many battles with Balder and had been given the title of Knight not long after.

He was a valiant hero, who was the catch of every young lady’s eye.

But if the rumors were true, he’d taken the heart and bed of Lord Loki, Master of the Isle of Seidr. It was said he was part of the reason why Loki had killed his husband.

The people who lived in the Isle of Seidr were from all walks of life. Some, who lived close and in the large manor at the citadel were those Loki had taken in.

There was Lady Sif, who was a widow known for killing her husband. No one knew why and no one dared to speak on it because she was a terrifying woman to behold. She’d spend six years as a pirate in the seas, raiding not merchants, but other pirates, taking their loot and using it for good. Sometimes she was sent to hunt down pirates but she gave that life up when she found a permanent home with Loki on Seidr.

After her was Sir Volstagg. Rotund, of good nature and once a knight errant, he was part of Balder’s army. He’d been starving and helpless when Balder recruited him and since then, he’d been a good and loyal man at his side.

There was also Sir Hogun, who was a sage, somber man. He lived in the tower to keep watch on the Isle and was seen about in quick glances whenever he needed something from the markets or when Loki summoned him. His past was unknown but his allegiance to the Isle of Seidr was sturdy enough for everyone to see.

Sir Fandral had been a hungry poet before he met with Balder and changed his fate. He’d helped him win jousts and tournaments, then went to win some himself. In addition to being the General, he was also a teacher at the scouts’ camp where he taught young men and women how to fight and defend their home.

He was there now, currently, watching as his scouts all took care of their weaponry and ensured that it was placed in their assigned compartments. He’d taught them that a good warrior respected his weapons. It was a lesson given to him by Balder himself.

“Good, aye” he called as they finished and lined up “that was far better than what I had done when I was your age.”

A delightful round of giggles went through them as they looked to one another with their prideful smiles.

“Now one last run about the ring and all of you go home” he ordered

He had bright blue eyes and pale blonde hair that shined in the sunlight. He looked every bit the hero from those novels the women shared amongst themselves. He felt like that, too, when he saw the soft group of women eyeing him over.

He also spotted a young lad in the distance, hiding from him.

His name was Valka and he was bære. There were many in this Isle but none really appreciated him. It amused Fandral, how they glared or even hissed at him whenever he greeted them. They thought him suspicious and he knew why.

He was not deaf to the rumor that were spread about him and Loki.

But in his years here, he’d never felt what he did for Valka for anyone else. He caught his look and gave him a wink, making him vanish behind the bushes he was looking at him through.

A snicker escaped him, then he turned to the young soldiers to be as they ran their lap.

The sun was bright today and highlighted every part of the Isle.

The Isle of Seidr was something else.

They were, in a way, but unlike the stories circulating in the cities and towns, they were normal.

They were fair, known for their sensitivity and were desired by many. However, they were also cold and haughty, considering very few other than their own race, to be worthy of them.

They were called the Frost Giants, an insult that those turned away by them invented. Likely spread by their terrible neighbor, Sir Byleistr. He dwelled in another part of Jotunhiem. His lands were nowhere near as well kept as Loki’s and that fact always bothered him. He squandered away his savings and money on large feasts and balls that others attended. He was a social butterfly, since his land connected to England and made journey there easier. He’d also, in a fit of pettiness, forbidden access to Seidr by land and instead, decided to raid the ships that carried Loki’s supplies when he chose the seas.

Fandral despised that man. He’d offered to lop his head off but Loki had told him that he was somewhat needed. He let the spice trade go on in exchange for medicinal potions that Loki created.

The difference between his land and Loki’s was stark and apparent.

Isle of Seidr was green and lush with flowers, grass, trees and fauna. There were flora of all kinds, the scent in the air was cleaner, fresher and scented with the culmination of the beautiful landscape that Loki possessed.

Byleistr’s lands were drab and browning with neglect. He was not a kind man nor did he cherish what he had. Loki was sure he would lose everything he had sooner or later.

It was a lovely day that morning. The sunlight was warm, the earth was cool to step in and from his large windows, over looking the city at all times, he could see it.

His lands.

His responsibility and his home.

It had stayed with him through the tragedy he’d witnessed and suffered. He’d had a few people stay with him but none of them measured up to how much this land, this beautiful realm far from all earthly pollution had been there for him.

Balder had been a good husband to him. He’d taken care of the Isle as though it was his own. He’d made homes here, not for himself, but for his men. He’d given them the sense of belonging that he’d always chased. He had also been kind to Loki, gentle and caring, even if he was a distant man.

Loki wasn’t ungrateful, he knew things could have been much worse for him if Thrym had given him someone else.

He was very fortunate to have had Balder with him and he truly, deeply missed him.

He’d spend the first few months of his death crying himself to sleep in his lonely, cold bed. He missed their soft conversations, their soothing words to one another and the care he’d gotten used to. He’d wanted him back so badly that he hadn’t been willing to believe the news sent to him.

It was only when Sif went and got the men he’d been with back home to tell Loki what happened that he’d realized it.

Balder was gone.

Loki’s whole world had collapsed then. Nothing made sense to him and nothing would for a long time.

How he’d passed that time, he would never understand. To him it was a haze of sadness, anxiety and fear.

Fear about the fate of his lands if word spread of his death.

He was well aware of how many men had wanted his lands and tried to take them from him. He was aware that one of them would. All he had to do was take Loki and force him to wed him and the lands would be his.

Balder had brought protection with him and for now, it remained.

Yet that protection was fragile at best. It was going to break sooner or later.

Byleist was already hard at it, trying to get it to break. He was testing the waters – quite literally.

Loki saw his fate and the future of his lands if he confirmed what he knew about Balder.

Loki knew he was on borrowed time unless he came up with a plan to get Balder back. And though it seemed impossible…

It was not.

Loki had come up with a plan three months after Balder’s death.

The Isle of Seidr was in danger and it mounted higher as the weeks passed. They needed a lord to overlook the lands and to show the people that it was still protected. Enemies knew of Balder’s name and legend, they would never dare to try and hurt him.

They wouldn’t need to know the trickery Loki was about to unfold.

Or rather, the trickery he was hoping to unfold.

It was as ludicrous as it was risky. But there had never been nor would there ever be a chance like this.

Loki turned when the doors to his room opened.

He’d expected a servant or a messenger, but his green eyes widened when he saw Vali, Balder’s squire, walk in.

His face was flushed, he looked distraught and out of breath.

“My Lord!” he panted, all but falling right there.

Loki rushed to him, taking a hold of his arm

“What is wrong with you?”

“Lord Heimdall” Vali panted “His ship docked on the lands. More than half our belongings were taken, there were three of them this time”

Loki’s lips pressed together in displeasure and he nodded

“Alright” he pat his arm and guided him to a chair “sit here and have water. Eat what you feel like, till I return”

“Yes, my lord” Vali panted, sinking gratefully into the chair closest.

Loki felt despair fill his spirit as he made the long, painful walk to the docks.

He had asked Thrym for more aid and men for his Isle but it seemed that his letters were being ignored.

It was too much, it seemed.

On top of his soured reputation, the increased predations of the robbers who were infesting his shipments were proving to be the final straw. Loki knew that it was only a matter of time that he would be deemed incapable of ruling this Isle and everything he loved would be taken from him by a greedy fortune hunter.

Outraged and frustrated, his conviction in his own, foolhardy plan strengthened further.

Loki would never risk the lives of those who accompanied the shipments from the Isle to the cities. Sooner or later, the robbers were going to kill someone and he knew it.

In truth, Loki had no choice left. He had a duty and obligation to take care of this realm. His brother, who had died when Loki was younger had caught him from the cradle that he was a servant to his people and to the lands that sustained them.

He knew that even though he possessed the ability and skills to keep Seidr a profitable place, he was no warrior. There were household knights with no leader. His men at arms were growing restless. They would leave soon, they were eager to either get Balder back or find another leader to serve them. They had a home here but they were eager for glory, which they were being kept from. They would disperse over time and leave Loki completely defenseless.

Time was running out.

It had been when he had agreed to wed Balder, he was in this same situation, now it had returned.

Thrym had told him to wed a strong man and Loki had begrudgingly agreed. What life he’d been given with Balder had been good and safe.

Now that life was threatened and Loki did the only thing that he knew how to.

He crossed the stony pathways of his manor and nodded to the few who raised their hands to him in greeting.

Rumors aside, Loki was a loved presence in this land.

As he walked, he heard the tell tale jogging of his General come up behind him.

“They are getting more daring, Lord Loki” Fandral said as they passed the gatehouse

“I pray that this will cease soon and that any humanity they have tells them to stop” Loki muttered “because other than that foolish plan of mine, we have that hope alone”

“I know you are not looking forward to this” Fandral said “but remember that this will be the savior of our lands. You will have a good future”

“If he agrees” Loki muttered “and if Heimdall has located him.”

“That we shall know soon enough” Fandral said

There was a small group of people watching as their shipments were unloaded. Loki could clearly see the signs of destruction on the ship and knew this was another expense that he would have to shoulder. The people accompanying the shipments looked exhausted and gave baleful looks to Loki as they passed him, knowing he was the reason their lives were threatened.

Heimdall was at the very top. He gave out orders in his deep, resonating voice and Loki felt mildly jealous. He wished he could command these wayward men and inspire the fear Heimdall did in them.

Fandral moved to help, too, and Loki climbed up the planks to the ship so he could face Heimdall himself.

Heimdall was his man of affairs. He conducted his business very carefully. He saw everything and was loyal to Loki’s home as he had been to Laufey’s. He’d trained as a knight but chose to put his efforts into academics. Not that he couldn’t defend himself and anyone who was under his protection, nay. Heimdall was a formidable warrior.

Loki had escaped Helheimr only because of him.

He had dark, smooth skin that glistened in the sunlight and amber eyes that looked golden in the sin. They gleamed with welcome when he saw Loki coming over and straightened to greet him proper.

“My Lord” he bowed his head

“Hardly” Loki stopped before him, then let out a sigh “what happened?”

“Helheimr’s men” Heimdall said “they had more weapons than us and threatened our people. I saved what I could but they took most of the grain and spices. They also took the metals that were to make a the new laboratory and any wood that hadn’t caught rot.”

Loki exhaled in frustration and looked at the men taking their meagre cargo to the city.

“This can’t go on” he told Heimdall “They’ll destroy my land and my people”

Heimdal looked just as saddened “It won’t”

He gently touched his arm to make him look at him.

“I found him”

Loki’s heart nearly stopped “What?”

“He is living in a town not far from here” Heimdall said “the people I sent told me they’d seen him there, I could hardly believe.”

“This is impossible” Loki whispered

His face was pale but hope shined in his eyes

“We have been looking for him for months and to learn he is so close on his own?” Loki asked

“Aye” Heimdall laughed “I saw him”

Loki placed a hand over the pendant at his chest. It was the last gift Balder had given him and he held it in times of distress and anxiety”

“And?” he asked

“It is as Balder said” Heimdall smiled “he looks exactly like him. No one will know the difference”

A lump formed in Loki’s throat and he longed to hurl himself at Heimdall and embrace him till he couldn’t breathe!

But he refrained and nodded.

“How far is he?” he asked

“Half a day’s journey but we must hurry” Heimdall told him “he does not stay in one place for long”

“Aye, aye,” Loki nodded, running a hand through his hair

It was black as night and soft, something Balder had loved about him. And his hand, when he ran his fingers through it, showed the promise he’d made to Balder. A rune, tattooed on the back of his hand, Balder’s emblem, running from his wrist in one line, to circle the base of his middle finger.

Balder had the exact same tattoo.

“Who do you wish to speak to him?” Heimdall asked

“Well, you, of course” Loki told him “I would go myself but I do not think…”

“I think you should” Heimdall told him “Fandral can manage till you return. I am sure any spouse would hurry if he heard the news you had”

“Of course” Loki looked to the side and rubbed his arm

His nervous were making it difficult for him to think.

“I know it is daunting” Heimdall placed a hand on his shoulder “But if anyone can do it, you can.”

Loki nodded, but when he looked to him, anxiety and worry lit his eyes.

“What if he refuses?” he asked

“Then you must make an offer he cannot refuse” Heimdall replied “go prepare. I will make arrangements for you and Fandral to go through the mainland. The sea is not safe. I will alert Lady Sif, too”

Loki gave him a shaky nod and looked at his hand as Heimdall left.

There was the promise, on the back of his left hand. An arrow that pointed upwards from his wrist and was hooked around his finger. A sworn oath that death would part them, nothing else.

And it hurt Loki that it had parted the two of them.

He felt prickling behind his eyes but refused to give into his emotions.

He had work to do, he would indulge in those later.

***

Gingered currants.

Never had he thought that he would see something like this. They were delicious and self indulgent. Thor couldn’t help himself.

He walked down the dirt paths of this town, illuminated by the torches at this hour. There were people still about, though it was past dinner. Children played outside their houses, men and women went to make merry. There was light music coming from the taverns and inns that were set about and over all, it gave Thor a nice, warm feeling in his belly.

Behind him, watching him carefully, Sleipnir plodded after, his tail swishing lazily as he eyed the bag in Thor’s hands.

He knew there were treats in there so he nudged Thor’s shoulder

“What?” Thor turned to him “you despise ginger and currants. How can you want these?”

Sleipnir persisted, hitting him once more with his muzzle.

Thor shoved the brown paper packet at him “There, happy?”

Sleipnir sniffed, let out an offended snort, then grabbed the packet from his hand and threw it to the dirty ground.

He stomped his foot to let Thor know he was hungry.

Thor sighed “Your mother would be disappointed”

He shook his head at the pudgy animal and went to pick up the packet. It had ripped and most of the currants were on the ground so he took what remained so he could dispose of it.

“You are getting nothing”

Thor walked on ahead and Sleipnir tailed him, nipping at his clothes. He nickered when Thor ignored him and stamped his feet in disapproval.

But Thor walked on.

Sleipnir placed his head on Thor’s shoulder, watching his face as he walked.

“This isn’t working” Thor told him

Sleipnir kneed him in the back but once more, he was ignored.

Thor was adamant in not feeding him so Sleipnir grabbed his coat in his teeth and pulled him to a stop.

“What?”

Thor turned to look at him over his shoulder and Sleipnir pulled his ears back and hopped on the spot.

“No”

Sleipnir let him go and groaned. He then let out a moan of anguish and sat down heavily on his rear, his hind legs sticking out.

He looked, by all means, like an over sized, fat dog.

Thor raised a brow “Truly? That is your response? I will leave you here, it gets chilly”

Sleipnir neighed softly and inclined to his side and fell on the ground with a loud, exaggerated thud.

Clearly, he was having a temper tantrum

Thor was unimpressed, watching as his bulging middle nearly hid the point where his head was, but he could still see it. He could see Sleipnir look at him, trying to practice being sneaky, but failed spectacularly.

He set his head down again when he saw no response from Thor.

“This is humiliating” Thor said “come on, get up”

Sleipnir swishing his tail at him, hitting his boots.

“I am not arguing with you” Thor said

Sleipnir let out a groan.

“Alright, do as you wish” Thor smirked “the stables will be locked soon, so you will stay out here all night”

He turned on his heel and began to walk towards the tavern.

He smirked to himself when he heard Sleipnir get up and jog after him, then laughed when he felt that shove to his shoulder.

“Aye, there’s a good lad”

He turned and put his arms around Sleipnir’s neck when the horse pulled him against him. Thor closed his eyes and rubbed his back and shoulders, content with holding him.

Until he felt Sleipnir digging into his pockets and taking the oats he had there.

Thor sighed and pulled back, looking at him in the eye

“And here I was, thinking this was sweet”

Sleipnir gave him a proud nicker and then allowed himself to be escorted to the stables as long as Thor gave him all of the oats.

“There you are” Thor guided him into his stall “there, here’s the last of them, you big potato”

Sleipnir was more than happy to finish the treats in Thor’s hand, then nipped at his fingers in their customary fare well

“Good night” Thor smiled at him

Sleipnir nodded his head energetically and watched Thor leave before he settled in to sleep.

It got lonely without Sleipnir and the walk back to his inn seemed far too long. The fog was slowly coming to rest over them and Thor knew soon it would be difficult to see so he hastened his steps. The inn was crowded, but only where they served food and drink. Upstairs, where the rooms were, it was blessedly quiet. So, after taking some bread and dried meats with him, Thor climbed up the stairs to the second floor.

The staircase had a wooden lattice at one side so anyone who was climbing them could see down below in the common areas easily.

It was nice and Thor saw the merriment and enjoyment of those below.

He would have his food and one of the few books he carried around with him.

Or so he’d thought.

Thor went into his given room and opened the door only to stop.

At first he thought that someone had left the fire running for him, but when he saw three people sitting in his room, he knew that was far from the truth.

All three were dressed fashionably and two, a blonde man and a dark haired woman, carried weapons.

Thor stilled and studied their stances, looking at the third visitor a little bit longer than the others.

He was slim, had on an expensive green tunic and a pair of trousers. His cloak was folded neatly on Thor’s bed and the other two were in armor.

“Well” Thor walked in and closed the door “What did I do this time?”

He seemed casual, but his stance was ready to fight in seconds. Thor was not to be underestimated, he set his platter of food aside and faced them, his thick arms crossed over his chest.

“And who are you?”

The man and woman seemed taken aback for a second, but regained their composure enough to address him.

“We haven’t met and we have no quarrel with you” the woman told him “My name is Sif, this is Fandral, the General to our Isle and this young man is Loki.”

They all looked at him for any recognition or association to lighten Thor’s expression but to their dismay it remained dark.

“Why should I care who you are?” Thor asked her

“Because, we have an offer for you” Fandral said “we are not going to hurt you”

Thor hummed, then looked at Loki

“And you?” he asked “do you not have the ability to speak?”

Loki blinked at him “Oh”

All thought had left him when he saw Thor.

It looked truly as though it was Balder walking into the room. Everything from his stance to his eyes, to even his voice, they were the same. The blonde hair, so long and unruly, however, were different, as was the beard.

Balder never grew his hair out and he was cleanly shaved.

Thor was … he looked very much like the mercenary Heimdall told him he was.

“I can speak” Loki said

“Then why don’t you?” Thor asked “do it soon, I wish to rest”

Loki nodded and swallowed thickly, looking at the others.

“I – I am Loki” he said softly

“I heard them” Thor smiled dangerously “What are you doing here?”

Loki fidgeted with his hands for a second, then took a step forward, slowing when Thor eyed him warily.

“I’m – I’m Balder’s widower” he said softly

Thor froze.

His lips parted and he stared at Loki

“What did you just say?”

“I said …” Loki began again “I am Balder’s widower and I …”

“Widower” Thor whispered

Dread and fear coiled in his heart as he looked at him.

“Balder’s dead?” he breathed.

No

No, this couldn’t be true. His brother, his twin, the man he’d grown up with, he couldn’t be _dead_!

Sif and Fandral looked at one another for a second, lost.

This was unexpected.

“Y-Yes” Loki told him “I’m sorry, you didn’t know?”

“Does it look like I did!?” Thor snapped

Loki stepped back and watched him sink into his chair, a hand on his head.

“What…?” he asked “How? What happened?”

“He was on an expedition” Sif walked over

Fandral went to get Thor some water and she took charge.

“He and his men were ambushed my thieves and I fear they were all killed” she told him “I am truly, deeply sorry, my friend”

Thor was looking at the ground and automatically took the water handed to him.

“Does – Who else knows?” Thor asked her

“Not many people, we kept it quiet” Sif said “Thrym was told to inform your father but no one else”

Thor nodded, his face still pale, his mind still shocked.

Balder was dead.

He was _dead_.

Thor took a sip of water and nodded to her

“Thank you” he whispered “for telling me this”

She placed a hand on his back and looked to Loki, who looked lost and out of any answer.

“Do you have a place to be?” Sif asked “other than this tavern?”

Thor shook his head “Nay, I roam about I do not stay some place for long”

“Would you like to accompany us?” Fandral asked him “we live in …”

“I know where you dwell” Thor took another sip and set the glass aside “I fear I must decline. Please excuse me, I wish to be alone”

They all shared another look and Thor caught on a little late that they were not here to give him the news they had.

They wanted something.

He narrowed his eyes at them

“What?” he asked

All of them looked uneasy.

Then, Loki took a deep breath and looked at the others.

“Please excuse us” he told them “I wish to converse with Thor alone”

They clearly didn’t think it was a good idea, but to Loki’s relief, they both departed without complaint.

Once the door closed behind them, Loki faced Thor.

“I confess I didn’t come here only to tell you this, I had thought you were aware” he told him

“And how would I have been aware?” Thor asked “no one knows where I am, I still cannot understand how you managed to track me down”

“I have been searching for you for months” Loki told him

Thor looked surprised “Why?”

Loki heaved a loud sigh and came to sit beside him.

“I was married to your brother for seven years” he told him “and those seven years were the best I have spent in my home”

He looked to Thor and Thor saw the sadness in his eyes.

“When he passed” Loki continued “my life turned to hell. Barely a day had gone past after he left that my home was attacked repeatedly. It got worse over the passing months. My neighbor has been systematically stealing my shipments of food and supplies every time I get them. My land makes potions, you see, healing ones, helping those who suffer and he’s been taking whatever I get. If this goes on, my land and people will perish.”

Thor frowned “That is terrible, Lord Loki. I am sorry”

“I have tried to do whatever I can” Loki rubbed his arm “But my options are fading. Without Balder it’s … no one will hesitate to come to my lands and take what they want”

Thor knew that. He knew people who did this.

And he knew that Loki wanted something from him.

“What do you wish from me?” Thor asked

“It is ludicrous” Loki bit his lip “and stupid.”

Thor felt his lips twitch a little.

“I think those two are pretty much my only traits”

Loki turned to him, then looked away, focusing on his hands.

He looked so much like Balder already, how was Loki to handle this?

When he didn’t speak for a moment, Thor cleared his throat

“What is ludicrous and stupid?” he prompted.

Loki took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, rubbing his hands, gaining the courage to speak again.

“I need someone to help my people believe that Balder is still alive” he said quietly “and you’re my only hope of doing that”

Time seemed to stand still. Thor could only stare at him in disbelief.

Had he truly heard him correctly? Had Loki said what he thought he did?

He wanted him to impersonate his dead brother?!

“You’re mad” Thor whispered

Loki nodded “I am”

He kept his gaze lowered. He knew it, he knew Thor wouldn’t listen.

“How … How could you think this would be something I would agree to?” Thor asked

He felt anger crawl up his spine but held it back because he was speaking to Balder’s widower

His _widower_ who was here, bargaining with him because Balder was dead.

His brother was _dead_!

The thought, the realization left a pain in his chest and he turned from Loki.

“I’m desperate” Loki told him “I’ve lowered myself to this because I am the end of my rope, I have no _choice_”

Thor scoffed

“I don’t” Loki repeated “you truly think this is something I would cherish doing? To go up to a man who I don’t know to tell him to pretend to be his late brother?”

He shook his head and stood, rubbing his arms as he walked to the fireplace.

Thor’s eyes studied him. He saw the slender shape silhouetted by the fire and the defeat in his shoulders.

“I will start losing my people soon” Loki told him “My neighbor in the mainland, Sir Byleistr of Helheimr has made it very clear what he intends to do to me. He will take my men, then he will take me and destroy everything I have”

Thor’s brow furrowed “Sir Byleistr? He’s your neighbor?”

“Aye” Loki sniffed

Thor stilled.

He was crying – Loki was crying.

The sight of him, hiding it from him, wiping his eyes made Thor’s chest hurt again and he sighed. It was not easy for him to be heartless, but what Loki was saying was unthinkable and the risk was so great. He knew nothing of what Balder was like, what he had done there, he didn’t know the people, either.

And he was to pretend to be Loki’s husband, a man who had been such a big portion of Loki’s young life?

How was he to do something like this?

“Do you know him?” Loki asked, keeping his back to Thor as he brought him from his own thoughts “Sir Byleistr, I mean”

“I know of him” Thor picked up his water again “he’s a bastard. The insult, not the literal meaning”

There was no reply from Loki, who’d gone to looking at the flames.

Thor got to his feet and went to get Loki water, bringing it to him with a little more patience than he’d shown him before.

In the light, Loki looked young. He was a boy, he truly was. And Thor realized that, sooner or later, someone would truly hurt him.

Loki took the water from him with a soft thank you and finished most of it.

“He an opportunist” Thor told Loki “taking whatever he sees and lowering himself to any depth to do so. He’s not a good fighter but fancies himself as one and makes money off other people’s misery. And I think he is doing the same to you”

Loki handed the cup back to him and gave him a soft, embarrassed smile.

He still refused to look at his face

“I am sorry for disturbing you” Loki took a step back from him again “I just thought that…”

“That I would agree” Thor told him “Loki, I am a mercenary, a bounty hunter. I am not a knight”

Loki shrugged “Seems to me the only difference is a title. You’re looked down upon for the same things knights do”

Thor looked surprised by that logic and watched Loki get his coat and head to the door.

“I didn’t mean to come off as callous and unfeeling” Loki put his coat over his arm “and I assure you it hurts me to come here and tell you all this, I feel like a villain. I wouldn’t have if I was not in the situation I am in. Forgive me and farewell, sir”

“It’s freezing out” he said “be careful”

“I have a room here” Loki managed through his despair “I will depart tomorrow. Thank you and I apologize for offending you so”

Thor pressed his lips together as Loki left, not letting the guilt in his chest be his guide.

Nay, he’d done that before, he wouldn’t do it again.

But even as he said that to himself, his chest hurt most of the night and sleep was elusive to him.

***

The next morning was worse.

Loki was not only severely embarrassed, his head hurt from a sleepless night where he alternated between cursing himself and Thor.

How could he be so stupid as to think that Thor would agree? How could Thor be so callous and dismiss him the way he did? He could have asked him, he could have said something else, listened to him, perhaps?

Sif and Fandral felt much the same and sat pushing at their breakfast while Loki quietly sipped his tea. They were not saying a word to one another.

It would be a quiet, depressing journey back to Seidr.

Loki sighed and looked out of the window they sat by, trying to get rid of the tightness in his throat.

He’d failed.

He had failed to get what he wanted, he’d failed to say what he wanted to Thor, he was so useless.

He felt that familiar prickling behind his eyes and lowered his gaze so Fandral and Sif couldn’t see it. The last thing he wanted to do was cry in front of them.

He missed, completely, the presence that was there beside him.

“May I have a seat?”

Loki turned in surprise to see Thor standing there, looking at their startled faces. He had his own plate and mug in his hand, waiting for permission.

“Aye” Loki said after a moment “join – join me”

He shifted to make space for him and sat with his back straight as Thor put a plate before Loki.

“I noticed you weren’t eating anything and my mother used to tell me that missing breakfast shouldn’t be an option” Thor made himself comfortable.

Loki looked at him for a second, then to the plate.

Balder said that, too.

“Thank you” he whispered

He picked up the fork Thor had brought for him and started to eat.

“I just wish to make clear that I do not refuse because of you” Thor told him “I do because of my own reasons”

Loki nodded carefully “I see”

“That place is …”

“It will perish if you do not help” Fandral looked at him “we would never impose upon anyone, but the fact that we did means that we are desperate. I am a General, Balder was a respected Knight. If enemies like Byleistr find out he’s … he’s passed, they will come for him”

“I am aware” Thor said “but there are others who would gladly wed him to protect his lands”

“I do not wish to wed” Loki told him “I know what knights are like. Balder was one of a kind. There are no men like him.”

Thor stayed quiet for a few seconds and Loki tried once more.

“You will have a home, a place to live in” he tried “you can have the freedom to hunt and be given respect and esteem. I know you wish for it, Balder told me so”

Thor frowned a little “He knew nothing.”

“I know he fought with you when he left” Loki poked at his food “and I know why. You wouldn’t be held down or kept as someone to be used for the profit of others.”

Sif and Fandral slowly slipped from the table and took a place a little ways off.

“Please” Loki whispered to him, finally, finally, raising his eyes to him “I’m at the end of my tether. I have no option now but to wait for Sir Byleistr to finally lose his control and be bold enough to force himself upon me. Then he will wed me and take my lands and everything I have as his own. I have nothing, I have no family, I lost my husband who was the only happiness in my life and – I’m frightened.”

Thor studied him

“I’m frightened, you know what happens to people like me. There are people like me in my land, they will all suffer under his inevitable rule if you do not help” Loki grasped his hand “Please. I will give you anything you want, anything you wish”

Thor looked at their hands, closed his eyes and exhaled.

Loki knew what he was going to say and his heart sunk before Thor even said a word.

“I am sorry” he said “but I cannot”

The sheer hopelessness and despair that broke upon Loki’s features pulled at Thor’s heart.

Loki let his hand go and barely heard the next apology that Thor gave him as he stood and left. He was only aware of the bone deep anxiety and exhaustion that was within him and the rapid beating of his heart in his chest.

He’d failed.

Again.

***

Loki was in the gardens of the manor with Lady Sigyn, the Prioress of Saint Jarnsaxa when word reached him that there was a ship headed towards them.

“A grand ceremony of men is making its way towards the city” Vali called as he ran over “you must hurry!”

Loki had been in the middle of a discussion about extracting oil from petals when he’d come. He turned to Lady Sigyn and bowed to her.

“Forgive me, I must tend to this”

Sigyn only smiled. She was an older woman of slender build, her wimple framed her gentle face and eyes that were always kind.

She saw Loki rush ahead and gave a melancholy sigh.

The boy needed a rest. He was running wild here and would truly go insane if someone didn’t help. She sent a prayer after him.

Vali was hopping beside Loki as Loki ran down the stone paths towards the gatehouse once more. He knew there were people homed and settled outside the manor, outside the city too. If these strangers hurt them then there was little that would be gone.

He climbed up the stairs to the top of the gatehouse tower to look at the stone faced guard at the very top.

“Tis Sir Byleistr” he said “I can recognize his colors everywhere”

“Aye, they are rather atrocious, are they not?” Loki asked, taking his telescope from him

It was, no doubt, Sir Byleist. He had a small armada with him and Loki followed him with his telescope, seeing him trudge through his lands like he owned them.

“What are we to do?” the guard asked

“Tell Fandral” Loki said “and bring Volstagg to me. Byleistr gets intimidated by him”

“Aye, Sir”

The guard left to do what was asked of him and Vali looked to Loki.

“Why does he keep insisting on bothering us?” he asked

“He’s got nothing better to do” Loki lowered the telescope “Go get the bad wine. Water it down a bit”

“Of course”

Vali, too, fled and Loki stood there, alone, shaking his head as he tried not to let his latest embarrassing defeat get to him.

It had been a week and a half since that disastrous meeting with Thor.

Rarely had anything been blundered so completely and so fully.

He was sure that Thor was far away from here now, no longer interested in anything that he had to say or what his future held.

And Loki didn’t blame him.

The man had been devastated after learning about Balder’s fate.

There was nothing else he would have done.

Byleistr was the first in a long line of people who were currently trying to get his land. Loki had to think of something.

Word was bound to spread about Balder’s death.

And when it did, everything he’d worked for, all his family’s lands, would be gone.

Loki took a deep breath, put the telescope in its holder and made his way down to greet the bastard.

Sir Byleistr was once a mediocre knight.

He’d won a few jousts and defeated a man who’d owned the manor he resided in when he was twenty. That day he’d been a man who was content with his gotten home.

Now, twenty four years later and forty years of age, he was fatter, lazier but still good with the sword.

He had money that he got from his constant raids on Loki’s shipments and spent it on food and drink he couldn’t afford.

His small army looked more like hired bandits with the way they were dressed and how they smelled.

When they entered the manor even the hardest of guards had to pull faces at them.

Their stench was strong and Byleistr, who preferred to over use perfumes rather than bathe, gave Loki a beaming grin as he walked into his home without any manners.

“Ah, my dear” he greeted “how fine you look today”

Loki gave him a tight smile that was powered only by the trade they still allowed.

“Sir Byleistr” he said “how fare you today?”

“Very well, thank you”

He walked along with Loki to one of the large drawing rooms and made himself comfortable. Vali walked over with a tray of glasses and Loki almost winced when Byleistr and his men nearly trampled him in their bid to get the drinks.

Vali gave Loki a scandalized look and tactically retreated as they all gulped down their drink. Loki sat politely in his seat and gave them a smile.

“What brings you here?”

“A treaty” Byleist burped “for you lands and mine”

Loki tried not to show how disgusted he was.

“You need protection and I will grant it to you” Byleistr sat across from him “we both know that sooner or later someone will make a grab for these lands. Let me protect you and your people, Loki”

Loki refrained from mentioning that he was the one who was harassing them, he was truly that despairing.

“And what will you desire in return?” he asked

“Upon my word!” Byleistr looked horrified “can a neighbor not help his own?”

Nay, Loki wanted to say. Byleistr was the one who was harming him, had harmed him in the past. Loki didn’t want to go near him at all.

“Of course they can” Loki hoped he didn’t come closer “protecting lands is the job of more than one Lord”

“Aye!” Byleistr said “So how about an accord between us?”

“An accord” Loki repeated

“A written treaty” Byleistr leaned forward and Loki leaned back “my protection for your beautiful home”

“What do you wish for in return?” Loki asked

“How about a fair share of your revenue?” Byleistr replied “seems fair enough. Your unskilled men need a good leader to lead them into battle. Out of the two of us, which one has more experience?”

Loki hated that Byleistr was the answer to that question.

“I see”

“It is a fair deal” Byleistr insisted “how will your land hold in the absence of your husband?”

Loki tried not let that sting him as it always did. Because it not only brought to him the fact that he was entirely left alone, it also told him he’d failed.

If he was taking help from Byleistr, then he had _failed_ so _deeply_ and _miserably_ that nothing he did would ever do would make it alright.

He hated this man with a passion. He’d wronged him and dishonored him. To take his aid was unthinkable, it was a poison for him to devour.

He couldn’t

But he had to, he really did.

Loki closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“I will draft out a document for us” he said, barely able to get the words out “we can start working together”

Byleistr let out a loud, exaggerated cheer and got to his feet, sloshing his wine about. Loki stood and moved out of his way, watching in disgust as he splashed it about on the floors.

“A celebration!” Byleistr said “in the honor of our agreement!”

He bandits cheered with him, mostly in the promise of a feast.

They were clearly intending on staying for dinner. Loki had to make arrangements, then.

Joy, he thought

More nuisance that he had to handle.

With Heimdall there, it didn’t take long for him to make the arrangements and with his skilled and dedicated staff, there was no chance of him not feeding Byleistr of Helheimr.

It was expensive to feed to many people but he’d always managed to do that even when his shipments were taken from him.

There was always things he could sell if he feared running out of money.

But money had never been the problem. It was his supplies that were taken each time.

By the man he’d just struck an agreement with.

He knew Heimdall and the others would question his sanity but if protection meant making a deal with his antagonist himself, then he would.

He was a servant to his land.

He would never forget that.

But, as the meal went on and the raucous and loud party of ‘guests’ made a huge mess of his hall, Loki retired.

He headed upstairs and into his bedroom, locking the doors to ensure Byliestr did not try anything.

He did not trust him in the slightest.

Loki gave a tired sigh and looked towards his bed.

The gentle breeze from outside made the thin white drapes float like a specter in his rooms.

He hated sleeping in that bed.

He was alone, his family had dwindled to nothing and only he was here, left absolutely alone. He’d had Balder for all that time and he was happy, seeing himself with a family, possibly, but even that had been impossible.

His problems were known by many but his most private pain was reserved just for himself.

He’d told no one of the pain he and Balder suffered alone they closed the doors on the world outside. Here, they were themselves, just two people, husbands, who lived in a realm of their own. Balder would treat him as his own and Loki would do the same.

There was the care, cherish and love that they had vowed to each other. True, it had been different than Loki had thought it would be but what had he known? He was a naïve boy when they’d wed. Balder had been a man of the world and Loki was protected and sheltered by the very isle he lived in.

Loki had marveled at the stories Balder had told him, about the imagery he created while Balder reveled in the innocence and beauty that made Loki who he was. They both completed each other in a strange sort of way. Loki was the strength that Balder admired and Balder was the company Loki had been desperate for.

He was loved by his people but all of them had families and all of them had loved ones they went to at the end of the day. Loki had only pain and loneliness and with Balder it had been reduced. It had been close to fading when this disaster struck and prompted a whole painful line of torment for Loki.

There was no rest for him. There was no company, no family for him, either. He would likely never get it and that was why he loved Seidr so much.

It was the lands his loved ones walked on. He could go chasing after memories if he wanted.

But if they that from him, he would have nothing.

Balder had known of his fears. And he always comforted him here.

They’d never discussed business in these rooms, it was only the two of them with each other.

Now, it was just him.

So many of Balder’s belongings were here. Loki didn’t want to get rid of them, he didn’t want to accept that he was dead.

He knew he was but he didn’t want to accept.

His heart hurt just thinking over it.

Loki placed his cloak aside and went to change into his sleepwear. He came back out after, getting into his side of the bed and curling on his side.

He pulled the covers over his shoulder and exhaled, looking at the window.

That way, he could pretend that he wasn’t alone in bed.

It didn’t take long for the tears to begin running down his face and not long after, he cried himself to sleep as he always did, in an agonizing ritual.

***

Breakfast was an unbearable affair.

Byliestr and his men were too drunk to leave the manor and were groaning and howling in their post drinking state.

Loki had Fandral by his side and saw him give him sympathetic looks whenever Loki massaged his temples.

He knew they would eventually leave but the torment they put Loki through was slow and steady. Every time one of them groaned, Loki wished to deeply clean this entire hall.

He would have to pay the staff more than he would in that case, which he didn’t mind.

Fandral grimaced when one of the men fled outside to throw up what he’d eaten and Byleistr gave Loki a grin

“You look beautiful in the morning light”

Fandral tensed and Loki sighed at him

“Thank you, Sir Byleistr” he droned

“You would have looked so beautiful in my home” Byleistr went on, unaware of the glares he got from Fandral “instead you chose that knight”

“Be careful of what you say about my husband” Loki hissed “I will not tolerate insults towards him”

Byliestr snorted “What? Will a dead man come to avenge his honor?”

Loki turned cold. His face drained of color and Byleistr seemed pleased.

Fandral got to his feet to escort him out and Loki once more left the vicinity, though this time, it was because of the pain in his heart.

He hated Byleistr. He hated him so much!

Loki walked the halls and headed up to one of the library towers. He’d always found peace there.

His hatred for Byleistr would not have to be stamped down because he needed the protection. He cursed him, cursed himself, cursed Thor and Balder, both of them!

Why did he have to die!?

Loki had begged him not to go, he didn’t want him to leave him!

But Balder, who was told that he would be handsomely paid, didn’t listen. He had kissed him and he’d left, leaving Loki crying and screaming in agony when he’d heard that he was gone.

And now he sat upon a secret, hiding the fact that his husband was dead, to keep his lands safe from the likes of Byleistr.

He was making a deal with the worst of the worst and it made him sick.

Loki stopped when he reached a window seat at the tower and sat there silently.

His gaze was on the skies outside and his despair made his eyes prickle once more.

What was he going to do?

How was he going to get out of this?

Loki pulled his legs up and his arms around them before he lowered his head into them and wept.

He was so lost and alone.

Everyone he loved was gone.

He was alone, in this world, in the middle of wolves, without protection of any kind with everything he loved at risk.

His mother had taught him everything he knew and how to keep this land profitable, his father and brother were disinterested. They’d all died, left him here, all by himself, to fend for himself with no help.

And for a while, he was happy, seeing that Balder was with him to shoulder his burdens. Now he was left with more of them and no chance of seeing a happy end to this.

He didn’t know what to do!

That was how Fandral found him, about an hour later, lost in his despair, with nothing and no one to comfort him.

When he placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, Loki leaned against him and Fandral let him.

He stroked his arm but said nothing.

What was there to say at this point?

He didn’t know.

Fandral stayed with him, knowing that Volstagg and Sif were getting rid of their unwanted guests – at least until Byleistr decided to return.

They still had that terrible treaty to get on with.

Loki sighed and wiped his eyes, then his flushed face.

“What are we going to do?” he whispered

“I do not know” Fandral replied “but we can find a solution, worry not. You’re in safe hands.”

Loki stayed where he was for a while before he heard shouts and cries of his name

“Master Loki!”

Both of them turned when Vali came barreling through the library, his face once more flushed and shocked.

“Master Loki!” he gasped “Your husband! Lord Balder, he’s returned!”

Loki froze.

He looked at Fandral, who appeared just as stunned.

It wasn’t possible.

Loki jumped off the window seat and fled down the stairs, his heart pounding in his chest.

For a moment, Loki hoped so deeply that everything he’d heard was wrong and that Balder had been alive all this time. He hoped so frantically that Sif was incorrect and that when he would see him, it would be his husband, his protector, who would take him in his arms and make things alright again.

He hoped that this had been just a terrible bump in their happy journey through life, nothing else.

He would gladly accept all of this and cheer over the anxiety he’d felt. It would be worth it.

There was chaos everywhere as he ran through the halls, seeing the shock and amazement on everyone’s faces as he ran through the manor as fast as he could. Their voices melded together, no one made sense but he knew what they were saying, all of them felt his relief and joy, all of them felt his hope.

He burst through the gatehouse and saw a huge crowd of people gathered outside, some laughing, some crying.

And in the middle of all of them, with the sunlight gleaming in his hair and his blue eyes so familiar, Thor stood taking their smiles with nods and a grin upon his face.

Loki stopped short, staring at him and Fandral ran past to get the people out of the way.

It was Thor.

Thor had come here, he’d come to his lands!

Loki stared at him, rooted to the spot, unable to comprehend what was happening.

Thor was here!

He saw as his people kissed Thor’s hands or touched his shoulders and back in reverence.

He’d returned!

He had returned for them!

For Loki, a chance had been given to him that he hadn’t thought he would see. His chest was filled with gratitude, his mind shocked by his presence.

He was here. He’d come to their rescue.

Fandral and Sif managed to free Thor from the throng of people that surrounded him and let him step to Loki.

He looked different and it occurred to Loki a moment later that he was wearing armor. He had his weapons with him and his cape billowed in the wind as he strode purposefully to Loki, who couldn’t breathe, much less think.

He stopped before him, then gave him a smile as he pulled Loki into his arms and kissed him in front of everyone who watched.

An explosion of cheers went through the people behind them but Loki heard none of it.

He was only aware of Thor’s warm lips on his own, his thick arms around him and the shiver of warmth that went through him when he felt that kiss.

It was searing, the feel of his hands on his body and the taste of his lips against his own made every sound and feeling vanish right there.

It intoxicated him instantly.

He stared through half closed eyes when Thor pulled back and then embraced him.

And Loki, so starved for a loving touch, melted into it, his own hands holding Thor as close as he possibly could.

Thor’s hand rested on the back of his head, feeling protective over him when he held him the way he did.

“Thank you” Loki whispered

Thor stroked his hair “Don’t thank me just yet. We have a bargain, do we not?”

Loki nodded “Aye. Anything you wish for”

Thor smiled and rubbed his back as the cheering and celebrations continued behind him.

Thor had learned to make himself a home in nature and under the stars.

Now he would have this world at his fingers and an honor he’d never had before.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh” Loki stepped back “forgive me, I was lost in thought”  
He stared at Thor, taking in his new, cleaner appearance.  
“You – You look so …” he began  
“Normal?” Thor smiled

“Kissing him in front of everyone was a pretty gesture” Fandral told Thor as he sat in the large bathing chambers “Did not expect that of you”

“You think me incapable of pretty gestures?” Thor soaped himself in a large tub on the other side of the screen between them “I may be a vagabond but I know romance”

Fandral lounged in a cushioned window seat the sunlight shone on his bright blonde hair. He was a seasoned Knight, though younger than Thor and Balder. He was responsible for Thor as of now by Loki’s orders and was to give him everything from information to a good enough grooming that he passed as Balder.

He’d been here for a full day and the celebrations hadn’t stopped. It was marvelous how Thor was shown what life he would have had, had he chosen this instead of Balder.

He was revered, cherished and loved by people he didn’t know.

Both Sif and Fandral had been charged to make the changes Thor needed and ensure that he became the man they wanted him to be.

Thor had learned that there were only a few people who knew his real identity. Loki, Fandral the General, Sif the warrior, Hogun the sentry, Volstagg the warrior and Heimdall, Loki’s man of affairs. Other than these six people, no one on this isle was aware that their beloved leader was dead and an imposter had taken his place.

It was a secret that Loki had made him swear an oath to never reveal. From this day on, he was to be Balder in exchange for a good life, a home and anything he desired. There would be no tethers to his freedom in exchange for this charade and at the end of his life, he would be buried as a Knight in honored armor.

“I will admit it was an impressive gesture, the people haven’t stopped speaking of it since” Fandral stroked his jaw as he looked out the large window “I just hope that it did not conceal a clever trap”

Thor halted “You distrust me? In this situation”

“It is an unusual situation” Fandral said “things would get rather unpleasant if this turned out to be another snare for Loki, I will tell you this right now. He has been through enough hell, you do not need to add to it”

“Loki accepted me” Thor said

“He had no choice” Fandral told him “you left him with despair and nothing, telling him that you were not going to accept this offer then changed your mind and rushed over. Do not try to tell me this was a change of heart, Sir”

“Perhaps it was” Thor shrugged “but it would be a shame if you managed to drive me out with your threats, aye? Loki would suffer, yet again”

Fandral looked at the latticed screen between them, seeing Thor’s shape only vaguely.

“I have never understood the reasoning of those in your profession” Fandral said “you take what you need without concern for others, is that it?”

“I have only just arrived to save the ‘others’ in this isle have I not?” Thor asked “and I have done nothing of offense to make you attack me the way you are”

“You kissed him in front of everyone”

“And a long lost husband returning is forbidden to do that?” Thor continued his bath “people expected it. It would have been strange and I see no reason for you to object unless your relationship with Loki runs deeper than you let on”

Fandral grit his jaw “It does not”

“Then have no fear, I will not hurt your precious lord” Thor sniffed the soap “does it seem to you that everything in this godforsaken isle smells like flowers?”

Fandral exhaled and closed his eyes to calm himself. He had no choice but to back down. If Thor left, then it would be his doing and it would hurt Loki all the more.

“The whole isle is a garden, what did you expect?” he asked “even the village ditch smells wonderful”

Thor smirked “I heard that it is linked to the sea to take the refuse away. The garderobes in the chambers are likely linked the same way”

“I … do not know what to say to that” Fandral huffed and stood to open the window and let in the flowery air “But if you could hurry, we have your lessons and grooming to get to”

“Ah yes,” Thor said “the charade awaits. Tell me, General, how does someone like Loki end up a master of a realm like this?”

Fandral saw him continue his bath and went to sit back down.

“His mother taught him the art of potion making. Taught him all he needed about herbs. His brother spent all his time riding from tournament to tournament until he foolishly died in one. His father was only interested in scholarly articles and pursuits. He had no interest in land management. They died one after the other till he was left completely alone in this world. Laufey was murdered in Spain and Helblindi died while in a joust. His mother passed when she became ill. Loki was left all by himself at the age of sixteen and the only heir to the isle. I would say he’s suffered enough”

“Aye” Thor stood in the tub and water cascaded down his body “Hell’s teeth, I smell like a bud”

Fandral lowered his gaze as he tried not to snicker at his irritation.

Thor reached for the towel by his side and wrapped it around his waist before he stepped out. He had a magnificently sculpted body, it glistened as he walked out from behind the screen and studied Fandral, seeing a hint of envy in his eyes.

“Alright, then” he said “let’s get to grooming”

Fandral’s gaze went to his left hand and he hissed in realization.

“We have a problem”

Thor frowned “What?”

“Sir Balder had a tattoo on his left hand, similar to the one on Loki’s” Fandral said “you do not”

Thor looked at his left hand, then back

“What kind of tattoo?”

“Wedding swears” Fandral got to his feet “you wore a glove yesterday so it was not visible. Had you not been, it would have caused problems. So either wear the gloves or get a tattoo”

“I am not putting something permanent on my person just for you” Thor grabbed his trousers “what I have agreed to now is the limit”

“Very well”

Fandral got himself a pair of scissors and pat a chair placed there for Thor “Here you sit”

Thor narrowed his eyes – and dropped the towel.

Fandral looked away, trying not to let his petty little gesture get to him and made no comment as Thor put on his trousers, then came to sit in the chair.

“Do not cut my hair too short”

“You agreed to …”

“A little of it, I like that it stays long”

“But Lord Balder preferred it short” Fandral touched the middle of Thor’s shoulders “this is the best length I can do without arousing suspicion”

Thor sighed “Very well”

Within minutes, he felt the raspy shear of the scissors as his hair was cut and thrown to the ground. He didn’t admit it but it felt nice to have the angry growl upon his head tamed. He did not complain when Fandral cut his beard a while later, either, leaving only enough to please Thor.

He looked at himself in the mirror afterwards, with a short trimmed beard and well kept hair, he looked rather good.

Fandral collected the discarded hair to toss it away and Thor studied himself.

He looked _clean_.

He felt it, too.

Thor no longer looked like someone who made people pull their children closer or grab their valuables tighter. He looked like a man who had a home and respect.

It wasn’t his but he had it – for now.

“Here you are” Fandral handed him a tunic

Thor took a sniff from it when he held it in his hands.

“This is scented, too”

“Aye, everything is” Fandral told him “I suggest wearing a cape so that wearing your gloves will not look strange, aye?”

Thor gave him a nod before he pulled the tunic over his head. Fandral departed to leave him be and Thor once more studied himself.

How long had he wanted to look like this? He didn’t remember. He knew it was long enough for him to pretend he no longer wanted to.

There was a part of him who had always wanted a home and hearth, he’d just silenced it because he never thought he would gain it.

He touched his beard again, marveling at how soft it felt and how regal it made him look.

Never had he thought he would look the way he wanted to.

Fandral had left a ribbon for him and Thor tied the top of his hair back into it, leaving the rest to flow freely. He then looked at himself one last time in the mirror and left the bathing chambers, only to bump into Loki, who had walked in from outside.

“Oh” Loki stepped back “forgive me, I was lost in thought”

He stared at Thor, taking in his new, cleaner appearance.

“You – You look so …” he began

“Normal?” Thor smiled

A blush painted Loki’s cheeks and he looked at his hands

“Nay, just … different” Loki tucked some hair behind his ear and felt his blush heat up further.

“I hope that’s good” Thor walked past him to get himself a drink from the decanter.

He was in Loki’s large chambers.

He knew it was an uncomfortable situation so he’d slept in a spare chamber not far from here. He’d locked it from inside and made sure no one saw him leave it. It had succeeded because nearly everyone was exhausted or suffering from over drinking last night.

No one would have noticed and were likely staying clear of the sleeping chambers since they expected ‘Balder’ and Loki to have an energetic reunion.

Behind him, Loki fiddled with his hands and tried not to look too nervous. He had a strange man in his chambers, who looked exactly like his husband and this was the first time he was alone with him.

He hadn’t time nor chance to get Thor in solitude and now that he had, his mind seemed to have decided to forget the art of any conversation.

Thor seemed much the same since he was taking longer to drink than usual, but eventually, he turned to look at Loki.

“You do not have to look so worried, I will not hurt you”

Loki blinked at him with his green, green eyes and then flushed

“I am aware” he said “or – or I mean I trust you enough, I am just not – not used to having someone in my chambers”

“You had Balder” Thor turned to him “Aye? Or did he have a separate room?”

“Nay, he was here” Loki fiddled with his sleeve “This is just strange for me”

“I can imagine”

Thor poured another drink and brought it over, this time for Loki. He stood before him and extended his hand with a meaningful look.

“I think you might need this”

That, Loki accepted gratefully and smiled at him

“Thank you”

He took the glass and went to take a seat in one of the large chairs in the corner. He sat there, sipping it as Thor came to sit in the one beside his.

Thor saw the way Loki sat – anxious and restless. He was clearly bothered and Thor cleared his throat before addressing him.

“If it is too painful for you to see me, I can go”

“No” Loki shook his head “N-No, I am alright. I am just thinking”

“About something unpleasant” Thor smiled a little “must be me”

“Nay,” Loki gave him a short glance, then looked back “It’s not you”

“Then tell me why you won’t look at me” Thor said softly

Loki stilled. His gaze was focused on the floor and his hands held his glass tight.

“It does hurt you to look at me” Thor said

Loki grit his jaw, then nodded slowly.

“I know what I asked” he explained “I just underestimated my own ability to handle how much you look like him. It’s stupid, aye? You are twins, bound to look like one another and I was aware of that…”

“It does not make you stupid, Loki” Thor touched his arm “it makes you human. It shows you have a heart”

Loki turned his head to him “What do you mean?”

“If it hurts, you must have a heart” Thor said “if you have a heart, it must hurt. Our emotions rarely listen to logic”

Loki looked at him steadily for a few seconds, then back to his drink.

“You’re very kind”

Thor smiled “Nay, I have just seen enough pain in you to try and keep more of it from you”

He gave his arm a squeeze and Loki placed his atop it for a few seconds.

“I am very grateful for your presence” Loki told him “the entire Isle is celebrating. New life seems to be given to the people”

“They did seem happy”

Loki nodded to that, then finished his drink and got to his feet

“I have to overlook a few things but Sif and Fandral are waiting for you” Loki put his glass aside “but I will come back tonight. Aye?”

“Aye, I will see you, Loki” Thor smiled

Loki nodded, then turned to go.

He had lied, there was nothing for him to overlook – he just wanted to get away from Thor. He couldn’t stand looking at his face and be reminded of how he’d lost Balder.

In a strange way, he missed the anxiety he’d felt when he worried about his Isle being lost.

It kept the pain of losing his husband away.

He walked down the halls and out from the manor and into the city.

There were people everywhere, food, celebrations and the like. It didn’t take long for Vali to come running beside him.

“My lord!” he gasped “We are all so happy! Is he well?”

“Aye” Loki smiled at him “he is in fine health, just a little tired, understandably. He wishes to rest before he starts to get back into his usual routine.”

“Thank the Norns” Vali said “Things will improve for us now that he’s returned”

Loki hoped so, too. The thing he hoped for the most was that Sir Byleistr didn’t return. They had that damned agreement to get to and Loki was not looking forward to cancelling it.

It would create a backlash, he was sure.

Loki headed to the stables, deciding on taking his horse, Svadilfari, on a ride around the Isle, to get away from the duties and find a little freedom.

Usually, he spent that time in his rooms but today, those rooms were occupied. He would go to the spot he went to whenever he and Balder had an occasional heated argument.

The stable hands greeted him with joy and Loki nodded to them as he walked into the stables, only to stop short when he saw something that hadn’t been there before.

Sitting on the floor of the stalls, clearly too much of a noble to be in one, was the fattest horse Loki had ever seen. It was a spotted one, with a fat, chubby body and big brown eyes that were focused on Loki.

He looked at Loki as though he was an intruder.

“Johan” Loki called “what the hell is that?”

Johan, one of the senior horse handlers, walked in and stared to the horse Loki pointed to.

“We don’t know, sir” he said “Lord Balder brought it with him – it’s a horse, for sure”

“It looks like a pig” Loki stared

“It sits like a dog” Johan walked over “watch”

He went to Sleipnir, who was munching on some of the hay before him and nudged him with his foot. The horse, irritated, gave an annoyed huff but sat him, as he usually did, right on his rump with his hind legs bent and his front set between them.

Loki stared.

“Extraordinary” he whispered

“He doesn’t let anyone ride him either” he said “he almost crushed Ivan to death when he tried. Fell over on him and refused to move”

“Then we best steer clear of this one” Loki went to get his horse out

Svadilfari was a large, slender horse, who looked at Sleipnir with clear disdain. He whacked Sleipnir on the face with his tail, earning an offended neigh from him, but nothing else.

Any other act would require moving and Sleipnir was not one to do that unless prompted.

Loki saddled Svadilfari and made his way out of the stables. He hopped onto the horse and after a wave to the boys looking over at him, Loki rode off, leaving behind his anxiety and his worries as he did so.

***

Thor was practicing posture.

It became very clear to him that Balder had much more finesse and grace than he ever would. He was of the same build, yes, but he was far from elegant.

All the dancing lessons Balder had taken as a child and the ones Thor scoffed at were now playing in his head. He was with Sif, holding her in his arms and did his best to move to the music Fandral supplied.

“Head up” Sif tapped his chin

“I will keep stepping on your feet if I don’t look” Thor argued

“You will do worse if you don’t look at me” Sif told him “now just trust yourself. You’re a warrior, you know how to move”

“Hardly a warrior” Thor held her as gently as possible “I can swing around a few weapons, that’s all”

“”What is your weapon of choice?” Fandral asked

“I prefer the axe, the one I have is pretty sharp” Thor said “but I am thinking about switching it for your much sharper glare”

Sif laughed softly and Fandral narrowed his eyes at Thor. He held his tongue, however, watching as they danced around. Thor seemed to be getting it but he noticed that he fumbled quite a bit.

“Your stance is so much different to Loki’s” he told Sif “everyone will notice”

“Aye, because I am not Loki” Sif said “and no one will notice, they are happy he is back”

“It’s is still a risk” Fandral told her “and his posture is incorrect”

“What do you mean?” Thor asked

“Balder walked with his back straight” Fandral replied, going to get a book “let us do that”

Thor almost groaned out loud and looked at Sif when she stepped back.

“I suspect you two of making a fool of me” he told her bluntly

“I would understand suspecting him, considering he is a ninny” Sif went to get her scarf “but I am a professional”

She was, indeed.

She was the first woman Thor had ever seen who wore trousers.

She’d worn then when he first saw her but hid them in her cloak that night. Now, he saw how well she looked in them and wondered why more women didn’t do the same.

Sif picked up her coat and went to use it as a cushion as she sat on the floor.

They’d moved the chairs back and she was in no mood to drag one over at the moment.

“Alright” Fandral brought a book over “hold still”

Thor tried not to sigh and did as he asked, standing still so Fandral could place the book upon his head.

“Very good” Fandral stepped back “now walk and try not to let it fall”

Thor took a deep breath, kept his posture and walked forward.

“Was Balder always in a bad mood?” he asked

“Nay, why do you ask?” Fandral frowned

“Because he was sure to have a stick up his arse if he walked like this” Thor said

“Have some respect” Fandral scolded softly “he was your brother”

Thor hummed, saying nothing to that.

He knew that, it was why he was doing this.

Loki was part of it, Thor had returned because it was what his brother would have wanted. He’d wanted Thor to accompany him to Seidr and Thor had refused.

He’d reached out to him a month before he was killed.

Thor had refused.

And now he was to live in a world where Balder was no more, thinking repeatedly about what he could have done to keep this from happening.

Contrary to what Fandral, and Loki, thought, Thor was not here to get something. He was here because he had denied his brother the chance to meet him once more, to mend their fight.

He’d reached out to him very much in the early months of his marriage but Thor never replied. He always ensured that he was far from contact.

A letter had managed to reach him once, a month before Balder was to depart for his expedition. He’d told him he was to face an enemy that he’d been chasing for a while now. He had wanted Thor to help.

Thor had read the letter and tossed it into the fire he was next to.

Had he known that was the last letter Balder would ever send, he would have behaved differently.

Thor said nothing as he walked to the wall, turned and walked back all the while keeping the book firmly on his head.

Fandral made him practice his dancing, his posture and even some of his speech. Thor found that easy, he’d always known Balder spoke more formally than he did so he managed to do that well enough that he was freed at lunch.

And the first thing Thor did was to rush out into the gardens just to get away from everything. This was slightly more challenging that he’d thought it would be.

It was so much easier to just lift a weapon and attack an enemy. This was actual effort.

Thor found an obliging peach tree and took some of the fruit, sitting under it as he ate the juicy stolen treat. He heard people in the distance, he could smell some of the cooking, too. It gave him a homey feel he hadn’t felt in years.

Thor remembered sitting in the large country side where he and Balder had grown up.

He would always escape the chores that his mother had assigned to the two of them. He’d always preferred to be outdoors so Balder had been saddled with the chores until the end of time. He never had the drive nor the desire to stay inside till he lost his housing and was given the live of staying in taverns or the open sky.

Thor had spent more than one night longing for what he had now, he could only admit in this rare moment. He’d wanted to be an honorable man but without Balder, he hadn’t been able to do it.

Balder had.

He’d been able to become a knight in, gain a home and settled perfectly. He’d offered that to Thor but he’d declined and turned that moment into the last time he’d ever seen his brother.

Thor had left, disappointed that they were settling down because in that moment, he wanted adventure. He should have known better.

Regret filled him deeply enough that he was able to pretend it wasn’t there.

At least in front of others. In times like these, with no one to lie to and no bandit or footpad to capture, he had to face the truth he avoided on a daily basis.

He remembered that night, he would never forget it because unbeknownst to him, it had been the last time he would ever see Balder.

_“You must be jesting” Thor stared at his brother “marriage? To a boy you do not even know nor met?”_

_“I am not making a jest” Balder huffed “It is an offer and an opportunity for us to have the lives we’ve always wanted. I have become a Knight, you are close to it. With this Isle, we will have the best possible living and an army of our own”_

_“You mean your own” Thor told him “they swear fealty to you, now me, brother. I just help you”_

_“You do much more” Balder said “I wouldn’t be able to manage the finances as I do if you didn’t help”_

_“I pretend to be you” Thor took a sip from his cup “That seems to be the only way I can get glory”_

_They were sitting in their small study that served as a drawing room whenever Balder’s friends came to visit. It was small enough to warm the most in this little cottage. They had their after dinner port in here and told of their day’s stories. Tonight, Thor had told him about another possible commission to capture a rather lucrative criminal and Balder had told him of this._

_His impending nuptials_

_He’d accepted the offer Thrym had given him and was sure to get Odin’s blessing on it. It was just another feat that Thor hadn’t been able to achieve. It would just be another notch in the post of Thor’s vivid failures in Odin’s eyes._

_He hadn’t met them in years but Thor knew his disdain would likely make that mean nothing. He would still look upon him with judgement and disapproval._

_“That is not true” Balder told him “you will get your own glory, just give this a chance”_

_“I rather like the life here in this part of the country” Thor looked to the fire “besides, why is my presence so important?”_

_ “Who else will be my General?” Balder asked “I trust no one other than you”_

_That made Thor turn to him again_

_“Your General” he repeated “I am to serve you?”_

_“Nay, not at all” Balder said “it’s just the fact that I will be the one to wed the heir of Laufey and …”_

_“And be my master” Thor finished for him _

_“You are my brother” Balder said “there is no inequality between us”_

_“There is in this instance” Thor got to his feet “forgive me for not jumping at the chance of your opportunity to command over me and show me, once more that I am worth less than you”_

_Balder took a calming breath, trying to tell himself that this was Thor’s reaction, his instinct, to attack him. It was the result of how Balder had been held on a pedestal while Thor was scorned because of how he was._

_He knew that but it still angered him a little bit._

_Thor was mature enough to know that Balder would never ever make it seem like he was above him. _

_To Thor, it was similar to him keeping just a little more money for himself with they split the earnings Thor went out to get._

_“Thor, I would never command you” Balder told him “you are my brother and my friend.”_

_“And someone who is beneath you” Thor put his drink aside _

_“Thor” Balder got to his feet and looked at him sternly “your pride is getting the better of you. do not lose this chance over something so petty”_

_“You know much about pettiness” Thor told him “do you not?”_

_“What is that supposed to mean?” Balder frowned_

_“Think on it, I trust you will find the answer” Thor turned to the door “good night”_

_Balder had let him go and shaken his head before he took the seat once more._

_Thor had no idea about what had gone through his head afterwards. If he had, he would have known that Balder did not wish to leave without him a week later. _

_He’d returned to a notice of eviction and most of their belongings gone – nay, most of Balder’s belongings gone. Most of what was in their house had been Balder’s. All Thor had was a bed and a dresser in his chambers._

_He remembered feeling betrayed, he remembered taking naught but the mattress atop his bed, selling whatever else there was and leaving._

_He left that home and went to live in a lie where he, out of pride, refused to acknowledge that his brother had been correct._

_Life would have been better had he just listened._

Thor exhaled and ran his fingers through his hair as he sat on the sweet, soft grass of Seidr.

He wondered if his brother had walked this path, too.

He had to have, since this had been his home for seven years.

He’d wanted to grow old here, retire, have a family, possibly.

Now all that was left were distant memories and a brother who was filled with so much guilt that he began to deny he had any.

***

Loki hid his surprise very well.

He’d still stared, however, when he entered his chambers and saw Thor dancing within. He was alone, no music with him, no partner, his eyes were closed but he was humming a tune in between mumbling what steps he was to do.

He was moving expertly, Loki noted. He possessed the grace Balder did but it was hidden behind the roughness and over all rogue aura Thor had. He lumbered, he didn’t walk. Right now, however, he looked graceful, he looked as though he knew what his movements were and Loki stood there, watching for a few long minutes.

Other than his quiet humming and the scuffing of his feet on the floors, Thor made no sound. He also seemed to be unaware of Loki’s presence.

Or at least, that’s what Loki thought until Thor spoke.

“I am not intimidated, you know”

Loki blinked in surprise when Thor turned and smiled

“You can watch me dance, I am not intimidated” he said

Loki frowned “Why would you be intimidated?”

“You are a far more accomplished dancer, I hear” Thor continued, turning away again “and I, barely a novice”

Loki smiled, just a little “Hardly, you seem to be handling yourself well”

“Thank you, my lord”

Loki rubbed his arms and closed the door behind him.

“Have you had dinner?” he asked

“I did” Thor said “Sif and Fandral guided me on table etiquette, it was the most unpleasant meal I have ever had”

Loki grimaced “Forgive me, those two took this too far”

“Maybe”

Loki went past him to his closet, opening the door to see Thor’s reflection in the mirror on the inside of the doors.

He was still dancing, likely, to keep any awkwardness between them at bay.

It wasn’t really working, so as Loki pulled his night clothes from the wardrobe, Thor stopped and studied him.

He was lingering and Thor knew it was because of him. He was making Loki uncomfortable.

“Would you prefer that I leave?” Thor asked

Loki spun and stared at him, taken aback

“N-No!” he said “why …no, don’t, please…”

“I meant the chambers” Thor placated “I didn’t offer to leave the Isle”

“Oh” Loki blushed “forgive me, I am…my mind is in shambles”

Thor smiled “It is understandable, you have been through much in the last few days”

“Aye” Loki looked relieved “I have had better days”

Less lonelier ones, too, Thor wagered.

He remembered how Loki had held him and took a step closer.

“If I may suggest” he said “would you like to take a walk with me?”

Loki looked surprised “A walk? At this hour?”

“You will be safe with me” Thor said “and I feel we have to talk, don’t you?”

“Oh”

Loki had made sure that Thor was given the information and taken care of so that he would have limited interaction with him. It was painful for him to see him this close, to see the face of his husband before him.

“It will be a short walk” Thor nodded to the door “come along”

Loki nodded, feeling odd. He’d only ever stayed in his rooms after dinner, talking with Balder. He felt empty and lost, with nothing to occupy him after dinner now.

But here was Thor, taking him on a walk that Loki went to somewhat willingly.

He followed Thor out and nodded to a few guards who looked at the pair.

Thor discreetly put his hands in his pockets so they didn’t notice the lack of his tattoo and Loki wrapped his arms around himself.

They went through the manor halls and outside, walking along the cobbled paths, seeing the horses and cattle be taken care of after dinner. Few people gave them attention and Loki was rather glad of it. He kept his head bowed and walked with Thor as they found the gardens.

There were crickets singing around them and Loki looking at him fleetingly.

“What do you wish to speak of?” he asked

“Much” Thor scuffed the grass with his feet as they walked on “mostly, about what I wish for in return for helping you”

Loki felt his body stiffen in apprehension.

Contrary to what he’d said earlier, Loki did not trust Thor fully. He barely knew the man. True, he was grateful for his help but the fact still remained that he knew more about the outside world than he did about Thor.

“Oh” he began carefully “what do you wish for in return?”

“Nothing too drastic” Thor told him “just a monthly stipend and allowance to spend some time with you”

Thor could tell Loki didn’t cherish the latter. Money was easy, that he would get, but he knew that Loki avoided him. It was abundantly clear.

“I see” Loki walked with him “I will see what I can do about that”

“I do not say this to hurt you nor to make you uncomfortable” Thor said “I only do so because it is expected so that your people believe the façade”

“Of course” Loki nodded “I apologize”

“Do not apologize” Thor said kindly “your situation is not an easy one. I do not think ill of you if you wish to spend time away from me. I just say this for the sake of what we are doing”

“Aye, you’re correct in that” Loki walked towards a few trees “I will make an effort, too”

It had been so easy to just avoid him, truly.

“Thank you” Thor smiled

He watched as Loki went to take refuge behind a few tall trees and was slightly mesmerized by how the moonlight hit him through the leaves. They swayed in the breeze and cast a stunning aura around him.

Loki had such pale, soft skin, it seemed more so in this moonlight.

Thor remembered how soft his lips were too and how pliant they were under his own.

He stopped that thought immediately, because this was his brother’s widower he was speaking to.

“You are the one doing us a service” Loki played with a flower that hung from the leaves around him “you shouldn’t thank us”

“I was taught to be gracious” Thor joined him

Loki looked at him again, then away once more.

Thor saw wariness and worry in his eyes. There was so much stopped by Loki, things he wanted to say but didn’t.

Thor could feel it.

“I know” Loki replied “Balder was the same”

Thor’s face turned sad, “Loki. I’m very, very sorry for your loss”

Loki looked to him slowly “Truly?”

“Of course” Thor said “how could I not?”

“You seemed displeased, I just assumed you did not like me”

Thor shook his head “That’s very far from the truth, Loki. I had my own disputes, I chose to leave those behind”

“For a better life?” Loki questioned

Thor thought if he could be honest with him and that if that honesty would lead to Loki being a little less distrustful of him.

“For an act of contrition”

A frown settled on Loki’s brow and Thor smiled a little sadly.

“Balder and I had a falling out before he wed you” Thor pulled at a leaf as he spoke “I, in my arrogance believed that I was correct. I believed that the life of a knight was to capture criminals and earn glory. He believed in more. When he told me that he and I could make a life here, my mind was still focused on gaining glory and becoming a knight.”

“Balder spoke about that once” Loki told him “he said he made mistakes and made you think you were beneath him”

“I was” Thor confessed “I truly was. I was good with a sword and a blade, that was my only use. – at least till now”

“He didn’t believe that” Loki walked to another tree “he thought you two completed and enhanced each other’s strengths. He had truly wanted you to live here, too”

“I know” Thor slowly followed

They went deeper into the small wooded area, one that would eventually lead to another part of the manor.

“Was he always strict?” Loki asked, aware of Thor behind him “he was when he lived here. Everyone was wary of him. He rarely ever smiled”

“He wasn’t too strict” Thor replied, touching a few leaves and low branches as he walked “he was rather passionate about things he loved and it showed.”

“Oh” Loki said

There was a hint of disappointment in his voice but Thor didn’t comment.

Loki was thankful for that.

He knew what his marriage had lacked and he didn’t need Thor to know that. Balder had been a god husband, he was fortunate to have him.

That was all he needed to think about, too.

What he’d had was enough.

“He loved investing time in these lands” Loki said instead “all that you see in terms of security was his doing.”

“That is truly impressive” Thor commented “but you managed before him, too”

“Before he came, I was in rather a lot of trouble” Loki laughed a little bitterly

Thor frowned “How so?”

Loki was surprised when he looked at him. He was sure that Thor had known – everyone did. They talked about it, about him, about what had happened to him. He saw either pity or disdain and wondered what Thor would pick when he told him.

Everyone had, Loki never gained sympathy or understanding or even commendation for his escape. He’d hated the feeling of people, his own men and women, looking at him as though he was fragile and would break upon impact. They acted strangely around him, handing him things they previously let him use himself, whispering whenever he entered the room, showing a merciless kindness that made Loki think he would go mad.

Or they judged him and talked about him, talked about how tainted he was. They made rumors about how he bartered his body to escape Helheimr. They also spoke about how Loki likely had an affair with Byleistr and got afraid when people began to catch on so he ended it.

He’d barely been a boy back then.

Barely.

“Well,” Loki didn’t look at him as he walked onwards “when I was seventeen, Sir Byleistr thought that it was a wise idea to kidnap me”

Thor stilled “What?”

“Aye” Loki spared him one, short look over his shoulder “he took me to his manor and kept me there long enough for everyone to ensure that my reputation was ruined. See, it’s a norm for young heirs like myself to be taken by men stronger than them and wed them.”

“I know of that sick sport” Thor told him

“Well, then you know what happens to people who refuse to wed their captors”

“I do” Thor said “they are shamed for not wedding the cruel man who took them in some disillusioned form of honor”

“Yes” Loki rubbed his arm “when I refused, he lost his temper. He broke a few vases, hurled insults at me and told me that I would lose my realm to more just like him.”

“What barbaric behavior” Thor growled “he’s worse than I thought”

“He’s one of the vilest people I know”

They were in the middle of the trees now, the moonlight fell in a beautiful circle where the trees had been downed to create a small sitting area. There were two benches illuminated by the moonlight and Loki went to take a seat in one while Thor sat in the other.

“I have a question” Thor asked

He saw Loki tense in apprehension but to his merit, he did not refuse. He nodded and looked at Thor, waiting.

“Why didn’t Balder avenge your honor?” Thor asked

“Oh, that’s a simple answer” Loki fixed his tunic “the trade back then was more important than a foolhardy attempt at gaining something that didn’t exist. Nothing truly happened, it would have been for naught”

“Didn’t Byleistr force himself upon you?” Thor asked bluntly

Loki blinked in surprise – there had been no delicacy about his words.

But he answered, shaking his head “No. He tried but I got away”

“Right…” Thor looked at the grass beneath them

“It would not have been worth it” Loki immediately said “I was safe, nothing happened”

“And Balder saw it fit to keep business going with the man who kidnapped you?” Thor looked at him

It might have been his imagination but he swore he saw a hint of anger in Loki’s eyes.

It was proved to be correct when Loki’s voice came out harder than before.

“It would have damaged us” Loki said firmly “my husband was a good man. Do not try to make him unkind or inconsiderate”

“I am not” Thor told him “I merely wish to understand his reasoning apart from business”

“I would have caused more damage than done any sort of good” Loki told him “we had trade to think about, nothing truly happened so it was in the best interest of the land for us to let it go”

“I didn’t mean to offend” Thor told him “but I know my brother. He would not stand the honor of someone he loved be tarnished.”

To that, Loki said nothing and silence fall between the two of them. It was by no means comfortable, but neither of them got up to leave, either, which Thor counted as a good thing.

Loki had his teeth grit and Thor was looking at the grass wondering how long they would have to sit here before they could go back to manor.

The crickets chirped around them and somewhere, hidden in the trees, owls hooted as they looked upon the two.

Thor opened his mouth to say something but Loki did first.

“I asked him not to do anything” he said softly “he wanted to. He wanted to cut all trades with him but my people needed the paths he’d opened to Seidr.”

“He should have wanted more” Thor argued “Had you been my - ”

He broke off, making Loki look at him curiously.

Thor was stupid. Loki was not his and would never be his anything. The only relationship they could have was to be unlikely friends. Loki looked upon him and saw the face of his dead, loving husband, nothing else.

What Thor saw, he wouldn’t say, even thinking about it was idiocy and he should have known that before he’d parted his lips to say his last sentence.

“Had I been your…?” he prompted when Thor focused on the trees

Loki thought he wouldn’t say anything, but Thor took a deep breath, then turned to him.

“Had I been in his place” Thor said “Byleistr would have no hands to dare to try and touch you with again”

Loki saw the intensity in his gaze and he knew he wasn’t lying.

Had fortune given him Thor, Byleistr wouldn’t have survived.

“Well” Loki said eventually “then I think it is good that I was given the level headed brother”

Thor smirked “You wouldn’t be the first to prefer him over me”

Loki saw the pain behind that statement but kept his mouth shut. Thor did much the same, sitting in the silence with him once more, wondering why he had to say what he did and how he did. Loki was right, Balder was level headed, he wouldn’t have provoked him like Thor did.

And he didn’t even know why he didn’t.

Jealousy, was the answer, the hint of jealousy and insufficient self worth made him unable to bear even the goods his brother had possessed.

He had always been Thor’s superior in sense and situation. Thor had few claims of those two attributes.

It was no wonder Loki had noticed.

They did eventually leave to head back to the manor but the air between them was tense and hard. Thor knew Loki wouldn’t welcome him in his chambers, but he was truly surprised when, once they reached the chambers, Loki stopped by the door.

“It would be wise for us to share the room tonight” he opened the door “come in”

Thor followed, then watched Loki lock the door and then go to get Thor a pillow.

“The couch is suitable enough” he handed Thor the pillow

“I think the floor will suffice” Thor went to place the pillow on a rug

Loki rolled his eyes, departed for the bathing chambers to leave Thor be.

Thor settled down and pulled one of the throws from the bed so he could put it over himself. His gaze went to the ceiling and stayed there even when he heard Loki exit the bathroom and walk past him to the bed.

“Sweet dreams”

Loki stopped and looked down at him for a moment.

“Just so you are aware” he said “I sleep with a knife”

Thor let out a soft snicker and Loki blew out the candle by his bed so that the room was cloaked in darkness so they could sleep.

***

If Loki thought that the next day would be better, he was wrong.

He was in his study, going through his financial reports when news of the nastiest kind came to him.

“Sir Byleistr is outside” Vali said from his door “He’s brought his contract for you to see”

Loki closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

His damned contract.

In all the excitement, he’d _forgotten_ about that!

Hell’s teeth, he was going to lose his mind today.

However, Loki still smiled at the boy

“Seat him in the drawing room, I will be here” he said “no wine this time”

“Aye, how about some swill?” Vali asked “we have some the pigs didn’t want”

“Lower you voice!” Loki gasped, trying not to laugh “if someone hears you, you will be in trouble”

Vali grinned, not discouraged even in the slightest and then went to get them some dried fruits. They were easier to clean up.

Loki inhaled deeply, gave himself the mental patience needed to deal with this man, then walked out of his study to go to the drawing room.

He could have sworn, he could smell the stink that came from Byleistr, even before he entered the chambers. He took a breath of clean air and walked in, giving him a false smile.

“Sir Byleistr” he greeted “good morning”

“Ah, the most fortunate man in the lands” Byleistr approached “I know there are many in our neighbors who would love to have my protection”

Loki tensed when Byleistr took his hands within his own, fat ones. Loki almost winced when he saw the indents his rings made in his fingers and wondered if they would ever come off.

“I have drafted our agreement” Byleistr grinned “will you read it?”

“Oh” Loki pulled away “I should have written to you about that. I don’t think it will work between us.”

Byleistr frowned “What do you mean?”

“I no longer require protection” Loki clarified “you see…”

“How could you not require protection?” Byleistr tried to keep his calm “we had an agreement and…”

“I do believe that my husband told you that he no longer needs you”

Both Loki and Byleistr froze when Thor’s deep voice filled the room.

He was at the door, Vali behind him, clearly having summoned him like a wraith from the nether realms.

He was in Balder’s clothing, but had the dangerous aura around him that Balder didn’t possess. His thick arms were crossed at his chest and he studied Byleistr carefully.

“So what are you still doing here, Byleistr?” Thor asked

“S-Sir Balder!” Byliestr gaped “you live”

“Of course I do” Thor stepped in “rumors of my death were greatly exaggerated.”

Byleistr looked lost as he stared at him, all his plans and tactics suddenly faded to nothing. He saw Balder come to put an arm around Loki’s shoulders, who tensed a moment, but then went back to looking at the man in front of him.

“Ah, I am glad that you are in good health” Byleistr said quickly “Things would have been very difficult had this been more unfortunate than it turned out to be”

“Aye” Thor smiled at him “Now, correct my mistake if I am wrong but if I remember you and my husband seem to have had a few problems, yes?”

He felt Loki tense in his grip but he didn’t relent.

“We did, but we talked about that” Byleistr was quick to point out “we both know that he was a guest in my home and - ”

“That is not what I refer to” Thor’s tone of voice was hard

Byleistr stilled “Then what…?”

“Your constant raids on my husband’s shipments have caused him severe anxiety, Sir Byleistr” Thor kept his stance casual “Now I may have been gone but my protection and my name at this Isle stayed. You dishonored that, then in doing so, you dishonored me”

Byleistr stared, opening and closing his mouth as though he was a fish.

“I – I have never…”

“Darling, could you leave us be a moment?” Thor turned to Loki “I wish to converse with this man”

There was warning in Loki’s eyes when he looked at Thor, Loki was telling him not to ruin this, not to destroy the chance he’d been given. Thor saw those warnings and chose to bypass them by kissing him full on the mouth and stepping away.

“Close the door behind you if you can, dear”

Loki narrowed his eyes at him, but said nothing to either of them before he made his way out, leaving Thor alone with Byleistr.

The moment the door closed, Byleistr smiled at him

“I have never been happier that you wed him, Lord Balder” he simpered “I confess, I tried my hand at gaining him but a man like Loki, even if he is a bære is far too clever for me to possess. But as we agreed before, all that is water under the bridge”

Thor hummed “You seem like a man who has … at least a modicum of intelligence”

Byleistr beamed at that, almost causing Thor to roll his eyes.

“Thank you, Sir, I …”

“I am not done” Thor cut in “you seem to be a man with a modicum of intelligence, so I will say this once and only once. I will not tolerate your presence of the presence of your men around my husband’s cargo. If I find that they have been looted again, I will not only break trade with you, I will ensure that your neighbors will cease speaking or negotiating with you. You will lose what little respect you have and die barely above a beggar, understand?”

Byleistr stared at him, completely shocked as though he never expected him to say this.

That was then Thor realized it – _he_ was not supposed to. _He_ was supposed to be _Balder_, the level headed, calm knight in shining armor.

But what was done, couldn’t be taken back and Thor stood his ground, raising a brow at Byleistr, who looked cowed.

“I understand” he muttered, his gaze lowered.

He flinched a moment after when Thor snatched the papers from his hands and tore them up before his eyes.

“Good” Thor tossed the torn pieces into the fireplace “now I believe it is time for you to depart.”

“Of course”

Byleistr gathered his things and turned to the door, but stopped to look at him.

“If I may say so” he said “I think it is wise of you to get him with child and leave this land.”

Thor frowned “I beg your pardon?”

“Sir Balder, you are a man of honor and adventure. Give him the child and let him do what he does best. Do not be saddled down with him, one who is nothing but an anchor to your quests in life. There is more than being the husband of a potion maker” Byleistr said

There was a short pause as Thor studied the man with him, his arms crossed.

He had no idea that Loki was on the other side of the door, listening to the two of them.

“Is your brilliant scheme in dealing with Loki?” Thor finally inquired “to get him with child and leave?”

“He is the lord of a fat, profitable land, the only good thing left for you to do is to ensure no one gets it” Byleistr said “rumors of your death caused many to get greedy with the promise of this land. A child will ensure that you stake your claim in a permanent way”

Loki tried not to let it get to him yet it hurt and embarrassed him as he stood by the door, listening.

Inside, Thor exhaled “Then you are a bigger fool than I believed you to be”

Loki felt a smile curve his lips even if he didn’t want it to. It felt – good to be defended.

Balder had always only listened and stayed silent, he told Loki to let it go since it wouldn’t do good and though Loki understood and though Balder came to comfort him at night, it still hurt.

“Bah!” Byleistr said “we will see how fortunate you are when you need shelter from him. Do not expect me to house you in Helheim’s Keep”

“Helhiem’s Keep is the last place I will ever take shelter, least of all from my own husband” Thor watched him grab the doorknob “And one more thing, Byleistr, if you will listen”

“Aye?” Byleistr turned to him

“I wish to discuss this with you and let it be known that I come from my battles a changed man” Thor told him “I have seen the error of my ways so I will address this with you once more. It is about Loki’s visit to your home, years ago”

Loki froze

“I am aware that nothing happened and that you have been quietly reaping the benefits of Loki’s lands from all these past years” Thor continued “and all that at the expense of Loki’s honor”

“Now, now” Byleistr began “nothing happened, he stayed in his rooms, like I have told you…”

“Regardless,” Thor cut in “it was a kidnapping so you can be assured that for that, there will be a reckoning”

Byleistr’s face turned pale and outside, Loki felt his heart nearly halt.

“God’s eyes, man” Byleistr gaped “It was years ago, surely you do not wish to challenge me now?”

“Not now” Thor said “Loki will not condone any violence upon his beautiful lands. But you held him there, a boy of seventeen, against his will. So even if it is not now, there will be a time and a place where I will settle this with you”

“But – But I didn’t touch the boy!” Byliestr panicked

“That is not the impression you gave to everyone in the lands” Thor challenged

“I – I did it only to – to gain advantage when people traded with me over him, over a tarnished reputation!” Byleistr confessed “he stayed in the darn rooms, he didn’t come out”

“I believe you” Thor told him “now go. Your presence is unwanted here”

Once more, Byleistr looked worried and he rushed to open the door and leave, not even seeing Loki, who was pretending to talk to a passing servant.

Loki looked at him, at how he rushed away, muttering to himself and clearly afraid. He’d come here to gain something and was chased off with his tail between his legs.

It gave him satisfaction, seeing his tormentor, run like that.

Balder, for all his good spirit and honor, had never been able to do that to him. It was just chance that Byleistr was wary around him.

Now Thor, as Balder, had struck fear into Byleistr’s heart, sending him running as fast as he could, far away from Loki and his home.

Loki turned as Thor exited the drawing room. He looked so regal, with his hair braided back and his cold eyes focused on Byleistr’s retreating back.

Once Byleistr was out of sight, Thor gazed at Loki, who was caught between thanking him and scolding him for his stupidity.

Balder would never have done anything like that.

Balder would never have done that.

Loki lowered his gaze, trying to find the words to say, but Thor’s hand came to rest upon his shoulder and he looked up to see him standing there, right before him.

“Do not” Thor told him “do not tell me I shouldn’t have done that. He deserved far worse”

Loki nodded, looking at the ground and let Thor guide him into his arms. He felt one large hand cradle his head and Loki closed his eyes, feeling the anger and irritation from last night fade from him immediately.

Thor rubbed his back, setting his lips at Loki’s temple as he held him.

Neither of them moved for a long time.

***

Fandral watched, with slightly narrowed eyes as Thor and Loki walked on.

They had taken to walks after dinner, something Loki had never done with Balder. They’d left from the manor kitchens after taking some fruit with them, having a private moment where Loki likely told Thor more about his brother.

His expression softened when he saw Loki move to fix the shawl that Thor wore, because it dragged on the cobbled pathway they had taken.

There was happiness in Loki’s eyes, something Fandral hadn’t seen even when he was with Balder.

It cemented his belief that Loki had been happy with Balder because he had no choice. It wasn’t that he was unhappy, no. He’d been grateful to have a husband who wasn’t a bad man.

Loki had been content. He liked Balder and Balder was fond of him – Fandral knew.

He’d also known that, in their most private moments, when it was just him and Balder, that Balder had confessed about how he and Loki had rarely been intimate.

He remembered he’d told him that they had long spells where neither of them initiated sex. They tried for a child once or twice, but that was lukewarm in Balder’s experience.

Balder, for all his nobility and honor, chose to invest his time and emotions in this land.

He cared deeply for Loki, but more like a brother than anything else. They loved one another platonically, not passionately.

It had been hard for him to get the enthusiasm needed for a good romp in the sheets.

Loki was a young man, Fandral knew, in the prime of his life. He needed the physical attention, he needed the emotional one, too.

It was why he let Thor hold him so much, Fandral noticed.

He was starved for affection and Thor was generous in giving it to him. He always had a hand at his back, always ruffled his hair when he left the room, always gave his cheek a kiss when he met with him.

Loki, in return, took him on elongated tours, private little walks, picnics in the gardens.

If Fandral didn’t know any better, he would say Loki looked happier than he’d ever seen him before.

It had been three weeks since Thor had arrived and already the difference between the Loki he’d seen when he came here to the Loki before him now was stark.

Fandral smiled a little when Thor poked Loki’s side, making him jump away, then retaliate by doing the same.

He was still suspicious of Thor, but his suspicions were slowly deteriorating.

Thor showed _Loki_ the care Balder had shown these lands.

Thor’s eyes were on Loki, on his stance, on his smile, his gestures. He was aware of the land and yes, he took to it, but it was Loki, who was his priority.

He was the one who had his attention.

“Fandral?”

A soft voice behind him made him turn and Fandral smiled when he saw Valka peeking out from the back door of the kitchen behind him.

“Aye?”

“I brought you some dessert” Valka blushed “if – if you wanted it”

Fandral gave him a grin and took it with a nod of gratitude.

“Thank you” he said “now will you join me?”

He held his arm out for him and, still red in the face Valka looped his arm through his and they walked down the path Thor and Loki took.

Who said that there would only be one pair of lovers beneath the stars tonight?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I TRIED making it an even 27,000. Let's pretend it is.
> 
> Also, I love your comments! They truly give me life


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki was still young, Thor was ten years older than him after all. There had to be things that didn’t connect between them.

He woke with the first kiss of the dawn’s twilight hours.

He wasn’t bothered, it was his instinct, when sleeping upon a hard, unforgiving surface, to wake with the sun. Though he had a rug under him instead of the hard earth and no insects had taken to making a home in his clothes, it was still difficult for him to wake later.

Had he been in a bed or sleeping on a softer, kinder bedding, Thor would likely have stayed asleep till late morn.

But, as it was, his years under the stars and the sun had given him this ability so he sat up and ran a hand through his hair.

He could hear the roosters crowing outside and sat waking slowly, something he’d considered a luxury a few weeks back. Now, he felt more relaxed, easier, too.

He was getting used to a full stomach at night, he was sure he would start showing that soon if he didn’t take time to spar and train himself.

But the food here was so damn good, he couldn’t help but indulge.

Ever since Byleistr had backed away, here was much that Seidr was able to enjoy. The food got better, the people got happier and last night, Loki was discussing the possibility of commissioning a new ship to take more of his supplies and bring back more for them.

Of course, Sif would be the Captain. Thor had no doubt about that, the woman was formidable and Thor knew most of the men here were afraid of her. She was beautiful and she was dangerous. Thor had sparred with her a few times and though she had yet to win, she was becoming a worthy contender every passing day.

She learned from him. She studied him and he found himself struggling when she sparred.

Sif truly was magnificent and Thor was eager to go out with her and test their mettle on the ring. And, if, sometimes, they went drinking afterwards, or had lunch together, it was a bonus. He knew he was attracted to her, there was just something so superbly powerful about her that he couldn’t resist. The spark of mischief in her eyes, hidden behind kindness was one of the things that lured him in.

He wondered if, secretly, he could be with her the way his mind – and body – clearly wanted to be.

He knew he had to spend time with Loki and he truly enjoyed it. He liked the affection and the kisses he gave Loki, but Loki seemed to lack the spirit that Sif had. Thor saw him as sensitive, as someone who was to be protected, rather than be the protector.

Fandral had mentioned that Loki had been different, that he had been stronger before all this happened and that the toll Balder’s death took on him and the subsequent disasters by Byliestr’s hand all changed him.

Thor listened, but he had yet to believe that. To him, Loki was like the sweet damsel that had to be protected from a vicious villain and in some cases, it was correct. He had been taken by Byleistr and it rooted a bone deep fear of the man into him.

But Loki was still young, Thor was ten years older than him after all. There had to be things that didn’t connect between them.

Loki had to fear things that harmed him, especially since he didn’t know how to spar.

Sif had told him he needed a teacher but trusted no one enough. There had once been a time when Balder had tried to teach him but that ended soon after for some reason.

Loki was a bære, made to nurture, not fight.

At least, that was what Thor thought.

He stuck to that thinking even now as he glanced to the bed where Loki lay sleeping.

With the thin white drapes moving slowly in the wind, it made Loki look ethereal, like he did not belong in this world. He looked like a mage from another fantasy realm, if Thor was honest.

He was beautiful, there was no doubt about that.

He had dark, raven hair that was soft to the touch. It curled sometimes, when Loki walked out of the bath, he hated how it looked then and brushed it through till it was the thick, slightly wavy texture it had now. He often tied it back to tame it, too.

His green eyes were like magic. Thor thought they sparkled when he was excited or talked about something that he liked. And recently, he had been. He’d opened up, he’d been more vibrant than he was when Thor met him. There was color in his cheeks, a joy in his step when they walked.

He was also a massive food lover, which Thor did not expect. More often than not, Thor pretended to be asleep as Loki snuck out of the room in the middle of the night to get himself something to eat.

Usually, it was something sweet.

He remembered one night that he’d gotten himself honeyed toasts and cream. It was something Thor never thought looked good together, but there was Loki, opening his book and having a midnight read as he lit a candle and enjoyed his treat.

Sometimes, he would freeze when Thor stirred in bed and stay frozen till he deemed it safe for him to eat again.

Whether it was because he was afraid Thor would ask to share or it was fear of judgement, he wouldn’t know.

But it was adorable.

Not that Thor would ever say it out aloud.

Loki was rather flustered when he complimented him. Apparently, Balder hadn’t done that.

It was strange, it really was. The more he heard about Balder, the more Thor began to think that he cared for the lands, not for Loki.

But, Loki did say that Balder came to comfort him and talk to him every night, he told him that they rarely had arguments and that he was there to help and support him.

Did he truly or was that something Loki thought was true to keep from realizing the faults of his late husband?

Thor had no idea and he most certainly wasn’t going to ask him.

He’d already had trouble enough.

There had been many vassals who had come to the border of these lands or had the gall to step into the lands, thinking Loki was not ‘free’ for them to take.

It had taken only a glance at Thor to have them running back.

One of them, a lord Fjolvar was more persistent than others and Thor had to block his path to glare at him to make him back down.

Not that he had, Thor was sure he would return to try his hand at gaining Loki’s favor.

He’d been a ballad before he struck luck and married a lady with fortune. The lady had passed in childbirth, leaving him with a child and a huge land directly behind Seidr. Unlike Byleistr, he’d kept his lands well and had openly traded everything he could with Loki.

Loki was grateful to him.

That was the extent of his interest towards Fjolvar but clearly the man had more interest in him than that. His eyes had followed Loki the entirety of his stay and his touches lingered on his hand. He didn’t dare try anything else because Thor was with them, but Thor knew that if he had been away, he would most definitely would have.

He looked like the type to seduce.

Sif had told Thor that he tried to best her in battle then to seduce her when he failed.

On both accounts, he’d been sent home without anything.

Of course he would have, he’d been dealing with Sif.

The mere thought of her had him smiling and Thor stretched, got to his feet and packed his bed away. He put the rug on the couch, put the pillow on the bed and rumpled the sheets a little bit without disturbing Loki.

He stopped, however, when Loki turned to face him, the shoulder of his too large tunic falling off his shoulder.

Thor’s throat tightened at the sight of that smooth, pale skin and an image of himself biting it came to mind. He imagined it, how Loki would gasp, how his head would tip back and he would arch that long, graceful neck…

Thor pulled away.

This wasn’t right!

His mind was conjuring up images he didn’t want to see. This was his brother’s widower, the man who’d survived him and Thor was not allowed to imagine what he was.

He wasn’t allowed to do anything.

And yet, he kissed him and embraced him. These days, Loki initiated it, sometimes.

It was bound to do this at some point in his life.

So Thor cursed himself, pulled the covers over Loki, then turned and left the room.

Sparring was definitely on the table now.

He needed it to be.

***

Sif danced around the clash of steel as she took the sword from Thor’s grip and tossed it aside. He had another, of course, she whipped around to face him and smiled. She held her own blade up to her nose, a perfect, undated horizon that led to her eyes, reflecting them in the polished blade of her sword.

Her smirk was lethal and when Thor struck, she blocked his blow easily, her sword shaking a little with effort, but it was unneeded.

It was a distraction.

For when Thor pushed further, she kicked his legs out from beneath him and dropped him to the ground where he landed with a surprised huff, his eyes wide.

The tip of her blade was at his chin the next moment and Sif was smiling down at him.

“Point”

There was a mild applause as those who had come to watch marveled over their greatest warrior. There were a few sullen men who watched, unamused, at the thought of a woman besting their lord.

Thor, was not one of them. He was happy and he let her pull him up and grinned brightly at her.

“My lady” he bowed to her “I am impressed”

Sif rolled her eyes “Of course you are”

But there was a smile on her lips and there was intensity in her eyes that hadn’t been there a moment ago.

“I am sure you can better yourself for me” Sif bent to pick up and hand him his sword “till then, I suggest you practice”

Thor just his jaw to the side as he grinned and watched her leave.

Aye, she was something else.

Sif opened the gate to the sparring ring and left, Thor tailed behind her, stopping to greet the few who came to tell him how good he was.

He didn’t need that, he knew he was good.

Sif was just better.

They left the ring and after Thor had his share of praise from the others, he jogged after her so they could walk side by side.

“The people are overly sweet” Thor told her “I feel like it will make me sick”

Sif snickered softly “They are just happy to have their leader back. I fear they think that Sir Balder will leave again so they make you feel comfortable”

“Do you not think it silly?” Thor asked “if I wish to leave, then their words will not make me stay”

Sif gave him a look and Thor rolled his eyes

“I said if, calm yourself, lady, I am not leaving this isle anytime soon”

They walked through an orchard and Thor plucked some apples from a branch, handing one to Sif. She took it with a thanks and they walked to a secluded part of the land to sit and enjoy them in the tall, sweet smelling grass.

Everything smelled sweet here, if Thor were honest. It was as though he was no longer on earth.

Sif took a crunchy bite out of her apple and looked at him.

“So, tell me” she turned to him “how does a bounty hunter find this little isle of heaven?”

“He finds it beautiful and slightly fantastic” Thor had his own apple “I have never seen a place like this on earth, it’s stunning”

“It is, isn’t it?” Sif asked “when I saw it for the first time, I thought it was a dream”

“Was that when Loki recruited you after he paid your bail?” Thor asked

“Aye” Sif nodded “then he recruited Fandral, don’t forget the order, it will get you into trouble”

“I won’t” Thor dismissed “I remember what you have told me, just tell me about your adventures on the sea, they sound incredible”

“Well…” Sif began to relax “I had a ship called Valkyrie…”

Thor smiled and leaned back, watching her as she spoke. She had such a grace about her as she spoke. Everything from her hair to her fascinating boots mesmerized him. He’d never seen a women like her, let alone one who could defeat him in a sparring match.

He listened to everything she said, taking it in raptly. Sif smiled as she told him about her battle with another horde of pirates, she made him laugh when she told him of the mishaps that had made her into a better pirate, she told him about how she had never thought that she would stay in this Isle or make a home of it but she had changed her mind.

“I cannot tell you why” Sif said “but I found something in this place that I couldn’t in any sea I have sailed.”

“Must be something grand” Thor wagered “to leave the adventure and freedom you had in the seas for six years”

“Aye, it truly was” Sif smirked.

They sat quietly afterwards, watching the grass waving in the soft breeze that came from the seas.

She looked at Thor every now and then, seeing how the colors he wore suited him. If she hadn’t known any better, she would have sworn it was truly Balder sitting with her.

Thor had changed completely before their eyes. He’d changed the way he walked, the way he spoke and even gained the regal air that made Balder who he was. He’d learnt the dance and once or twice, she’d seen him conversing with the public, too.

They all truly believed that their beloved leader was home.

Thor had done good.

They sat there in companionable silence for a bit longer before Sif snorted in laughter, making Thor look up.

He found the source of her mirth a moment later when he saw Sleipnir jogging over, holding a few strands of hay in his mouth.

“Stars above, I will never get used to your steed” Sif watched as Sleipnir bypassed her to go to Thor

“Nay, lady, he is no steed” Thor wrapped his arms around Sleipnir’s head as the animal nuzzled his shoulder “He is my best friend”

Sleipnir burred then let out a huff before he settled on the grass with his head in Thor’s lap, enjoying the scratches bestowed upon him.

He also lazily chewed on the hay and watched Sif with his brown eyes.

“I’ve never seen such a horse” she said ‘where did you find him?”

“A nobleman was selling him because he was ill” Thor told her “he was a foal, hungry and alone. I purchased him and spent weeks nursing him back to health. I rented stables for him, gave him food and medicine, there were nights that I spent sleeping in his stall with his head in my lap, running my fingers through his mane”

Sif’s gaze softened “As he enjoys now”

Sleipnir let out a neigh and smacked his tail happily

“Aye” Thor said “then he began eating and hasn’t stopped since”

He kissed Sleipnir’s cheek and the horse closed his eyes in contentment, laying there with his legs folded, completely calm.”

Thor kept his ministrations with Sleipnir going and looked to Sif again.

“Was Balder always strict?” Thor asked “I have seen people avoid looking at me”

“He had a reputation that I think he exaggerated for his benefit” Sif explained “people are quick to take advantage of a kind heart so he appeared unkind when he needed to. It kept order in the Isle for sure”

“Sounds like something he would do” Thor told her “he was always that way with me, too. He always stood there and made me make the bed”

Sif’s lips twitched “Did he truly? What else?”

“Well, whenever we wrestled or sparred, he would ensure that we knew what the rules were ten times before we actually started” Thor scuffed Sleipnir’s chin “it was so frightfully boring”

“But it taught everyone order here” Sif revealed “the scouts rarely made a mistake and his own men were strictly disciplined. So I fear you will have to uphold that”

“Aye” Thor said “Fandral has told me about that. He stood with me when I met them to make sure that I pretended well enough”

Sif grimaced “Aye, he isn’t fond of you”

“I don’t think he’s fond of anyone but Loki”

“He’s very protective” Sif said “there were days where Loki locked himself in his chambers after hearing of Balder’s death. No one would be able to walk him out of it save for Fandral. He would get him to eat, to sleep…it’s no wonder people spread rumors about them”

“I’ve heard those” Thor made a face “either people are terrible at keeping secrets here or they wish for me to know those rumors”

“I think it is the latter” Sif shook her head “they like stirring the drama on occasion”

Thor hummed and focused his attention on Sleipnir again, when the horse nipped at his glove.

Sif sat back against the tree and watched the skies and landscape once more. It was nice and calm, Sleipnir snored softly when he fell asleep against Thor. Thor let out a yawn, too, then snickered when his stomach rumbled.

“Is it time for the afternoon meal?”

“Nay but it is close, come, we shall raid the kitchens” Sif said

Thor pat Sleipnir’s cheek but the horse didn’t move, sleeping soundly as he was. So Thor slid out from under him, taking his cape off to roll it up into a pillow for him and let him sleep there.

Sif watched, fascinated by the care Thor showed him.

“Will you not miss the cape?” she asked

Thor shook his head “Nay, he’s trained to bring it to his stall when he wakes, I don’t worry”

He got to his feet and walked with her, going down their earlier path so they could get to the manor. They were halfway there when Sleipnir trotted after them, Thor’s cape in his teeth.

Sif rolled her eyes when Thor gave her a smug grin as he took it from him and let the animal accompany them back.

As they did, people watched Thor return, waving to him and giving him smiles. They had been more enthusiastic before but now that they were used to his presence, their greetings were lowered in intensity, which Thor didn’t particularly have a problem with.

But, Fandral had told him, now was the time that they would observe him, so he had to be careful. There was much that he needed to do to make them successfully believe that he was Balder, not Thor.

The feasting hall were filled with people, they could hear it as they walked down the halls. Sif was used to the loud, hungry warriors making a ruckus around them but Thor, who was used to eating alone, being alone, found it a little but overwhelming.

Apparently, Balder had not because he dined here often.

Loki always had his food in his rooms. Thor wondered if it was another of Balder’s traits that made him eat there or if he just preferred it that way.

They cheered for them as they walked in and raised their kegs to Thor when he passed them to go to his table. Fandral and the others were already there, waving their hands to Thor. He gave them smiles as he walked to the high table to sit with them, looking down at the bounteous food and the people he was to rule with Loki.

They were so happy to see him – nay, to see Balder.

Thor wondered what would happen if they ever knew the truth. That if they learned that their beloved leader was dead, an imposter in his place, what would they do?

Nothing good for him, definitely.

A keg of mead was placed before him and Thor made a face before he had some, starting on his meal with the others. Once they saw he was invested in it, they all began to chat and gave him the freedom to speak to Volstagg and Fandral.

“Does Loki not dine here?” he asked quietly

“He never did” Volstagg said “he always dined with his mother, then alone when she passed.”

“Aye, he’s in his study at the moment” Fandral said “it’s always been here. Balder – you – tried a few times to get him down here but he refused”

“And Balder never went to him?” Thor frowned

“No, he chose to have it here, with us” Volstagg took a bite from his bread “why, what are you thinking?”

“Well” Thor’s face was contemplative “a long lost husband returning from a battle should enjoy dining with his spouse, yes?”

“Do not do anything that will raise suspicion, Thor” Fandral hissed

“I am not”

Thor got to his feet and a few curious people watched.

“I am merely making a few changes”

“Sit back down” Fandral glared

But Thor didn’t listen and the people at the benches watched as he made his way out, surprised that he hadn’t had a bite to eat.

“Can you believe him?” Fandral asked Sif “he will damn this whole operation”

“Perhaps” Sif hid her smile behind her own cup

In her opinion, it was high time Loki had some company at his table.

***

Loki’s desk in his large study was actually a dining table for eight people. There were scrolls, books, papers and all sorts of things that he thought where useful to him.

There were scrolls on the floor, too, books stacked on the ledges of closed windows, pens and quills scattered about. It was a charming sort of chaos about this room and Thor smiled when he saw Loki sitting in the middle of it, under the table, bent over a scroll and a book, making notes in quick, efficient hand writing.

Thor cleared his throat and Loki looked up, blinking, startled out of his work.

He looked confused, as though forming a greeting was the farthest thing from his mind, so Thor obliged.

“I thought perhaps we could have lunch together”

Loki frowned “Lunch?”

“Aye” Thor gestured to the two platters in his hands “food, the midday meal.”

He walked in as Loki watched, then studied the table.

“I was hoping to have space to put it atop the table, but I guess that is impossible”

Loki blanched as Thor got to his knees to get under the table with him

“Hell’s teeth, no, no, let me…!” he moved to help

Thor shook his head “It’s no mind. I have always thought about how we could easily eat under the table, not over it”

Loki’s face was red in chagrin.

“Oh, please, Thor, this is no way to…”

“Hush” Thor smiled, sitting a little hunched over, “I am comfortable and I rather like this”

Loki was mortified, but with the platter in his hands and Thor just sitting there cross legged under the table, he had little choice.

“I’m sorry, I don’t feel comfortable seeing you this way” Loki said “let me clear up a spot, we can go to the feasting hall…”

“I am perfectly fine” Thor smiled “calm yourself, dear husband, there is space enough under the table. I wish to enjoy your company while I lunch. A duty I have been failing in for a long time”

Loki’s cheeks turned red and he looked at his platter, prodding at the food with his fork.

“You did not have to” he said “but thank you”

“You are more than welcome” Thor pointed to the two slabs of bricks under the feet of the table “What are those?”

Loki turned to see and smiled “Oh…it’s … strange, you will laugh”

“I love to laugh” Thor took a bite of his food

Loki sighed “I spent a lot of time on the floor under the table that Balder had the slabs put in to make the table higher, then commissioned a small throne so I was level to it”

Thor slowly grinned “Norns, I can imagine that”

Loki looked from him to the food again to hide the fact that his cheeks were once more prickling with heat.

“You are not at all like your brother” Loki stirred his stew about “He did this but he always let me eat here and respected my privacy”

“That’s noble of him” Thor smiled “not very nice but noble”

Loki frowned “What do you mean?”

“He had a duty to you, not the people in the feasting hall” Thor said “as your husband he should have made it a point to share your privacy, not leave you with it alone. I understand that sometimes, one longs to be alone when they are working but it should not become a habit, least of all one where it becomes something of a habit.”

“Well, he had the lands to overlook and…”

“As did you” Thor cut in gently “I am not trying to make him into a bad man, Loki, but there are and always have been things about Balder that even I disliked. I am just not afraid to say them out loud because even though they existed, I loved him, still.”

Loki frowned into his platter and had some food to keep from saying what he thought of this.

“I know you do not like when I talk this way” Thor continued “but the fact of the matter is that I have known him all my life. I know his faults and I know his qualities. I know that in finance and business were his forte but personal things and interactions with other people were not. That was why I was the one who dealt with those, with capturing, with getting more commissions and he was the one who handled the books”

Loki didn’t say anything and Thor placed a hand on his knee, making him look at him.

“It is alright” Thor said “I loved him. I miss him greatly. And it is alright to admit that despite being one of the best knights in the lands, he was lacking in some areas”

More than some, Loki wanted to say, but kept silent. He gave Thor a nod instead and Thor seemed content with that.

Loki was reluctant to open up.

Whatever information he’d given Thor about Balder seemed to be reserved, he was hesitant before telling him, as though he didn’t want to face some sort of judgement. Now, Thor realized that it was perhaps, a way for Loki to keep from realizing that the man he’d been married to for so long wasn’t a knight in shining armor.

Loki, in turn, noticed that Thor was quick to point out the flaws his brother had. He knew it was because Thor had been jealous, possibly, or thought he was beneath Balder. It was his way of coping, too.

Neither spoke about this to the other and focused on their meal instead.

“He liked to get me presents”

Thor looked up when Loki spoke

“Pardon?”

“Balder” Loki clarified “he got me books and presents whenever he went on missions or went to the city”

Thor’s lips twitched “You don’t say. He always got them for me, too. Though his travels were few since they were so expensive.”

Loki stared “Truly?”

“Aye” Thor reached up to pull a necklace from within his pocket.

It wasn’t much, just a small carved stone with a rune etched on it, looped into a piece of string.

“He got these for us” he said “one for him, one for myself. I kept it hidden from people, even myself, on occasion. They were ours, he said, to remind ourselves that we would be an indestructible force”

He expected a mild interest from Loki, but he saw his eyes widen and he snatched it from Thor’s hand, to look at it, his face pale.

His lips slowly parted as he stared at it and his expression grew horrified, as though he looked at a terrifying realization.

Thor frowned “Loki?”

Loki put his platter aside and crawled from under the table to stand, looking at the necklace again, like it would change in better lighting.

“Where…?” he whispered, then broke off

Thor went to him and Loki looked hurt, scared and lost.

“Loki, what’s wrong?”

Loki’s lips pressed together tightly and shook his head

“I have to go”

With the necklace in his hands, he strode to the door, opened it and all but ran out, leaving Thor staring at him, shocked.

He wanted to go after him, but he feared he would make things worse if he did. So Thor turned to pick up their food and went to the kitchens, trying his best to keep himself from being distracted by Loki.

But Loki’s expression of fear and shock etched itself into his mind and for most of the days, he found himself keeping a lookout for him. There was a need, an instinct inside to help him and Thor longed to hold him into his arms to embrace him.

He didn’t get that chance because there was no sign of Loki for most of the day and his friends seemed to worry, too. They were quiet as they sat in the feasting hall when Thor joined his table.

Thor studied them one by one.

“What happened?”

They looked at him and Fandral shook his head

“Nothing, it’s personal”

It was a clear lie but other than causing a scene and making this issue bigger than it was, Thor couldn’t do much. But he noticed that Sif, who was the chattiest and most friendly with him, was not looking at him. She wasn’t eating much either.

There was a glum, sad and tense environment around and Thor finished his meal as quickly as he could then rushed to Loki’s chambers, hoping he was there.

He truly wished that he hadn’t seen what he did a while later, because once he entered the rooms, he saw Loki sitting on the bed with his face in his hands.

There was defeat in the hunch of his back and soft sniffles told him that Loki had been crying.

Thor closed the door with a soft click and Loki tensed, wiped his face and tried to hide that he was upset. Not that it worked because he just seemed to get more troubled.

He seemed to look for words but lacked the ability to so Thor came to sit beside him and rubbed his back without saying a word. He did glance at Loki’s hands and frowned when he saw him holding both his necklace and Balder’s.

It fell into place then.

Sif’s silence, Loki’s tears, the two necklaces…

“He was having an affair” Loki whispered “with Sif”

Thor closed his eyes and grit his jaw. His arm slid around Loki’s shoulders and made Loki lean against him as he sat there, looking at the proof in his hands again.

“She had this necklace, she never told us where she found it, but she wore it, in full view” Loki croaked “it makes so much sense…”

Thor put his other arm around him “Loki, I am so sorry”

Loki extended the necklaces to him and Thor put them in his pocket.

A reality of Balder had come to light right there, for Loki to see.

There was little that could be said about the infidelity of a dead man. Thor just kept his arms around Loki and gave him what comfort he could.

“It makes sense” Loki said again “he never touched me. He never … he never initiated anything intimate. He found it odd…”

He sniffed and took the handkerchief Thor handed him.

“I don’t know what to do” Loki wiped his eyes “they betrayed me”

“You do nothing” Thor told him “you take your anger and grief and you move on. This is not your fault”

“What if it is?” Loki asked “it has to be because he found me lacking”

“Or” Thor said gently “because his desire did not run that way. I had never seen him with a man my entire life, Loki”

“So why did he wed me?” Loki looked at him “to gain my lands, just like all the other people that surround me, he used me”

There was anger behind Loki’s sadness and a realization that Balder had been no different than those who sought his lands. He had just been kinder about it.

“Then he was a fool” Thor said “and a disappointment”

“No, I was the fool” Loki told him “A stupid fool, who trusted people he brought here…”

His eyes watered once more

“I feel so betrayed”

“I know, Loki” Thor rubbed his arm “I am sorry”

He didn’t know if his words even had an impact on Loki but he had to say it, that at least someone was sorry that he was going through pain.

Loki didn’t reply. He set his head on Thor’s shoulder and closed his eyes as he looked at the necklaces in his hands.

Neither of them moved, Thor comforted him and Loki took the comfort from him, glaring at the necklaces in his hand.

***

Loki woke slowly the next morning, awash with regret.

He realized he was alone in the large bed he slept on, as he had been these past months. He would never be able to escape the overwhelming sense of sadness that yesterday brought to him. He also wondered if he has destroyed his own respect in Thor’s eyes by crying as he had yesterday.

He used to think he had a warm, loving, friendly relationship with his husband, which was destroyed in his eyes and in Thor’s. What he must think of him now? Unable to keep his own husband loyal? That was definitely a possibility. He’d been so desperate to have a good relationship with his husband that he’d not noticed his infidelity. So, Thor would think of him as stupid and blind, too.

Loki sat up and groaned, set his face into his hands and let out his despair.

God’s blood, he should have kept his mouth shut!

He felt unbelievably stupid.

Why did he reveal to Thor what happened!? There was no reason, no logic behind it. He didn’t have to know that information, he was already so hard on Balder, so eager to point out whatever he thought he did wrong.

He had made a mistake, telling Thor, he knew. But it was too late.

Rustling sounded from the other side of the bed and Loki looked to see Thor waking up, too. He saw him stretch and Loki immediately lay back down, pretending to be asleep when he realized it was earlier than he usually woke.

He gave Thor his back and stayed very still.

Thor sat up and looked to the bed, yawning. His eyes went over Loki’s sleek form and once more, those images came back to him.

And with that, guilt.

It was strange to know that his taste in women was much the same as Balder’s had been. Only, where Thor had thought about it, Balder had actually done it.

To Thor, it was strange – he’d always thought that he was the one more capable of deception, not his brother. But the more he learnt, the less he liked.

Balder seemed to be another man here, all loyalty, honesty and honor seemed to have vanished from him. It seeped away, like water from a leaky bucket and Thor didn’t understand why. Balder had been an honorable, good man.

He couldn’t fathom why he would turn to infidelity.

Thor sighed and ran a hand through his hair, looking away from Loki and getting up.

His back hurt from sleeping on that small tough little straw rush and he pushed it under Loki’s bed and stretched. He winced when he felt his back crack, then made his way into the bathing chambers to wash up and get started on the day.

His reflection in the mirror told him that he would have to shave soon. He didn’t like the wild look he was capable of owning when he refused to do that.

When he’d come here, his hair was rough and unruly, now it was soft, so much that Thor rather liked touching it.

He looked so different, too. He looked worthy.

Thor took some time before he was done, then walked out, going out of the door to head out and get himself something to eat.

Once the door closed, Loki turned and looked upon the empty room.

Hell’s teeth. He was relieved that Thor had left – he couldn’t face the embarrassment of seeing him at least for two days.

He waited till he was sure Thor wouldn’t return, then slipped out of bed. He stretched, rubbed the back of his neck and then got to his feet.

Embarrassed or not, he still had the day to get to.

He had supplies for his new laboratory ready and he was eager to get that started, at least. Today, he just had to locate a spot for it.

Loki got ready quickly enough, had his breakfast and all but rushed downstairs. Fandral was waiting for him and he lowered his gaze so he would not have to see the pity in his eyes when he walked over.

“Are the horses ready?” Loki asked, giving him no chance to speak

Fandral studied him for a moment, then nodded “Aye, they are”

Loki was relieved he didn’t wish to discuss what happened and was even more relieved when he saw that Sif was nowhere around.

He didn’t think he would be able to keep from saying something to her again – he’d said enough yesterday.

The soft, soothing smell of their soft grass made Loki smile. He walked out with Fandral by his side, his mind going over the possibilities of where he could build his new laboratory. He would be able to work on his potions again.

Possibly, make new ones.

Sigyn walked over when they were at the stables and smiled at Loki.

“Good morning, your lordship” she bowed “how do you fare this morning?”

“Very well, Prioress. Yourself?” Loki stopped and let Fandral get the horses

“Good enough, the Recluse was at the abbey today” Sigyn said “it dampened the spirits of a few younger members of the abbey but they will be revived soon enough”

“Oh dear” Loki winced “what was it this time?”

“Ah, her ramblings about an imposter in the lands and how dire fate will rest upon this realm” Sigyn said “nonsense, so far”

Loki didn’t let his tension show on his face but inwardly, he cursed the damn recluse. He knew many thought of her as a mad woman, but once or twice, Loki had seen her predictions come true.

He might be mad for believing her, but this ‘nonsense’ about an imposter was hitting closer to the truth than he thought possible.

“Aye, nonsense” he said “but you know her, she’s lost everyone she’s loved and this is her only home”

“Tis the only reason everyone respects her, I believe” Sigyn smiled “Are you on a round of the Isle? You have not done that in quite a bit”

“Nay, madam, we are looking for a new land for my laboratory to be constructed” Loki told her “will you join?”

“Ah, a wonderful endeavor but I must decline, I haven’t ridden a horse in years” Sigyn bowed “but good luck and may God be with you”

“Thank you, my lady”

Fandral had returned with the horses and Loki raised a brow as Svadilfari was followed by Thor’s large animal.

He was nipping on the ends of Svadilfari’s tail and Loki looked confused as his horse, a noble steed and the most impatient horse in his lands, let him.

“What…?”

“He wouldn’t let me take Svadilfari without him” Fandral explained as he got on his mare “come alone, that one could use exercise”

“Of course” Loki said

He gave Sleipnir a look as he hopped on Svadilfari and kept looking as he nudged his horse forward. Of course, the fat horse followed, happily joining them on the ride.

“He is the oddest horse I have ever seen” Fandral told Loki “he lets no one ride him”

“He’s … definitely odd” Loki said

He was able to keep up with them too, as they walked through a wooded area to where Loki had thought to make it laboratory.

They had a few high hills that held Helheimr on the other side.

There was a beautiful little haven full of grass and flowers, backed by the moss covered rocks that made up the hill. Loki stopped to look at it and imagined working in silence and serenity.

He slid off Svadilfari to go and have a closer look, stepping into the soft sweet grass.

This land was certainly big enough

Sleipnir had clearly approved of his place because he started to graze, looking at Svadilfari when he didn’t do the same.

Svadilfari stood dignified and collected, watching the landscape as Loki and Fandral admired this landscape.

“It’s far enough from everyone to keep them from disturbing you” Fandral noted

“Aye, and close enough to come to me for any emergency” Loki touched the moss on the side of that large hill “it’s beautiful”

“And you can grow your herbs here easily”

“I can” Loki smiled “I don’t think we need to look at any other place, this is enough”

“Then shall I order the materials to be brought here and the construction to begin?” Fandral inquired

“Yes” Loki smiled “that would be best”

He was eager already.

He didn’t want to leave this place, he would be happy here.

“As you wish” Fandral stepped to his horse

He saw Loki unwilling to leave and cleared his throat

“Would you like to enjoy this place in solitude?”

Loki looked to him, then nodded “I would, thank you”

Fandral was happy to leave him, he bowed and left, leaving Loki with Svadilfari and Sleipnir, who was munching on some grass and flowers. Loki gave them a look and then sat on the grass, running his hands over it.

It was so soft, small insects rose and jumped away from the disturbance and settled elsewhere. Loki stretched his legs and sat back on his hands, looking at the high, high point of the hill and closed his eyes.

This was tranquility.

He let his mind wander, going to the future, about how he would have this laboratory running. He would make all the recipes he’d collected in his journal, he could try them all. He’d been so excited the night his old workroom burnt down, he was so close to perfecting a potion that would help with memory loss.

He had been going there when the flames erupted and took everything he’d worked for away. He’d run to try and stop it but Balder had grabbed him and pulled him back.

The herbs inside burnt, there were a few cleaning chemicals that burst, too. Had he been close enough, the fumes would have definitely taken him. He had been so devastated that he hadn’t thought about it.

Balder had.

He’d later confessed that it was better for that place to burn than for him and this place to lose Loki.

And how naïve Loki had been…

Loki huffed, irritated with himself.

He was supposed to imagine his work place not relive a past tainted with Balder and Sif’s betrayal. It would only seek to destroy the good mood he’d built by coming here.

Logically, he knew that there was nothing he could do after what they’d done. Balder was dead and Sif – well, she had been remorseful enough and taken his anger well.

He hadn’t seen her since yesterday and he didn’t want to even now. Perhaps as time went by, he would be able to forgive her transgression.

Perhaps.

Loki huffed and sat back again, letting out an irritated noise as he made himself think of other things. Mostly, he thought of his time spent making potions. The thrill of discovery, the multiple defeats and the happiness he felt when someone approached him and told him his potion fixed their ailment.

He felt like he was doing something for the land that had done so much for him. It had given him a home, a family, a husband …

And the grounds upon which he was betrayed.

Loki hissed at himself and opened his eyes only to blink in surprise.

Sleipnir was standing in front of him, looking at him.

“What?” Loki asked

The horse didn’t reply, instead it flopped down in front of him and set its large head on Loki’s lap.

Loki stared at it, at a loss of what to do.

Sleipnir waited, his tail swishing behind him, looking at him with his big brown eyes.

“What do you want me to do?” Loki asked “Hm?”

Sleipnir let out a soft whinny

Loki flicked his ear and was rewarded with a nudge at his middle.

“Oh” Loki realized, slightly distrustful

He scratched the horse’s head and saw his eyes close in contentment.

Loki smiled despite himself

He sat there, scratching Sleipnir’s mane, letting the animal enjoy it. It was soothing to him, too. He then began to pluck flowers from around him and braid them into his thick mane.

“You are such a strange creature” he told him “I have never seen a horse like you in my entire life”

Sleipnir grunted, pawing at the grass as he lay there, but didn’t move his head.

“You look more like a pig than anything else” Loki told him, “look at you, is this any way for a noble steed to look like? Big bellied, lazy…?”

He nodded to Svadilfari

“Look at him and compare yourself” Loki said “do you think you could beat him in a race?”

Sleipnir neighed and rolled on his other side, making Loki lean back as he performed the magnificent feat.

He huffed and lay down, wanting Loki to scratch him once more.

Loki laughed at him “You really do belong to Thor”

He scratched him again

“You odd thing”

Sleipnir grunted again and enjoyed the scratches he got and Svadilfari neatly lowered himself to the ground and folded his legs under him.

“See that?” Loki poked Sleipnir’s head and pointed to Svadilfari “that’s a horse”

Sleipnir was unconcerned, he cared only about his scratching.

Loki obliged and they spent most of the afternoon there. For lunch, Loki took a few apples that he shared with the horses and decided to walk back, leading them both onwards. He was humming to himself, enjoying his leisurely stroll through his lands. Everything here was so well tended to, even the wilderness looked different than most. The grass was always Loki’s favorite it was soft and smooth, he loved walking barefoot in it.

As the trio walked on, they passed the recluse’s cottage and Loki almost groaned inwardly when she gestured for him to stop.

He had to and the horses moved a little ways off but stayed close.

“Your lordship!” she called, huffing over “I have been meaning to speak with you about those boys”

Ah, Loki knew them.

“They’re still bothering you?” he asked

“They never stop” she said “I have run them off multiple times”

“I will do what I can” Loki bowed “forgive me for being late”

“Aye, but you have your own problems” she said “what with the death of Lord Balder and all”

Loki went very still “I beg your pardon? Balder is alive”

“Nay, I fear you are mistaken” her voice was raspy and dire “an imposter walks in his form. That man who you’re living with, he isn’t your husband”

Loki’s heart began to race “I assure you, Lady, he - ”

“He will be the destruction of this land” she said “Balder himself told me”

Loki’s lips tightened “I understand that you are frustrated, but talking about my husband this way…”

“He walks these lands when you’re asleep” she took his hands “I saw him, he’s no longer in the land of the living, he’d dead, Loki, he’s gone”

Loki pulled his hand back, disturbed by her. He stepped back and she frowned.

“You don’t believe me” the Recluse whispered “you think I speak lies, I do not. I had known Lord Balder, and that man is not him”

Loki swallowed heavily “I will see what I can do about those boys”

His voice was firm and she looked defeated when he walked away, looking after him.

She was right.

She knew there was a charlatan acting like Lord Balder and he was in this very land.

***

The sight that waited for Loki when he entered his rooms later, was not one he expected to see. At all.

Thor as sitting with a book, the covers up over his legs and reading a book in which he was completely involved.

Loki raised a brow and walked in, clearing his throat.

Thor flinched and looked at him

“God’s teeth, you’ve finally returned” Thor held up his book “have you read this?”

Loki couldn’t help but smile just a little “Seeing as it is from my collection, I have, of course, read it”

“This is the most terrifying book I have ever read” Thor told him “Carolyn is playing ‘Hide and Clap’ with her daughter and she heard a clap but it’s not her daughter, I can sense it”

Loki snickered “You are correct”

He came over to nudge him

“Off to your own bed now” he said “I am tired and deserve rest”

Thor groaned but did as he asked, pulling out his rush bed and sat on it with his book once more.

“Have you had dinner?” Loki asked, fixing the bed “or have you been reading that all day?”

“I ate some fruit but no real dinner” Thor placed the book face down “It was not her daughter”

Loki laughed “Of course it wasn’t, now accompany me to the kitchens. I have a need to have something to eat”

“As you wish” Thor stood

Loki let him follow, hoping he wouldn’t talk about what happened yesterday and thankfully, Thor didn’t. They walked down the halls together, nodding to the odd staff member or guard they saw.

The kitchens were warm and secluded, which Loki was grateful for. The cold weather would be here soon and he knew some of the staff would probably sleep in here.

From experience, he knew that he would probably step on one or two of his own servants.

“We have some left over food” Loki told Thor “but we would have to heat them over the embers, which is usually enough”

“What is on the menu, then?” Thor rubbed his hands together a little “it’s so warm in here”

“It is” Loki said “it gets unbearable during the jousts even in this weather, however.”

“Oh, they’re close are they not?” Thor asked “Fandral told me about them”

“Aye, they happen every year” Loki said “it’s why they’ve started clearing out the plains by the ocean”

“True, what a view that would be” Thor wondered “the sky, the ocean, the splattering of blood of the fighting Knights”

Loki was getting them some stew for them “Splattering of blood? It is a joust, not a battle”

“Have you ever attended these jousts?” Thor asked “They’re shockingly bloody”

He saw Loki put a pot on the embers and began to heat up the stew.

“I’d rather make my potions in peace when everyone is attending” Loki said

“Ah, of course” Thor smiled “Balder attended, yes? He was rather fond of them. I remember him participating in many when we were younger”

“Did he truly?” Loki turned to him “He never did that here, he thought they were too violent for his tastes”

Thor snorted “He likely wanted to keep his dignity. He thought himself above them when we last saw each other but in reality, there was another more sinister reason behind it”

Loki frowned at him “What reason?”

Thor debated on telling him. If Loki didn’t know, that meant Balder had never told him.

But then again, Balder hadn’t told him a lot of other things, so Thor saw this fair.

“There is a particular Knight that Balder has never faced off against” Thor told him “His name is Sir Halvor. They faced off once years ago and he dismounted Balder thrice, winning the joust easily. Balder, who has never been dismounted, was stunned and though Halvor wishes to try again, Balder always declines. I do not know why”

“Pride?” Loki asked, though he did not believe that “I do not know. I cannot guess the mentality of Knights, I believe”

“Aye they’re very noble” Thor said “No one wants that”

Loki snorted “You’re so different from Balder”

“I know, it’s because we are both separate persons”

“Yes, I ….”

Loki turned to give him a dry look, but he was hiding a laugh.

“You’re incorrigible” Loki said instead

Thor smiled to himself and went to look for and bring to Loki, two bowls and spoons.

They chose to dine in the kitchen, since it was warm and Loki had access to all the bread he wanted. Thor had the stew with his spoon but Loki scooped some in his bread and brought it to his lips to have.

“You’re secretly a barbarian” Thor told him

Loki only beamed, giving him a disarming sort of smile.

“Aye, you’re proud, aren’t you?” Thor snickered, having a spoonful

“I most definitely am” Loki said

It was good to see him happy, Thor would never admit but seeing him heartbroken yesterday had affected him.

He rather liked the way Loki’s lips curved into a smile and how his eyes began to shine with mirth when that happened.

Once their meal was over, they went back to their chambers and Thor slid into the mattress again.

“Goodnight” Loki told him “Try not to let Bethsheba get you”

Thor, who was picking up the book again, halted “Who?”

Loki gave him an evil grin and slid into his bed while Thor watched, shaking his head as he once more, started to read his book.

***

Sif made an appearance a few days later but other than formally giving Loki the information he wished for, she said nothing.

Her eyes were filled with regret and sorrow. When Thor came upon her on his walk with Sleipnir, he thought he saw her wipe her eyes before she stood straighter and smiled at him.

“Good morning”

“More afternoon,” Thor smiled “are you well?”

They were along the edges of the Isle, so they could see the stunningly blue waters ahead of them. The wind hit with, bringing the scent of an ocean with it.

“I am, as can be” Sif rubbed her arm “I am sure you are here to give me an earful, too”

Thor let Sleipnir go and walked over to her, frowning under the bright sun

“Not really” he stopped by her “just realizing that Balder’s hurt more people with his death than I had known”

“You can say that again” Sif exhaled, looking at the waters “I had no intention of hurting Loki nor ever telling him. I will not justify my actions, I know what I have done”

“You do not have to explain yourself to me” Thor placated

“I do” Sif looked to him “I do not care much about the opinion of others but you have a good heart and have proved yourself to Loki and myself as a good friend”

Thor frowned “How? May I ask?”

Sif smiled “You carry yourself with an air of nonchalance but I know that deep inside you care. I see that you take your time from the day to help those who need helping, I’ve seen you lift heavy logs and bags for the widows or the nuns. I have also seen the fresh flowers you place in Loki’s chambers. He spoke to me about them and did so with a happy air.”

Thor shrugged “I am sure Balder did that, too”

“And you scared Byleistr off” Sif said “If I knew nothing else about you, that would be enough. That man has been a rogue and a tyrant not just to Loki, but to mother and his father before. None of them had the courage to stand in front of him and warn him off the family because his roads were so important to them. But you did”

“I just do not take kindly to people like him” Thor said “I have dealt with worse and with milder versions of him. I accept none of them and do what I can”

“And Loki raved about you” Sif said “not to you, of course, he’s … oddly shy around you”

“Probably because he can afford the distance between us” Thor told him “I think he planned this entire thing but didn’t keep in mind that we would have to spend time together”

Sif smirked a little “It’s possible. That and the fact that you give him the attention Balder didn’t. Don’t get me wrong, it’s greatly appreciated, the people love it”

She played with the sleeve of her tunic.

“They are all happy that their leader has returned”

“Not all of them” Thor winced then nodded behind her “That woman stares at me a lot when I am alone. And not in a flattering way.”

Sif turned to look over her shoulder and found The Recluse staring at her.

“Ah, she isn’t fond of anyone” she told him “she does love stirring up drama, however.”

“How so?” Thor asked

“Well” Sif started to walk, making Thor join her “she considers herself to be something of a psychic and likes to make predictions. I think she is more inclined towards saying things that she wants after hiding them in the guise of predictions”

“You do not like her” Thor smiled “What did she say about you?”

Sif looked at him and narrowed her eyes “That I will be stoned because I wear trousers”

“Oh my” Thor grimaced “No wonder you dislike her. If she said that about me, I would wear skirts and shock everyone, then likely get stoned”

Sif laughed, shaking her head as they walked onwards.

Sleipnir saw their departure and followed, clomping around after them.

The Recluse shook her head and went back, hobbling through the trees, back to her home.

She knew she was right. That man was not their leader. He was an imposter, pretending to be Balder the Brave. She had to tell someone, someone who was going to do something about it. He was going to bring death upon them if she didn’t. It was seen in her dreams, a fire, a blaze from hell itself, thrown upon them for the sin they were committing.

With the thought of the preservation of their Isle in her head, The Recluse made her way back, planning on telling the Knights who would attend the joust that their beloved Balder had been replaced by a stranger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lost internet for DAYS. This is an over baked chapter for all you beautiful people
> 
> (Now, I shall get to your comments)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The jousting begins

“The valiant Knight and the renowned enemy with drawn swords uplifted, ready to deliver two such furious slashing blows that if they had fallen full and fair they would at least have split and cleft them asunder from top to toe and laid them open like a pomegranate…”

Loki made a face and put down the pomegranate he was about to eat.

Beside him, Thor, as Sir Balder, laughed. He looked upon the merriment, wondering how different this was when he was not a participant.

The jousting was commencing a few days hence and people from far and wide had arrived to take part in it. Thor was truly mesmerized by the ships and the horses, carriages, the men and women who came to joust.

From the last two weeks, Thor had seen guest upon guest arrive at Seidr. They came through ship and through land, phaetons, carriages, ships, mounts and soon enough the huge areas that had been drowned in high grass was filled with tents.

The horses were free to graze in another part of the plains, some rested in stables. People opened their homes to women and children. There was bounteous food, coming in from the neighboring lands as a token of goodwill.

Those who wanted to attend, came as sponsors and Loki was more than happy to house them. Some were staying in the halls of the manor, some had rooms. Thor noticed that Loki was very careful about who he let into the manor and he’d seen that there were more women guests than men. Ladies of nobles and lords were not to sleep on rush beds in the halls.

Thor had never seen this side of jousting.

Loki ordered everyone with the air of a military commander. His voice was firm, his orders were clear. He had told them that the knights were to remain away from the manor at all times. Those who were renowned would be allowed to sleep in the halls, no further. There were guards stationed at every corner, people were taken on as staff, promised to be paid once this was over.

The kitchens in the manor were extended by putting tents out beside it.

There were spits and roasts constructed in the plains, too.

The knights would have to feast on whatever they chose to hunt.

If they didn’t, then the various stalls and shops that had been set up around would have to suffice.

Sellers and traders came from all points in the land.

To some, this would be the highlight of their sales

Loki’s own people were no exception.

Prioress Sigyn, for example, had the nuns make woolen clothing all last year, especially for children. They were given a prime spot in the stalls, selling their wares to those who needed them. They had many, many items for sale. They also made handmade crafts like toys and decorations that they sold to the travelers as souvenirs.

Next to theirs was a line of stalls held by the widows of Seidr, selling their food, handicrafts, clothing, anything that could be desired.

There were also stalls for medicine and medicinal herbs for there would surely be people who would need them. There were larger tents that were filled with games, palm reading, future seeing.

For lovers, there were retreats and romantic rides through the sweet smelling meadow that Loki had in his lands.

And every night, there was a feast, the large halls that led into an open veranda behind the manor and into the extensive grounds, were filled with people.

At night, there was merriment, music, dancing and people who attended fully joined themselves.

It was the time that the peasantry was allowed to the manor, too. They were given the many, many benches that were set in the grounds. A fire burned in the middle keeping the people outside warm, food was given to anyone and everyone there.

And then, the stories.

The never ending stories that came from knights who were allowed to attend.

They were listening to one now, about a legendary knight who would be the stuff of legend, his story written in books.

Loki didn’t think so.

He rather thought that every knight believed that he would be the stuff of legend. There were ballads who would sing praises for the knights for enough coin and prompt those around to burst in cheers and praises. It all ended when the ballad went to another, then another.

They listened to the knight who was spinning the tales of his own victory. It was entertaining, if a little violent, but it was clear that Loki wanted to retire.

Thor didn’t blame him.

The past two weeks had been hectic.

He had gone from one part of the isle to the other, taking care of one thing after another. Every little emergency that Thor couldn’t even think of, Loki handled. He asked him if he could help and Loki hesitated.

Thor knew nothing of how things were done here, but when pressed, Loki suggested that he order the food for the feasts they would have and come up with a menu.

Such a domestic task left Thor lost for the few moments Fandral hadn’t arrived to tell him what they usually asked the people to cook.

The manor wasn’t the only place that cooked for the knights.

The isle was large enough that every home prepared one of three meals that Loki had approved of. They were easy to make and delicious once enough ale had been ingested.

For drunk men cared naught for the taste of food. Drunk knights even less.

Some of them found this to be the only place that gave them good hospitality and care. He knew that even the royal tournaments let the majority of their attendees to fend for themselves. Only the most favored and famous Knights were allowed beds in the palace. The others were limited to the grounds or welcome to camp outside the palace walls, stay at inns or generally stay away until it was time for them to joust.

Here, there was food and rest aplenty, Loki had already heard more than one knight exclaim about how good the treatment here was even for those who were at the plains.

They had truly been impressed by the stalls set up for them, where everything was available at a moment’s notice.

Some of them had brought Loki gifts.

These were the Knights who had attended previous jousts and were happy to show him their appreciation for letting them compete.

Some brought gold figurines, others brought cases of imported mead – Loki kept those for himself. He predicted he would need hard liquor every now and then in this year.

Others brought silk and cloth that Loki intended to give to the nuns.

One of them came forth in the middle of dancing with beautiful bracelets that Loki thanked him for. He made a face at them once he left.

Thor had snickered at that.

Loki had been less tired then, now he looked like he could fall over any second.

As the knight went about on his story, Thor gently touched his arm, startling him a little to look at him

“Apologies” Thor said in a low tone “but if you wish to retire, it would be understandable. You’ve attended enough feasts so award yourself a quiet night”

Loki looked at little surprised.

Usually, he was expected to attend till Balder left. But as he looked at him, Loki saw Thor, not Balder.

“Of course” he smiled, getting to his feet “you will stay?”

“It’s entertaining, and I think one of them is about to fall down drunk soon” Thor took his hand and kissed it “sleep well, dear”

Loki was surprised, but knew he kissed his hand because there were people watching. He nodded to him, turned to go, but couldn’t help run his fingers over the spot Thor had kissed the entire way back.

His rooms were chilly and Loki went to light a fire for himself. Winter was upon them and made the nights colder than before. He was going to shut the windows but stopped, seeing the tents and fires lit around in his realm.

He was at the high point of the manor and he could see all over his lands. Far as the eye could see, Loki saw life.

He heard it too.

It was a chaotic, mixed together bundle of sounds that thrived with energy. He heard music, songs, cheering, talking, a jumble of noise that made his heart soar.

He did this.

This was because of his work, his effort spent looking after his lands. This was the result of the weeks and months spent in studying about horticulture, politics, delegation, finances, business…

He’d hated all those with a passion, save for horticulture, but studied them when it became clear that neither his father nor brother were interested in this place.

He’d known from an early age that this would be his duty.

Had he not been baere, he would most definitely would have solitary control over this. But, as it was, he was endangered from birth. People in his lands were, too. They needed the name and the protection that had come with a Knight like Balder and even that Loki had taken care of.

At this moment, he was happy again.

Loki left the window open so he could hear the sounds from outside and went to change so he could sleep. He pulled the covers of his bedding back and frowned when he saw a folded piece of scroll on his pillow.

Slightly alarmed, Loki picked it up, opened to read and almost groaned out loud.

‘_Needed the rush under your bed_’ Fandral had written ‘_so either the oaf sleeps on the bed or freezes to death on the cold floor. Cheers_’

Even his signature looked teasing. Loki saw an extra blanket and a fur on the bed for him, put the note aside and got under the covers.

Thor would likely return late. He seemed interested in what was happening, much like Balder did. The few times Loki managed to get out from the feasts early, Balder would have returned in the early morning hours, he slept till the afternoon and woke to vanish to the knights again.

Loki tended to the other things.

He tried not to be sour as he lay his head on the pillow, but he was hardly given a chance, since his exhaustion took over and he fell asleep within minutes of his head hitting the pillow.

***

Loki, unsurprisingly, woke alone.

It was still chilly when he did, so he hissed, got out of bed to close the windows and stoke the fire.

But the moment he turned to the hearth, Loki stared in shock on the floor.

Thor was sleeping on the floor before the dying embers, curled up and snoring softly.

“God’s teeth, you oaf!”

Loki went to shake him and Thor jumped up, startled awake

“What!?”

“Are you mad?” Loki frowned “Why are you sleeping on the floor?”

Still a little out of it, Thor shook his head.

“Someone took my bed” he croaked

Loki nearly smacked himself.

“Idiot, you are an idiot, get into bed”

Thor, confused but eager to get off the floor, groaned as he stood. His back and joints hurt. He tried not to hate himself too much but it proved challenging especially when every knob in his spine protested.

“Sleipnir is smarter than you, I hope you know” Loki told him

“I didn’t want to disturb you” Thor huffed as he was shoved to the bed.

“Fandral took your rush” Loki pulled the covers over him “you were supposed to sleep on the bed”

Thor groaned and pulled a pillow over his head as he sunk into the blessedly soft mattress.

“No more yelling, please”

Loki gave himan offended look

“I am not yelling”

“Feels like it” Thor’s muffled voice told him “let me sleep now and I will let you do this later”

Loki rolled his eyes exaggeratedly.

“Fine, sleep”

He shook his head, stoked the embers and returned to his side of the bed. It was still early and Loki could use a few more hours of sleep.

But he hadn’t had anyone in his bed for so long. He stood debating for a while, but once Thor snored, Loki sighed.

He sat on the bed carefully, as though expecting something to get him. As though expecting the room to say something.

There was a stranger in his bed.

Loki didn’t know how he felt about that, considering he was the one who put him there.

Loki looked at him again – it was so odd.

It was strange and familiar at the same time. He felt wary and comforted by the snores.

But Thor had proved to him that he was a good man. He would never hurt Loki, rather he would protect him.

It made him smile a little, thinking that he’d chosen to sleep on the stone cold floor rather than to impose upon Loki.

Shaking his head, Loki lay down once more, pulled the covers over himself and shut his eyes to sleep again.

And this time it was so deep that Loki didn’t even feel Thor slip out of bed a few hours later nor did he feel the soft hand Thor ran over his head before he left to start his day.

He did, however, feel Vali’s insistent shaking after that.

“Wake up” Vali said “Sir, breakfast is on the table”

Loki let out a mighty groan and Vali stepped back, letting him sit up before he left to tell the staff to prepare a bath for Loki.

It didn’t take him long to walk out of his rooms, but he halted when he saw Thor sitting on the balcony where he usually had his morning meal.

Thor smiled at him “Morning, dear”

Loki watched as he came over to kiss him on the lips, his cheeks turning pink.

“Everyone is asleep and drunk in the feasting halls, the lounge, the lobby and even in the halls outside our rooms. I thought it best to stay in till they awaken.

“Ah” Loki said “Of course, wise thinking”

Thor winked at him and went to pull out his chair for him. He’d been having a nice keg of soup.

Loki frowned at it “Balder, what are you having?”

Thor was taken aback for a moment, but caught himself easily.

“Tis breakfast bone broth” Thor picked it up to show it to him “one of the visiting women told our chefs about it the other the day and they decided to make it. It surprisingly good.”

He sat down and held up the keg for Loki.

Loki took it in both hands with a nod of thanks and took a sip.

Immediately, flavor burst on his tongue and he hummed in approval.

Thor looked to the servants and nodded for them to get one for Loki, too.

“This is so good” Loki breathed

“It is” Thor smiled “and a great way to use the bones. My mother used to make it when I was young, but halted once she got ill”

Loki’s face turned a little sad.

“I’m sorry”

Thor shrugged “It has been a long time, aye?”

“But still no less painful” Loki slid the keg back “I know how you feel”

“I don’t think I can ever imagine how you feel” Thor said quietly.

There was no staff there, no one to listen to them.

“What pain you must carry every day of your life” Thor’s eyes were sincere “and to have no liberty to share in your latest grief. I wish I could ease your pain, Loki”

Loki’s eyes were shining a little, but he smiled, ever so lightly.

“Thank you” he replied

Thor wanted to embrace him – he always seemed to want to do that. But he knew Loki wouldn’t welcome it at this time.

Instead, he turned to look at the foggy, waking world.

“There has to be something mystical about your lands” Thor told him “the fog and mist makes your lands look stunning. I was watching it earlier, when it was thicker, you could hardly see the tops of the trees”

“Aye, it is why we urge people to stay inside either their tents or their homes” Loki told him “and to not sleep on cold floors”

His direct look at Thor prompted a smile at Thor’s lips.

“I have no idea what you mean, dearest”

Once more, Loki rolled his eyes but sat back when his own broth was brought over.

“If I get addicted to this you will be responsible”

Thor smiled “You know the bones in it are so soft that you bite and they break like bread. The marrow inside is heaven”

Loki found that to be true.

He finished two kegs of it before he finished his porridge and left Thor very, very impressed.

“Are you sure you didn’t eat some of the cutlery with that?” he joked

Loki gave him a dry look “You are supposed to be charming, remember?”

“And you are to be a sweet little rose, unable to speak above a the gentle hum of a whisper nor eat more than the food that fits in the palm of your hand”

Loki’s disgusted face after that made Thor burst out in laughter.

“People in London are strange” Loki told him

“Aye, that they are” Thor confirmed “I never did like living in the city. I always preferred the open countryside”

“I can see that” Loki told him “you love staying in the open. It’s a nice change, I will say”

Thor smiled at him “What do your plans include now?”

“For the moment, nothing” Loki said “the last of the knights will arrive today and tomorrow the jousts will begin. Usually, you will handle the opening ceremony and Fandral will draft up a fancy little speech but other than that, sitting and watching the violence will be the order of the day”

Thor smirked “What about those who do not attend the violence?”

Loki turned to him, “Pardon?”

“Some women and children prefer not to see the jousts” Thor put his napkin aside “what entertainment is there for them?”

Loki seemed confused for a moment “None, actually”

Thor winced “Doesn’t seem a little unfair, aye? What if you host a carnival for them? I am sure the people who do such things would love it and we have space aplenty”

“A carnival” Loki repeated “that is not a bad idea”

“Of course not” Thor smiled “I came up with it”

Loki had to sigh at him

“Alright, how about you be in charge of having a carnival erected?” Loki asked “I will see if it is worthy or not”

Thor beamed “I will do my best”

He stood, placed a kiss upon his cheek and departed, leaving Loki blushing. He touched the pendant at his neck.

This had been a gift from Balder, to signify their unwavering loyalty to one another. Loki had worn it since the beginning of their marriage.

He kept it from others, a promise only to himself.

He wondered if it was still worth wearing or that its meaning was lost with what he’d learnt.

He’d never been dramatic sort but the image of himself throwing this pendant into the seas was a rather satisfying one.

He felt anger, still, at what he’d learnt. It was lingering because he could do nothing about it. He’d taken his anger out on Sif, he’d lost respect for Balder, what else was left?

Loki felt cheated. He was no longer allowed to be angry. Even that was taken from him

He was angry that they lied to him, angry that he believed that they were caring for him.

And they might have, in the way they coddled him as though he was a babe. Perhaps to them it was true. He was eighteen when Balder married him, twenty two when he lost their child and that was when Balder saw him as fragile, delicate.

He hadn’t touched him after that, perhaps once or twice when they had their anniversary.

He’d thought that it was because of the miscarriage.

It was Sif. He was spending nights in her bed.

Loki exhaled, shook his head and stood, letting the staff clean up. He hadn’t much to do most of the day, so he spent it organizing his closet. It was something he’d delayed for a long time.

The window was open once more, the drapes pulled back. Loki saw his riding gear. He bit his lip and smiled.

Seemed like he was about to get his dramatic moment, after all.

The seas looked tempting enough and Loki was quick to dress and depart, taking Svadilfari with him on a ride through the isle. People saw him and waved, called out greetings and he, for once, ignored them.

His heart was racing within his chest, matched with Svadilfari’s hoofbeats.

The landscape began to turn into a blur as the horse picked up speed and soon, Loki was galloping through the paths he’d taken so many times, to go to the shore.

There was no one there. Svadilfari panted, catching his breath and Loki dismounted.

These parts of the isle were farther off than those that were more popular. Here, there was a sense of solitude. Men and women came here to either get away from their hectic life or to look for a place to swim in when the weather was hot enough. Right now, it was cold and the waves brought freezing winds for him.

The fog was light but still present so as Loki walked forward, he rubbed his arms a little.

The waves were crashing loudly and Loki walked over to an outcropping of rock, gaining his footing on the slippery surface.

He climbed over it, got on the edge and looked at the waters underneath.

They were grey, spraying him and making him shiver.

His hands were already cold.

Loki dug into his collar, tugged the pendant off and looked at it.

Years of memories were inside it, looking at it, Loki could see Balder putting it around his neck. He could still feel the affection that had come with it.

It vanished when he imagined him doing the same to Sif.

Loki’s hand clenched around the pendant. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Then he pulled back and threw it into the waters, watching as it flew into the air, shining with the light of the dim sun.

He watched as it crashed into the waters, lost to him forever.

Loki didn’t realize he had tears in his eyes till he blinked. They slid down his cheeks, chilling his skin.

He closed his eyes again, exhaled, turned and climbed back down.

He trudged through the scattered patches of grass and the debris of seaweed and kelp that had been brought to shore.

Svadilfari was waiting for him.

He swished his tail behind him and nuzzled his chest when Loki walked over.

“Don’t worry, I won’t throw you away” Loki kissed his forehead “Let’s go home? Slowly”

Loki moved to get on him, but stopped when he saw Sleipnir behind him.

“What are you doing here?”

Sleipnir burred and came to nudge Loki, who smiled a little.

“Come on” Loki said “let’s get you home, too”

He felt better. He felt relieved.

He didn’t know when he would get how stupid he’d been behind him but he would start working on it. Balder had been making a fool of him long enough, Loki wouldn’t do the same to himself.

He would no longer pine after a man who clearly hadn’t thought much for him beyond the love of a pet, he guessed.

Loki took a ride along the shore instead of going back through the isle. It was nice and secluded.

He rather liked it, even though he loved the people of his isle.

Sleipnir walked alongside him, occasionally nosing at a kelp or nibbling on some grass he ripped from the earth.

Svadilfari kept giving him glances but didn’t do much else as he took Loki back.

His decision to choose the shore had been a good one – until he saw Lord Fjolvar walking his flouncy self on the beach, reading. He hadn’t looked at Loki for now and Loki wondered if he could quietly slip away.

Or, unleash Sleipnir upon him to make his escape.

He was, unfortunately, still thinking about it when Fjolvar looked up.

He had bright red hair and sparkling blue eyes, which filled with delight when he saw him. He snapped his book shut.

“Lord Loki!”

Loki let himself groan out softly, but to him, it was all smiles and welcome.

“Sir Fjolvar” he moved Svadilfari over “how fare you?”

“Very well, thank you for asking” he said “this is a bit of a chance, isn’t it? And are you walking two horses?”

“Aye, the second is my husband’s pet” Loki told him “he clearly needs the walk, as you can see”

“’I have never seen the like” Fjolvar came over “and since you are heading out, I shall accompany you.”

Loki made to tell him that Sleipnir was not one to be ridden but stayed silent. He was a little curious about how this would unfold.

“Have you heard?” Fjolvar asked “Lord Halvor is here. He arrived not ten minutes ago and everyone is in a chaotic excitement. Perhaps they will see his face”

“Perhaps” Loki watched him hold on to Sleipnir’s mane to pull himself up “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, he doesn’t like it”

“He’s a horse, he doesn’t….”

Fjolvar let out a screech of pain when Sleipnir turned and sunk his teeth painfully into his rear.

“Stars be damned!”

Fjolvar lost his footing and fell into the sand, writhing in it in pain, holding his abused bottom.

Loki sighed.

He slid off Svadilfari and went over to look at him. Fjolvar was cursing and hissing in pain, rubbing his bottom over and over.

“He’s crippled me!”

“I highly doubt it” Loki crouched beside him “Do calm down, it’s not bleeding, you’re going tobe alright”

Fjolvar sobbed.

Loki shook his head and rolled his eyes at Sleipnir, who was so happy with himself. He was circling around Svadilfari, who stood stoic and alert.

“Come on” Loki pulled at Fjolvar “let’s get you to the medics”

Fjolvar was whining and leaned against Loki as though mortally wounded. He had tears running down his cheeks, all his grace and poise lost as he allowed Loki to drape him over Svadilfari’s back like a sack.

Loki got on and took another deep breath, taking him along as he made the ride back to the manor, with his whimpering, crying burden.

Sleipnir, of course, trotted along behind, extremely happy with himself.

***

There was news of Sir Halvor everywhere.

Apparently, his presence here was rather a remarkable event. Thor was supposed to know this but remain stoic, which was easy considering he didn’t consider him to be the awe inspiring being of legend that others clearly thought he was.

He listened to the whispers that came from all around as they had their feast again.

Tomorrow, the jousting would begin, since the last of their guests had arrived. He heard that there were many who had tried to best Sir Halvor and fallen from their horse within minutes.

He also heard that he never took his armor off in public, never made a public appearance and never spoke. He had his people to speak for him, but other than that, he was a mystery.

Thor wagered it was to increase the aura of mystique around himself and carve a place in legend for himself, but he could be wrong.

The man could just be unfortunately deformed.

But he did enjoy the tales he heard.

So far, his favorite one was that Sir Halvor was no Sir at all, in fact he was just a piece of walking armor, possessed by a spirit of a Knight long dead.

He told that to Loki as they had their feast and Loki laughed.

“That one is a rather wild tale” Loki smiled “but clearly untrue. Spirits only haunt people.”

His eyes sparkled in mirth and Thor couldn’t help but smile, either.

“Well, you have clearly better sense than anyone else here” Thor told him

“Of course” Loki had a sip of his wine “I thought that was obvious”

Thor smiled a little more genuinely too. Not that he wasn’t happy, there was just so much socializing to do that he felt tired.

“And since you’ve told me that story, I have one for you that will make you laugh” Loki turned to him

“Oh, do tell me” Thor gave him his full attention

There was music and dancing all around them again, since tomorrow was the commencement of the jousting, everyone was excited. Knights were eager to test their mettle, squires boasted about the wins and trophies of their knights. Ballads sang praises and drafted verses if prose and poetry, selling them to those who would announce their fighting Knights.

There were already praises sung by the few who heard the versus and heated arguments when some began to sound alike. Art theft was shouted more than once across the halls and Fandral sent in his scouts to tell those who were arguing to either calm down or leave.

Loki did not tolerate misbehavior at his feasts.

His rule was to have etiquette or leave.

In the end, Fandral did have to escort three men out and Loki was free to speak to Thor again

“Fjolvar tried to ride Sleipnir”

Thor groaned heavily “Oh no….”

“Aye, and now he’s unable to sit because Sleipnir took a bite out of his rear” Loki snickered

“No…” Thor laughed, looking to where Fjolvar was standing, talking to a maiden “Oh stars, I love that stupid fat horse”

“He started crying” Loki pat Thor’s arm to make him look back “I had to drape him over Svadilfari to bring him here and get his swollen bottom checked”

Thor snorted, shaking his head as he laughed. His cheeks already hurt from the grin on his face.

“Oh, I would have paid to see that” he grinned “I hope the healers tell everyone.”

“I am sure they will” Loki replied “that bit of gossip is juicy”

“Like Fjolvar’s arse, no doubt”

Loki almost blew his drink out his nose, but managed to lower his face into his napkin as he laughed. His shoulders shook and he swallowed his drink, then looked at him.

“Damn you!”

Thor was clearly proud of himself, watching Loki compose himself. He looked lovely tonight, the deep blue tunic and the black trousers he wore accentuated his beauty tonight. Thor had seen more than one man eye him up tonight and felt a sense of protectiveness surge within him.

Loki turned to him and shook his head

“You are supposed to be charming” he took another sip of his drink “many people come just to ogle at you”

“Oh, really?” Thor raised a brow “is that why you are keen to get drunk? This is your fifth drink”

Loki shrugged “I think with all the weeks long strain of planning this, I should be allowed to indulge tonight. Tomorrow I will have to do more, then the day after, then the day after…”

Thor laughed softly “I see. You will need a bigger keg for that”

“Possibly”

They sat back and watched the merriment take place and Loki started to relax. His earlier adventure at the beach had seemed to have worked, but it brought guilt to him, too.

Balder had gotten him that pendant. That was his dead husband’s gift. And he’d thrown it into the waters like it was worth nothing.

Granted, Balder had been having an affair, and yet…

Loki touched his bare neck.

He missed it.

He missed the weight of a possession that had been his and he bit his lip.

He shouldn’t feel guilty.

Loki picked up another drink, then another.

Thor watched Loki, but said not a word, insisting, instead, to stay beside him. But the drinks were working, if Loki intended that.

He became brighter and chipper with every passed keg and was even clapping and singing along with the dancers a while later. His cheeks were flushed a bright pink, his eyes shining with mirth. He leaned forward in his chair, encouraging a few of the shy people around to start doing the same.

Loki was the model of decorum. If he did this, they were free to, as well.

The music became more and more irresistible to him, Loki was grinning as he turned to Thor.

“Dance with me”

Thor blinked at him in surprise and parted his lips to suggest that perhaps Loki should retire. But he was given no chance when Loki grabbed his arm and hauled him out of his seat with surprising strength.

“Uh, my dear” Thor said “don’t you think you should lay down?”

Whatever Loki replied, was drowned by the cheers and howls of people as they watched them both come over to join into the dancing and merriment. The music turned faster and Loki turned in Thor’s arms, smiling at him.

Thor was disarmed by that smile, letting Loki take his hand and another dancer take his other as they formed a circle, two more joined a little ways off and they started to take the steps that Thor had practiced with Fandral.

Speaking of, he saw the man in a corner, chatting up a young man, who was blushing and red in the face, but clearly enjoying his attention.

Sif was nowhere to be seen.

So Thor was on his own, moving around in the dance, kicking his feet and spinning when required.

There were people from all walks of life. Thor saw more than one shining emblem in his circle of people and as he turned to another dancer so spin them around before returning to Loki, he saw Fjolvar join in their circle.

Thor’s gaze narrowed as the cheering got louder and the music became merrier.

They ended up forming lines and repeating the steps with each other, everyone laughing and having a good time, especially Loki.

His face was brightly blushed, his hair askew and he was jumping and tiptoeing with the others in a way so open Thor hadn’t seen it before. He looked to Thor and his green eyes softened, his smile became brighter.

As they twirled and danced, Loki returned into his arms and they swapped spots. Loki’s hands lingered over his before he jumped back and continued the choreography.

For someone so drunk, Loki was damn graceful.

Thor couldn’t look away from him.

He was like magic runs circled upon a floor with an experienced set of hands. His hair flowed in the air, his eyes glittered with joy and his laughter has Thor mesmerized.

He was beautiful.

The dance came to a halt, the music stopped and there was applause and cheers from everyone, including Thor, who hadn’t taken his eyes from Loki.

Loki was clapping for the musicians, then turned to speak to a few of the other dancers. They all seemed to be happy with him and Loki finished his conversation to walk over to Thor.

“You’re such a good dancer” Loki twined his fingers with Thor’s and leaned over a little

“Thank you” Thor smiled “and you’re very drunk”

“Perhaps” Loki beamed “But I don’t care about my pendant”

Thor frowned and looked on his neck, seeing nothing there.

“What pendant?”

“The one Balder gave me” Loki swayed a little.

Thor winced and looked around to see if anyone heard that, but since they all looked otherwise preoccupied, he relaxed a little.

“I think it is time we retire” Thor put an arm around him “before you get sick all over the floor”

Loki whined a little in protest but he went with him, nonetheless.

However, for Loki, the rooms were spinning and he groaned a little as he stumbled.

“Alright, then”

Thor bent, scooped him into his arms, which Loki found funny, then carried him back. He hadn’t wanted to, but Loki would have fallen face down on the floor and Thor didn’t want that at all.

He felt Loki’s arms snake about his neck and hold on, saw the adoring looks people gave as they went to the exit of the feasting halls.

In the halls, Hiemdall raised a brow at them but Thor only smiled and carried Loki all the way back, up the stairs and to his room.

“Wait!”

Thor startled to a stop when Loki said, more lucid than he had been a moment before.

“Don’t take me to the room yet, turn right, I want to go to the roof” Loki told him

Thor looked, confused, upon his flushed, earnest face

“The roof?”

“Yes, the tower, please?” Loki set his head on Thor’s shoulder “I don’t want to be in that room so soon”

His grip and his body tensed in Thor’s arms, as though preparing himself to have Thor deny him. Thor wondered if Balder had denied him and whether Loki kept silent about it.

He let out a soft chuckle.

“Alright, onward, then”

He turned right and Loki’s body relaxed. He even moved his feet a little bit as Thor went where Loki guided him to.

The halls were cold here since no one lit the sconces, but Thor barely let it show. He climbed the dark stairs, holding the bundle he had to carry in his arms as he went up to the tower.

Once they were at the top, however, Loki got to his own feet and opened the door, swaying a little even now.

The chilly wind that hit them made both of them shiver, but Loki seemed happier than he had been downstairs. He smiled and walked to the stone roof ahead of them, his arms spread.

Thor smiled as he looked at him, watching with his head tilted to the side.

Loki let out a loud sigh the air misting before his lips, then turned to smile at Thor.

“You know, if you lay on your back here, you can see every star in the galaxy”

“Truly?” Thor walked over, then unable to resist, asked “did you lay here with Balder?”

Loki bit his lip and a frown came over his brow.

“No, he didn’t approve of my coming up here” he said “he said it was too cold, but I snuck here whenever I could. Out of all the places in the manor, this tower is my favorite”

He went to the edge and set his hands on the think stone that made the edge of it.

“I can see all the Isle from here” Loki rubbed his arms “and no one knows I am here”

Thor took off his cape and brought it over to wrap around Loki’s shoulders, rubbing a little.

“And where do you like looking most?” he asked

Loki thought about it for a moment then turned around and pointed to a spot over Thor’s shoulder.

“There”

Thor turned to see where he was pointing and saw the tall, immovable hills that made up one side of the Isle. Even in this darkness they stood out, darker than the landscape around.

“I used to love them” Loki told him “till Byleistr took me. His home is on the other side. When I came back, I couldn’t stand to look at them”

Thor studied Loki’s face “What exactly did he do, Loki?”

Loki’s face turned a brighter red “He kidnapped me, you know that”

“I know” Thor watched him go to the other side “I meant what did he do when you got there?”

Loki’s lips were tight and he exhaled “He threw me on the bed and climbed on top of me, biting my neck. I hit him in the head with a vase and threw him off before I locked myself in a room for four days”

Thor’s hands clenched and his jaw grit in rage.

“I should have brained him when I had the chance” he growled

Loki looked at him, then ducked his head “I want that but I cannot”

He rubbed his arm again

“It wouldn’t benefit this land or my people, had I been anyone else, I would have slit his throat”

Thor nodded “I understand, I am not happy, but I understand”

Loki turned back to gazing at the hills.

“I really hate that he inspires such fear in me” Loki told him “I think it is the knowledge that without a protector, I cannot face him”

“Perhaps with the right training, you can” Thor smiled “I would love to teach you”

Loki laughed “That’s funny, Thor”

“Nay, I mean it” Thor walked over “I think you would be a good student and with the right rumors about your potions, a formidable warrior”

The blush in Loki’s cheeks brightened a little at that and he smiled, just a little.

“Perhaps it wouldn’t be the worst thing to know how to throw a punch”

“Aye” Thor pat his back “are you ready to head inside? You’ll freeze here”

“Of course” Loki said

He kept his Thor’s cape around him and let Thor take him downstairs, groaning a little.

“I might me more drunk than I let on”

Thor laughed “Let me help then”

Loki yelped when Thor threw him over his shoulder like a sack and carried him down the halls again

“This isn’t what I had in mind!”

“I am aware, but this is far quicker”

“I want to sleep!”

“Then do, no one is stopping you, my lord” Thor grinned.

He went to his rooms and, still holding Loki, stoked the fire enough that it warmed the room. He then went to the bed and parted the drapes.

Loki had gone quiet but was still awake, letting out a hum when Thor set him on the bed.

“Do you feel better?” Thor asked

Loki nodded “Yes I am thinking…just…oh, this will hurt tomorrow”

Thor laughed and ruffled his hair “Lay down”

Loki did as he asked, falling gracelessly against his pillows. Thor undid his shoes and placed them aside before he set his feet, one by one, on the bedding and pulled the covers over him.

“Thank you” Loki whispered “for all of it”

“You’re more than welcome, Loki”

Thor then went to wear his own nightwear, locked the door and stood, debating. The floor was cold, far too cold and the bed looked very inviting.

Loki was awake, which made the decision a little harder, since he would probably comment and make Thor feel awkward. But, as little could be done about it, Thor walked over to the bed.

Loki had his face towards him now and was watching him carefully. He was quiet, his expression soft, mildly curious and sleepy.

His hair was messy and Thor smiled as he sat on the bed, opposite him.

“You’re still not tired?”

“I am” Loki reached out to touch the hem of his sleeve “lay down, please”

Thor obeyed, getting under the covers to face him.

He didn’t expect Loki to slide into his arms and press against him, however.

“Loki…”

“Hush” Loki placed a finger over his lips “don’t speak”

Thor looked at him, Loki noted, he could see the patterns in his blue eyes and Loki leaned closer.

Thor was very, very still as Loki’s lips landed on his own and his eyes fluttered closed. His pale hand rested on his cheek and his thumb stroked his face for a moment.

Then Loki pulled back and smiled at him

“Good night”

He set his head down on Thor’s pillow and drifted off to sleep, unaware of the rapid beating of Thor’s heart or the surprise on his face.

***

Trumpets were likely the least wanted noise for Loki to bear at the breakfast table the following morning. Thor tried to be sympathetic but Loki’s grimace, his colorful self deprecation and the love he had for the cook’s herb tea was a little hilarious.

He flinched at every noise and growled whenever a trumpet sounded of when drums thrummed in the distance.

The people were awake early, their spirits seemed to have chased the fog away this morning because there was only a light mist settled over them.

The colorful banners and tents of the participants swished and flapped in the wind from the seas and horses were painted over the fur with artists or draped in the emblems of their masters.

Today, the jousting would begin.

This was the day that many would gain their dreams, while many would fall.

Thor and Loki were to be there at the opening ceremony but Loki seemed disinclined to move from his seat. He looked like a wraith, a shawl adorned over him, even on his head. He looked like the stuff of nightmares.

He finished his third cup of tea and Thor gave him a smile.

“Are you finished?”

Loki gave him a dry glare, but stood and went to his wardrobe.

His bath was ready, so while Loki took that behind the screen, Thor washed up with the basin, looked at his reflection so he could shave and look presentable. He heard Loki on the other side of the screen and chanced a look.

He could see only his silhouette but even that was … well, Thor couldn’t _breathe_.

Loki’s movements as he undressed were sensual, much like last night’s dance. His body looked slender and he stepped into the bath with the grace of a swan.

He let out a sigh that made Thor bite his lip and look away.

Nothing good remained in such thoughts.

Loki let out a quiet sigh as he sunk into the water and Thor closed his eyes, trying to concentrate on his shaving.

“What do you have to do for the ceremony?” Thor asked

Loki had his head tipped back to set on the rim of the tub and licked his lips before he spoke

“There will be a breaking of the wine” Loki said “we are traditionally supposed to shatter it, but that wastes so much. So I just have the cork pulled out by a blade, Balder did that”

Thor grinned “I taught him that”

“Did you truly?” Loki turned to look at his shape through the screen “I always marveled at it, it was amazing”

Thor snickered “It’s tricky. Then what happens when you open it?”

Loki’s eyes were focused on Thor’s bare torso. He couldn’t see it but through the small holes in the screen he saw the tanned, muscled expanse of skin.

Thor was more muscled than Balder, Loki noted. Years in a sedimentary lifestyle had given Balder a slightly thicker middle than Thor had. Because Thor’s stomach, his chest and arms were honed to perfection like a blade.

It glistened where the water droplets fell and Loki began to feel his heart race increase a little.

“Loki?”

Thor’s voice made him look to his face through the screen and then blushed

“Oh, forgive me, I got lost in …thought” Loki muttered

Thor smiled “Quite alright, I just wanted to know what I had to do”

“Well, you pour the wine for the highest ranking knights and then break the _empty_ bottle” Loki reiterated “then the tournament starts. The lowest knights begin first, then their finalists are allowed to rest. After that the second group and the third group do the same. Four finalists will then joust one another in the very end”

“Do you watch often?” Thor asked, running the blade over his neck

“Sometimes, usually at the finals, I prefer to mingle rather than watch people break each other’s skulls” Loki said

“Well, sometimes, it’s just an eye, but I see your point” Thor told him “I truly hope the people who will set up the carnival will be nice”

“They will, you gave them a living and earning” Loki began to wash himself “I will be fine, Thor”

“I truly hope so” Thor replied

Silence fell between them as Thor continued to shave and he heard Loki step out of the bath a while later. This time, he kept his gaze on the mirror and saw Loki only when he emerged, wrapped in his towel, to go to their room. Loki’s gaze was on the floor but a second before he left the bathing chambers, his eyes flitted to Thor’s back, seeing the strong muscles illuminated by the light, then Loki was gone.

Thor tried not to smile at himself too much.

He finished up, too, then walked out to see Loki brushing his hair in front of his mirror. Thor went behind the screen to wear the clothes set out for him.

Once he was out, however, he went to his wardrobe and picked something from within.

“Loki”

Loki turned, a curious look upon his face, then looked at something Thor had in his hands.

“I know this is not a pendant or something grand” Thor held out a leather bracelet “but I wanted you to have this”

The leather was thin and braided together with two metal clasps that held it closed. Those interested Loki because they were molded into the shape of a serpent grasping its own tail once it shut.

“This is beautiful” he whispered “I … You truly wish to give it to me?”

“I do” Thor pulled his wrist up “It symbolizes a new start. Perhaps it will help you in whatever hurdles you face within”

His warm fingers touched Loki’s chilly skin and Loki suppressed a shiver, especially when Thor clasped it around his left hand. He swallowed a little at the intimate touch to the inside of his wrist.

Thor watched his face, the blush that bloomed in his cheeks and he wondered if Loki recalled the kiss he bestowed upon him last night.

He doubted it, since he was drunk, but he liked to hope he did.

Loki, for his part, couldn’t look at him for fear of doing something stupid as he’d done last night, it was a mercy that Thor wasn’t bringing it up already.

“Thank you” Loki breathed, studying it so he didn’t have to look at Thor “I will cherish this”

Thor’s smile made his eyes crinkle at the sides and he nodded in acknowledgement then went to finish his dressing so that they could leave.

He did wonder about Halvor and how he would be today. And he tried not to snicker at the thought of Fjolvar being unable to sit.

He should try to give Sleipnir a treat, if possible.

Since Thor was to arrive later, Loki went out with Vali and Fandral to signal that everyone was to gather at the plains today. There was a list of things that still needed to be done and Loki set Vali to the easier, more domestic ones and asked Volstagg for assistance with the harder ones.

Once people saw Loki out and riding towards the plains, the activity increased tenfold. Loki gave them time to collect, going to check on the entertainment for the women and children. He almost laughed at the fact that Thor had hired actors to conduct a play tonight and everyone was given an invitation. They watched the stage being set and set down cloths for an impromptu picnic and a day spent on the rides and horses that the carnival hosts had brought.

There was also a circus tent being lifted close by and Loki thought of bringing Thor to it. It could be something he would enjoy, since Thor liked nearly everything Loki did.

It was charming.

He went past to where there were women teaching visiting ladies about macramé and knitting. They all waved to him and Loki waved back as he rode on, unable to keep from smiling. The grass, as always, swayed around and he rode on, Svadilfari’s large hooves thudding on the ground.

When another presence came upon them, Loki almost rolled his eyes.

“Do you never give up?”

Sleipnir only whinnied in response and plodded along with them.

“You will give me a bad reputation, you know” Loki said “they will think we will have more like you around”

Sleipnir kept jogging with them, sometimes staying back, sometimes keeping pace. He was happy here, too.

The plains were alive with activity and the moment Loki emerged through the bordering tree lines, there were loud cheers and shouts from the knights who saw him, excitement coursing through them.

The stands were already filling up and were huge, lining higher than they did last year. More and more people were investing in their construction.

Loki made a little show of it, riding through the jousting fields, waving at the attendees to give them a cheer, too.

It did feel nice, especially when they laughed at Sleipnir running after him.

Thor would be along later, Loki knew, so he went to take his place after having a stable lad take care of the horses.

He climbed up to where his counselors were sitting and took his usual seat beside the Prioress. It not only marked her station, but showed how important she was to him. Fandral arrived to sit behind him and, to Loki’s dismay, so did Sif.

He said nothing to her save for a nod and watched the people attend and take their seats. There were a few squabbles but nothing too serious as everyone knew that fighting was not tolerated.

The wine bottle was given to Loki and he set it on the seat beside him.

Fandral came to stand behind his chair.

“Where is your husband?” he asked

“On his way” Loki said “worry not, this will be fine”

Loki was given a list of the fighters and tried not to roll his eyes when he saw that Sir Byleistr would be the first to fight.

“Why does that tub of lard fight every year?” Fandral asked “he’s a b-”

He paused at the look Prioress gave him.

“Bull” he amended “no one likes him”

“Then isn’t is good that he will be gotten rid of quickly?” Loki asked “as always”

Fandral nodded “Let us pray he hasn’t gotten any better”

Loki smiled and looked through the papers again.

He was at the end when Thor arrived, making him look up when booming laudation filled the air. He saw him walk in, raising his gloved hand as he did so.

People threw flowers and streamers at him, clapping and stomping their feet in excitement, having heard that he’d returned from what had been certain death.

Loki’s smile fell a little.

Had they but known…

They were cheering for a specter.

He tried to keep it out of his eyes as he stood to greet Thor when he arrived, but Thor saw it.

He took Loki’s hand and kissed it, gaining more shouts from those watching.

There were more, lined around, sitting up in trees, on the roofs of the houses that could see here, it was a spectacle for them.

Thor’s gaze softened, guessing what Loki was thinking about.

“You’re doing very well” Thor told him

Loki ducked his head and picked up the wine as winners and champions came with their chalices, to drink the offered wine.

Every single one of them had their helms removed save for one.

And Thor guessed that was Sir Halvor.

He took out his dagger and, before everyone slashed it swiftly over the neck of the bottle till it caught in the cork and sent it flying, pouring the froth to the grass below.

There were exploding cheers for that, then for when Thor poured it for the knights and smashed the empty bottle at the bannister before him.

“Let the games begin!” Heimdall walked into the fields “Squires, prepare thy masters!”

Loki sat back down and Thor raised a brow

“Attending then, are we?”

Loki rolled his eyes “This one I must”

“Ah, excellent, if you get bored of the violence…” Thor pulled a book from his cloak “Here”

Loki looked at it, then at him “You’re mad. I can’t read during a joust!”

“Read the title” Thor snickered

Loki took it and frowned “A Novice’s Guide to Understanding Formal Jousts?”

Thor laughed, harder when Loki smacked him with the book. Behind them, ballads were singing praises of the oncoming knights but Thor and Loki barely paid attention as they teased each other.

“Loki”

Fandral’s stern voice came from behind and immediately, Loki became reserved, his smile fell and he sat with his back straight.

It was hard for Thor not to toss a withering look at Fandral, but he refrained.

He did vow to have a word with him later.

He was never to check Loki like that again.

He took Loki’s hand within his own and watched the first banners be brought out and hung up.

Byleistr and some small knight faced one another.

“You know he raised the taxes three times this year on his own people to fund these jousts” Loki told him “It’s a shame he has them”

Thor’s lips tightened “He’s worse than I thought”

The flag was set between them.

The tension mounted and the people became silent as they both prepared.

The flag was raised and their horses let out shrieks of energy before they ran, galloping towards one another at full speed.

Loki winced when the greenhorn knight was thrown off his horse with one hit of Byleistr’s lance. He fell into the dirt and moaned in pain as his horse ran off ahead.

The point was awarded to Byleistr.

“He’s gotten better” Loki sighed “Great. It means we will see more of him”

Thor made a face “That sounds extremely nasty”

“It is worse than it sounds” Loki smiled as Vali brought them both their drink

More were handed out behind them and Byleistr took the cheers that the eager, easily gratified audience gave to him.

“It’s like watching a wet rat” Loki hissed “I despise him. What I wouldn’t pay to see him knocked down”

Thor smirked “He won’t go far”

As they watched, Byleistr rode up to them and smiled.

“Ah, fairest Loki” he said “did you see a true knight win this joust?”

“Hardly win” Loki replied “you knocked down an opponent. A tree could do that if a rider is propelling to it fast enough”

There was laughter from those who heard and Byleistr chuckled, too.

“Aye, the same could be applied to your husband, sir” Byleistr said “how long has it been since he faced an opponent?”

“Decades” Thor looked at him “there has been no one worthy”

“Perhaps you are just out of practice” Byleistr goaded “come, how about an unorthodox match between you and I? We can see for once and for all who is the better fighter”

A shushed, awe filled gasp came from those listening in.

“I shall pass” Thor told him “as I said, there is no one worthy”

“Or perhaps you just fear being dismounted again, as I recall, the last time you rode, you were easily thrown off by Halvor” Byleistr said “come now, we can talk about how much we have in common over young Loki”

Loki turned pale and Thor finally, finally gave Byleistr his full attention. His jaw clenched and Loki’s hand came over his.

“No” Loki whispered “do not…”

He broke off when Thor got to his feet.

“Very well” Thor told him “but we fight with swords. Do you accept?”

Shocked murmurs erupted from everyone around and Fandral glared at Thor while Loki tugged on his sleeve, telling him to stop.

Byleistr smiled “I accept”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki slowly raised his eyes to his and Thor saw the fears swirling within their green depths.  
“I will not let him hurt you any longer”

The sunlight blanketed the isle, giving it a gold hue even as the crowd gathered towards the sparring ring where sword fights took place on occasion. There were matches held here, too, small ones, with smaller prizes, for those who didn’t wish to ride.

It was surrounded in minutes, a wall of people who sat friends and children upon their shoulders as it was cleared of straw or hay and cleaned up for the fight between their master and their neighboring knight, the once famed Sir Byleistr.

Their conversation was a roar dull, but loud enough to reach even Loki as he ran through the halls as fast as he could, to the sitting area where Thor was being armored.

He burst in to see him standing there, bare to the waist, trying to figure out a strap in the front of his armor.

He looked up at him, surprised, holding the smooth, leather lined vest in his hands.

Loki was knocked breathless, speechless and thoughtless all in one glance and his face turned a bright red as he stared, then immediately focused his gaze somewhere above Thor’s shoulder.

“What in God’s name have you done?” Loki hissed “have you any idea how stupid you are?”

Thor raised a brow as Loki closed the door behind him and walked over.

“He is an ally! And if you defeat him…!”

Loki broke off when Thor placed a gentle finger on his lips.

“Enough” he told him “Aye? If I defeat him we get another ally. I will not have him stand on your lands and insult you, in front of everyone who was watching. Do not ask me that!”

“Thor, you can’t!” Loki lowered his hand “I know I hate him, he will start raiding the ships, he will block our passages from land, he will make us miserable, he has that power!”

“Only because you gave it to him, Loki” Thor frowned sadly “why does he not do the same to those who live on his other borders?”

“Because…”

“Because he is a coward” Thor told him “a coward Balder never did anything about. He is a bully and today, today, he will regret ever taking you away”

Loki swallowed thickly “Thor, please”

He took his hand in his own

“Don’t do this”

“If I back down now, I may as well give him permission to take you again” Thor lifted his hand to stroke Loki’s cheek “Look at me”

Loki slowly raised his eyes to his and Thor saw the fears swirling within their green depths.

“I will not let him hurt you any longer”

Loki’s hands were still holding his and Thor brought it to his lips so he could kiss his knuckles.

“I swear on my honor”

Loki still looked torn. He felt scared and with the confined space where he stood by the door at his back and Thor’s bare torso before him, Loki couldn’t really form an argument.

“I swear, Loki” Thor repeated “trust me”

His lips tightened, Loki gave him a nod, then let his hand go so Thor could pull the leather vest over his head. It slid smoothly against his skin, warm and strong, then he went to get the steel that he put over his chest.

He set it on his chest and Loki walked over.

“Let me strap it to your back”

Thor gave him a surprised look, but stood holding it at his chest as Loki buckled the straps to his back. Neither of them were speaking but he took that as Loki’s agreement.

“You don’t need to worry” Thor turned when Loki was done

Loki startled and looked up at him, seeing conviction in Thor’s blue eyes.

“I will not fail you nor dishonor you by losing”

“And not…get hurt in the process” Loki said “he’s better than last year. Balder had a difficult time when he fought him in the past”

“Byleistr has never faced me” Thor reminded him “and he will never do it again”

Loki lowered his gaze but Thor made him look back up.

This time, the look in Thor’s eyes made Loki a little tense. There was something there, something reckless, wild and impulsive. He also looked to him in askance and it took Loki a second longer to realize he was asking permission to kiss him.

Thor’s gaze kept going to his lips.

There was no one there.

Thor was no longer Balder, he was Thor. The last time he kissed him, it was to show the people of Seidr that he was his long lost husband had returned.

Here, it was just him and Thor, now this permission in between.

Loki felt his cheeks flush and heat up before he looked down and stepped back, away from Thor’s grasp and cleared his throat. He tucked his hair behind his ear and Thor tried not to let his disappointment show.

A disappointment he had no right to show, considering Loki had no obligation to him.

He wasn’t his husband no matter how hard they pretended and perhaps the last few weeks, the closeness he felt with him made him think that it was alright when it wasn’t.

Loki cleared his throat again

“Just be careful” Loki looked at him

Thor’s gaze softened and he nodded

“I will, Loki, don’t you worry”

“Hard not to, knowing you will be out there, swinging swords and fighting a fat lord”

“Unless he sits on me, I hardly doubt I will be in trouble”

Loki looked taken aback but laughed a moment after and shook his head.

“If he does, just wave your arm and we will help”

“I shall, my lord”

Loki, still smiling, ran a hand down Thor’s arm and went to the door again, aware of Thor’s gaze on him as he left him to finish preparing.

***

Sif was watching

Thor saw her by the trees, far from where they were, likely hiding from Loki, still. There no fear in her eyes, rather a resigned sort if understanding that her relationship with Loki was damaged now. Even if they found a way to become friends, it would never be the same.

The crowd gathered around the ring they would fight in parted as Thor made his way through, seeing Byleistr swinging his blade around, barely fitting his fat belly into the armor hr had on. Thor could actually see some of it bulging out from the sides where the straps held it to the back to buckle.

Thor wondered if he could just ooze out of his armor to defeat him

That would be a sight, indeed.

When Thor arrived, Byleistr made brief eye contact and smirked, very confident in himself. He’d clearly been in this situation with Balder.

But ah, the fates were kind because Thor was not his brother.

He was better.

Byleistr had a hooked blade that was thick and when he pulled it ahead, people let out soft gasps of awe, some thinking that blade intimidating enough to believe in Byliestr’s victory.

That was not to be the case.

Thor straightened as a chubby announcer got between them and told them the rules.

Three hits and the win was awarded. No gouging and no cheating.

He took Byliestr’s name first, then Balder’s and told them to stand before each other. Thor didn’t want to look at him but one glance at his beady eyes focused on Loki made his resolve harden

This man was not leaving this ring unharmed.

They stepped back and the bell rung

Thor shied back, watching as Byleistr lunged at him, launching himself from his spot gracelessly. He used his girth to his advantage, wanting to put his weight to his blade instead of using any true tact.

No wonder Balder had lost – the man was a pig with a sword.

Byliestr waved his hooked blade before him, no doubt trying to intimidate Thor, making shapeless movement in the air before him as he advanced. People gasped as he backed Thor into a corner, his eyes gleaming with joy and the sight of victory.

He charged at him with the hooked blade but Thor was ready.

One hard swing had the blade knocked from Byliestr’s hands and as he stared at Thor in shock, Thor planted a heavy, powerful kick to his chest, hurtling him back and into the dust.

The bell rung to avoid Thor the point and people cheered, clapping their hands.

Hell, even Sif managed a smile.

Byleistr on the other hand, groaned and sat up – or tried to.

There was laughter as he rolled around, trying to get his stuffed bulk to obey. He grabbed onto the edge of the rink and pulled himself up as a bell awarded a point to Thor.

In the distance, watching with both feigned aloofness and stark alertness, Loki bit his lip as Byleistr picked up his hooked sword again. He looked out of breath and turned to Thor

“You’ve become a better fighter, I see, Lord Balder, but from what I remember, I defeated you twice”

“I’ve changed” Thor said, lifting his sword again “come at me”

Byleistr readied his sword and attacked. Thor backed away again, but this time Byleistr seemed to understand that his previous actions wouldn’t work well.

Their blades clashed and Thor felt him use his weight to push against him.

It was clever, a tactic that must have won him many a battle.

But Thor was just … better.

He swung out with his leg, knocking Byleistr’s feet from under him and gaining an indignant yelp as he fell down in the dust.

Byleistr growled in anger, punching at the ground as he lost

Thor had scored three points, he was winning. The last point would no longer matter.

Thor walked away, taking the cheers that were so loudly sounded for him while Byleistr once more got to his feet.

Thor had not used his blade once

That was the humiliation that had Byleistr’s face turning red. He waited for the bell again, then ran forward with an enraged below, to hurl Thor back as hard as he could.

Loki’s eyes widened and he gasped a second later when Thor side stepped Byleistr and saw him bash into the fence of the ring, breaking through and falling into the startled crowd behind them.

Shocked gasps filled the air for a moment, then turned into loud guffaws and raucous laughter. Even the judge was in fits and Thor stood aside, watching Byleistr groan and try to get up yet again, only to fail and fall back.

More laughter sounded when two of his men came to help him up and Thor smiled at Loki, who was hiding his smile behind his hand.

Thor had defeated him without raising his blade.

That was what everyone would remember.

He raised a hand to wave farewell to everyone and left so that the jousting would continue. There was no need for this to taint the rest of the day. He felt pats on his back as he walked back, laughter and japes at their fallen neighbor, a sense of worthiness came over him, too.

To Thor, that was more rewarding.

He could hear Byleistr’s men try to disperse the crowd but they could hardly manage. His humiliation for today was settled deeply.

The rest of it would wait for another day.

Thor was sure that there would be more chances for him to get back at Byleistr. He wasn’t done with him yet, after all.

He made it back to the manor eventually and went to Loki’s room to change again. God knew he probably reeked of that beefy bastard.

Thor had taken off his armor and was in the bathing chambers when the door to the room opened and closed.

He was at the basin, washing the dirt and grime off him, knowing it was either Loki or a servant outside. He didn’t much pay attention, considering his hands still longed to hurt.

He still wanted Byleistr’s throat being crushed beneath his hands, he wanted to feel it. He deserved more than humiliation in his opinion.

The water splashed as he cleaned up and once he was done, he took a towel and dried himself. It felt better almost immediately.

He knew the joust was still going on so he had to go back, but once he left the bathing chambers, he saw Loki standing outside, waiting.

He was looking at him, some unknown emotion in his eyes, one Thor hadn’t seen before.

“Loki” he asked, surprised “Is all well?”

“No” Loki breathed.

He took a steadying breath, walked over, took Thor’s face in his hands …

…and kissed him.

***

Cheers rose to the skies as another rider was dismounted, hurled back into the ground with the might of the spear of his opponent.

People winced, people cheered and some gave angry shouts as their quiet bets suddenly grew in disappointment.

Drinks were passed around in the high stands and vendors came to serve spectators as the knights went to prepare once more.

Another battle, another victory, another defeat, that was how it went.

Not that Thor was paying much attention, his mind was still back at the palace, at how things has changed so rapidly that he was just trying to get a hold of them and gain some ground.

Loki seemed to be proud of himself. He hadn’t looked at Thor, but there was a little smile on his lips the entire time as he sat, leaning at the side, conveniently showing off the graceful lines of his form in that sweet outfit he wore today.

He tried not to look at him too much, but the way he now sat showed off the lean contours of his back – and his bottom.

Thor had a hard time not imagining what it was like when his hands were there a few hours ago.

He had a hard time not thinking about it.

_Thor let out a muffled sound of surprise, but Loki didn’t let him move back as he kissed him, his hands soft but firm on either side of Thor’s face, soft and gentle, as he pulled back just enough to look at Thor’s confused eyes._

_Thor’s lips were a little reddened and his cheeks flushed as he looked at Loki, who gently ran a thumb over his lips before he smiled._

_His green eyes seemed to glitter in the sunlight as he looked at Thor’s._

_“Is this alright?” Loki asked “you do not find this strange or invasive?”_

_Thor stared at him then shook his head, reeling by the fact that his slow burning desire was suddenly aflame._

_“Nay, I don’t…”_

_He was cut off again when Loki kissed him once more and this time, Thor’s arms went around him and he groaned against Loki’s mouth. His eyes closed and he pulled him closer when Loki’s arms came about his neck, too._

_And by God’s teeth, his body felt so pliant against his own, it was like he was made for Thor. Loki’s hands were gentle upon his shoulders but his kiss was passionate and he groaned softly when he kissed Thor, then mouthed along his jaw and neck while Thor;s hands roamed his body._

_He felt them tug at his clothes and a soft whimper escaped him when they slipped under, making him shiver._

_“Your hands are cold” Loki laughed softly_

_“Forgive me, I just…washed” Thor whispered back, closing his eyes when Loki nipped at his throat_

_Loki’s silken clothes against his bare body felt incredibly erotic and his hands slid to Loki’s waist, feeling the tremble he gave._

_“Kiss me” Loki breathed_

_Thor obeyed._

_He turned to press Loki against the wall behind them and looked down at him for a long, nearly unbearable second. Then he lowered his head and kissed him, groaning as he deepened it._

_Loki’s hands rasped over Thor’s arms, his skin and his back, marveling at the feel of his body. It was free of any hint of fat, warm beneath his hand but hard as marble. He touched a few wayward droplets of water as his hand went lower…lower…_

_Loki gasped when Thor’s hand grasped his wrist and raised suddenly uncertain eyes to his._

_“How far would you like me to go with this?” Thor’s husky, deep voice asked him_

_Loki swallowed thickly “I – I don’t know”_

_Thor arched a brow, his lips quirked into a smirk and he moved Loki’s hand between them, making him gasp when he pressed it to his trousers, where an obvious hardness surged against his palm._

_“Are you comfortable with this?” Thor asked, his breath whispering at Loki’s ear_

_Loki took a breath and bit his lip_

_“Not at this moment but that could change”_

_Thor admired his honesty, he truly did, and he lowered his head to Loki’s neck, releasing his hand in favor of lowering Loki’s collar to expose his shoulder. His lips were warm against Loki’s skin and Loki’s breathing stuttered when he started to bite and kiss him there._

_He turned his head away, his labored breathing the only sound between them and Thor’s hand went from his sleeve to slide down his back, lower…lower…_

_Loki let out a whimper when Thor’s hand squeezed his bottom._

_Balder had never done this._

_Loki had never felt this way and he was flushed, he was hard, too. his knees felt weak as well as Thor kissed from his shoulder to his neck, up his jaw to take his lips again, making him close his eyes at the kiss._

_It was demanding, it was hard and Loki’s hands pulled Thor closer by the tunic to get more._

_It had been fantastic …_

The crack of a spear made Thor blink back to reality as he saw the knight dismounted yet again.

The winner was clear and he clapped his hands with the others, watching as he winner advanced, pride in his every step, to accept the medals and gold he was to be given. His men ran to embrace him, too, cheering for their friend.

He saw a few people look angry and saw the defeated knight be taken away to have his injuries tended to. It was to be a night of drinking for him before he either left or stayed to try and find a way to make some money back in the other, smaller jousts.

It wasn’t the last match of the day but they took a recess during which Loki and Thor were to mingle with some of the visiting nobility. Thor wondered why considering they had numerous feasts with them already, but Loki insisted.

So, with the duty of a good husband in mind, Thor made his way with Loki, towards the people who would wait for them in one of the manor halls.

Sir Halvor was there, too. He was still in his armor and having a few words with his attendants. There was a curious crowd around him, listening to him talk to them through his attendants. It was intriguing, he never spoke to them directly, insisting, that there was something wrong with his voice and they were kind enough to humor him.

That always left him with someone to converse with even though they didn’t know who he was under that helm.

He could be anyone.

He could be more than one person, too.

Thor let Loki lead him forward and towards a rich looking couple, who smiled at them far too brightly.

“Lord and Lady Frey” Loki told Thor “they’re the snooty ones Balder hated talking to”

“I know the type” Thor whispered back “they practically reek of pretention”

Loki concealed his smile for a moment before he leveled a more polite one to Lord and Lady Frey.

“Good afternoon” Loki bowed his head a little

They returned the gesture and then focused their gazes on Thor.

“We had heard your husband had returned from the expedition safe and sound” Lord Frey said “we were relieved to know the rumors of your death were wrong indeed”

“They were, thankfully” Thor smiled “No one is happier than I”

“Of course, Sir Balder” Lady Frey smiled “I cannot imagine what it must have put your husband through, to hear that it could have been true, I can’t believe he would remain unscarred”

Thor put an arm around Loki

“My husband is strong and can bear much” Thor said “had I truly been gone, he would still have found a way to keep this place safe, I can vouch for that personally”

Loki blushed a little and Lord Frey smiled

“Such devotion” Lady Frey touched her ample chest in adoration or relief

But her eyes shined with something else, Thor noticed.

“And I know this is a little forward but I am rather glad that you got over that…unfortunate little fight” she said “I have been worrying about it since we last met”

In Thor’s grip, Loki tensed a little but Thor merely smiled.

“Aye” he smiled “No one is more grateful about it than I”

“How wonderful” Lady Freya said

Thor was a little thankful that they had to meet other people and moved away from that nosey couple, feeling Loki give an irritated huff.

“What was that about?” Thor asked

“They walked into an argument Balder and I were having” Loki said “I had been emotional at that time so I was crying. Lady Freya began to obsess over it because she didn’t know the details well enough to spread the story about us”

Thor winced “She sounds like a gossip, too. Not that I am generalizing but…”

“I know” Loki rubbed the back of his neck

Thor frowned when he realized that he looked agitated – likely from the remembered memory. His grip around Thor’s arm vanished, too, and Loki instead played with the bracelet Thor had given him as they walked.

He had that false smile upon his lips and he greeted every guest, this time, keeping his distance from Thor.

Regret, then.

That was what got to him.

Thor let him be, he wasn’t the first to feel that way and Thor was sure he wouldn’t be the last. He joined Fandral when he saw him talking to a squire and saw the General stand taller.

“Lord Balder”

“Fandral” Thor smiled “have a walk with me about the lawns. Come on”

He nodded his head to the doors and Fandral sighed.

“Very well”

He went with him, telling his companion that he would return soon, then trying not to look at Fjolvar as he made his way to Loki nearly instantly.

The man was still persistent, Thor thought.

It was rather irritating.

He left with Fandral and only when they were away from most of the crowd, did Thor talk.

“What can you tell me about Lord and Lady Frey?” Thor asked

Fandral made a disgusted face “Do you have five and a half hours? Because I will not stop talking about them”

Thor smirked “That bad, aye?”

“Worse” Fandral said “she is a vicious gossip, spreading lies to everyone and he is always chasing after women, who get younger and younger in his tastes every time he comes here”

“A lecher if I ever heard of one” Thor saw a bench and sat on it, thinking “Loki doesn’t like her at all. He says she caught them fighting and hasn’t stopped trying to get gossip from him since”

Fandral sat beside him, too “Oh, aye, that was a nasty one. Balder left for three weeks, which was stupid on his part, stoking the fires”

Thor looked at him, surprised “He left? Because of a fight”

“Aye” Fandral sat back “he might have been a little in his drink, might have not, but he accused Loki of sleeping with me. To be fair, we are close friends and always stayed around one another, so I guess it wasn’t too far a stretch to think of it that way”

“And he was seeing Sif behind Loki’s back when he accused him?” Thor asked

Fandral frowned a little “I believe so”

Thor shook his head and scoffed “The more I hear of him, the less he seems like the brother I spent my life with and more like someone I would punch without hesitation”

“He was a good man” Fandral frowned “He gave his life to this Isle”

“Yes, but not to his husband” Thor looked at him a little challengingly “Loki is the reason he got these lands and so far he’d refused to perform his duties to him, remained disloyal and accused him of adultery. Doesn’t sound like a stellar example of a husband, even you must agree”

Fandral looked away from him

“Listen, whether you like to hear this or not, it is the truth” Thor told him “and another truth is that Loki likely feels like he’s less then Balder, who, in the crudest terms, was an untrustworthy and neglectful husband”

“He was your _brother_” Fandral growled

“Why such loyalty to him?” Thor asked “Just because he is dead? Trust me, no one feels as badly as I that my brother, my twin brother, who I grew up with, is dead. But I also do not like what I hear about him.”

Fandral had the grace to look down at the grass.

“I do not intend to be mean” Thor told him “I just express my disappointment at the brother who was supposed to be the noble one out of the two of us. It feels like both of us failed and Father was right”

At that, Fandral frowned “I thought your father was dead”

Thor looked at him, then laughed a little sadly

“If I were honest, it would have been easier if he was” he ran a hand through his hair “it would have been a specter, not a parent I was disappointing. No, he is very much alive. He’s the Earl of Asgard. We are his sons from a former affair with a woman he didn’t wish to wed”

“Oh” Fandral commented “that’s…I am sorry, I cannot imagine what it must feel like to you”

Thor shrugged “It lost its importance over the years”

“But not the pain” Fandral observed “that affects people”

“It does, most definitely” Thor looked upon the landscape before him “But even that will fade one day”

There was color and life filling this Isle. It truly felt magical. He smiled when he saw a few children running around, holding kites behind them and watching them fly.

“This place is truly beautiful” he told Fandral

“It is, Loki cared for it like it was a part of him” Fandral replied

“It is” Thor looked at him “he’s the heart of this Isle. Without him, it would cease to be”

Fandral’s eyes studied him for a few seconds but he didn’t comment to that. He just sat back to enjoy the sights, too.

He really couldn’t tell what Thor was thinking – with Balder, it was easier. His displeasure or happiness was on his face but Thor looked cheerful all the time. It was strange.

He was about to speak when Thor turned to him.

“Another thing I wished to speak to you about” Thor said “Is how you checked Loki during the joust.”

Fandral blinked “I …”

“You will never do so again” Thor’s eyes were as firm as his tone “Understand?”

“It was just improper…”

“Do you understand?” Thor asked a little more sternly

Fandral’s lips pressed tight but he nodded “Aye”

“Good” Thor stood “Now I will finish this walk alone and you will go back and keep watch on Loki. Don’t let Fjolvar near him”

“Aye” Fandral got to his feet

They parted ways and Thor walked along the trees and paths, smiling at the people who saw him and greeted him excitedly.

The next round of jousting was starting soon and this time it was Byleistr at the horse again. He’s likely bribed whoever was next to take his place and was now getting ready to regain his lost honor.

People were still laughing at him, after all.

Thor wouldn’t lie, it had felt great to knock him down.

It would feel greater if he could actually hit him, however. Thor could already imagine how that fat tub of lard would roll around on the ground trying to get up.

He snickered to himself and walked on, hoping that he would get to see a more gratifying sight than that.

***

They had to share a bed again, as they had before.

But tonight, Loki felt distant. He knew what they woman said had gotten to him and watched as he lingered, trying to do just about everything he could instead of getting in beside Thor.

He hadn’t said anything but when Loki went to stoke the fore for the sixth time, Thor cleared his throat.

“I can sleep elsewhere if you wish”

Loki straightened and turned, looking confused.

“Pardon?” he frowned “Why would you?”

“You clearly have qualms about being close to me, it would be no problem” Thor sat up to put on his shoes “I will simply go take Fandral’s space”

“No, no, wait”

Loki walked over

“I don’t want you to leave”

“You clearly don’t want me to stay here, Loki, it’s alright” Thor stood “it is no problem”

“No,” Loki said again “you will stay. Lay back down”

“And make you uncomfortable?” Thor asked

“Yes! It doesn’t matter, just lay down and go to sleep, I will manage whatever I feel” Loki said firmly “it is my right”

Thor didn’t move and Loki gazed at him.

“What?”

“You regret kissing me, do you not?” Thor asked “and that lady made you start over thinking”

“Nay” Loki rubbed his arms, lowering his gaze to Thor’s chest “It’s just…”

“Memories” Thor deduced “possible guilt, for feeling happy and doing something you want to”

Loki shrugged “It’s not like I am dying to kiss you”

“You’re not exactly thinking of stopping, I guess that is where the guilt stems from” Thor smiled “Loki, you shouldn’t be guilty for feeling happy. What happened was not your fault”

“I feel like it is” Loki said “if I made this place more welcoming he wouldn’t have left so often”

“Loki” Thor tipped his head up “I admire how intelligent and clever you are. You can command your own Isle and are quick on your feet but that was the stupidest thing I have ever heard”

Loki stared, offended “I beg your pardon?”

“It is not your fault that he would go on adventures, it was what he wanted” Thor said “you didn’t drove him away. So do not think that, alright?”

“Just because he…”

Loki startled when Thor put a finger over his lips and looked into his eyes.

“Nay” Thor said “he left, because he wished to, you had nothing to do with it. You could neither prevent it nor make it happen, aye?”

Loki didn’t agree, but he said no more, opting to wait for Thor to move his finger, which he did.

He pursed his lips, then nodded “Thank you”

“That gratitude feels like I angered you”

Loki smiled a little, his expression warmed and he sighed “It is nothing you have done, just my own problems, I swear. So please do not leave, lay down, I will move on from this feeling after I wake up”

Thor nodded and sat back down, waiting till Loki was in the bed beside him before he, too, lay down. He looked up at the ceiling, aware of Loki doing the same beside him. His movements were careful, as though he was trying his best not to touch Thor or disturb him too much.

He felt awkward.

So, Thor sighed

“Who do you think Halvor is?”

Loki looked at him a little surprised “Pardon?”

“Sif Halvor” Thor said “all those stories have me intrigued. Who is he? Why does he truly not speak?”

Loki smiled “You and every person on this Isle thinks about that”

“Aye, but they love the mystique and aura around him” Thor turned to lay down facing him “I just wish to know. What if he is a spy who comes here to gather information and sell it for high prices?”

“To whom?” Loki asked “Elite Society for their gossip about common people?”

Thor smirked “There is nothing common about your people nor this Isle. Those who live in the city would be unable to handle the clean, pure air we have the luxury of breathing”

“They will also judge us” Loki told him “as they do every year”

“At the fairs?” Thor asked “you haven’t gone in years, have you?”

“Nay, I only hear stories from Fandral and the others” Loki said “but they are enough. Fandral said that they looked upon him like he was dust or a pebble on their shoe”

“Now that is because Fandral is always scowling” Thor pointed out “if he smiled, they would be more open to his presence”

Loki laughed softly “He reminds of a wise, very condescending owl, you know? Someone who speaks the truth but no one truly likes to be around him”

“That sounds like Fandral, I must say” Thor smiled, then bit his lip for a second “After the jousts are over, you should go. I’ll take you, what do you say?”

Loki blinked in surprise “To the cities? Truly?”

“Aye, why not?” Thor asked “We can let a house, or stay with the one friend I have there. He’s really wonderful. Then I can take you around the condescending Society that everyone wants to be at the top of”

“That would truly be something.” Loki’s smile made him look brighter than he did a moment ago “and we should shop for things we would never require in our lives”

“Of course, that is mandatory” Thor told him “and ride horses”

“Or free them” Loki grinned “that would shock everyone. We could sneak into houses at night and free every horse we see”

“It would cause chaos and people would talk about it in the morning papers” Thor snickered “What a marvelous day it would be”

“If they really do print it, we should take one of the papers and frame it” Loki pointed above his headboard, to the wall “And hang it there so I know I have done at least something worthwhile in my life”

Thor furrowed his brow “You’ve done more. You took over this Isle and command it, you look over people…”

“It’s my duty” Loki looked back at him “I always thought I would do something more. Not that this isn’t rewarding, but when I was a boy, I wanted to be a Knight. I wanted to travel and see the world.”

“You can still travel”

“And chop heads off villains I meet”

“Now that would be a little tricky” Thor conceded

Loki laughed and lay on his back again.

“The second round of jousts are going to take place tomorrow” Loki looked at him “Sir Halvor will inaugurate it and entertain us by fighting the middle class knights.”

“Perhaps someone will knock his helm off and we will finally solve the mystery” Thor smirked

“Maybe” Loki slid his hands under his pillow “It would end the debate, but charge the fuel for gossip for the next forty seven years”

“Such specific years”

Loki grinned again “Aye, I don’t think he would be that famous”

He closed his eyes and let out a long, deep breath as Thor watched. He was just so beautiful and had his regret in kissing him not been strong, Thor would have tried again.

“Are you going to sleep now?”

“Aye, but you can keep talking” Loki said “your voice can lull me into a dreamless sleep”

“Or a Thor-full sleep” Thor got comfortable, too “what do you want me to talk about?”

“Anything you wish” Loki told him “I’m not going to fuss”

“Then I will tell you old knight stories so you can chop off heads in your dreams” Thor told him

“Excellent,”

Thor started to tell the story of the knight poet and watched as Loki’s body relaxed second by second and his breathing evened out. He let out a soft snore and Thor smiled when that happened, moving a little closer to him.

He slid an arm around Loki and closed his eyes, pretending he was the one Loki wanted, and that he didn’t regret what happened between them.

***

The stands were as loud as they had been before. More spectators had come into the city to watch what was happening and to cheer for the competitors. It was getting more interesting now since those who had actually seen battles were now taking the field.

Sif Halvor was one of them.

And a new contender had joined.

His name was Lord Angrboda and he’d hailed from a part of the country that was closest to the royals. He was known for winning nearly every joust he’d been to and Loki despised him.

Thor was having a read through the itinerary with Loki when Angrboda made his appearance and raised a brow at Loki’s distaste.

“Is all well, dear?”

Loki looked to him and tried his best to appear accommodating.

“Lord Angrboda is here” Loki said “Disgusting”

Thor looked at him curiously, then to the large legion of men making their way towards them.

“And he offends you?”

“Aye,” Loki hissed “He’s always been someone who believes he is entitled to anyone or anything he wants. Often people get hurt because of him.”

“Then why have him here at all?”

Loki snarled a little at Angrboda’s direction “He’s a distant cousin”

“Ah, family”

“_Distant_ cousin” Loki reiterated “I do not like nor want him as family. He’s my father’s side of the cousins and I despise him”

“Truly?” Thor asked “I couldn’t tell”

That earned him a hard look from Loki and tried not to laugh. But, since Angrboda was a cousin – distant cousin – they were obligated to meet with him.

“Ten silver coins say he will discuss the meeting with the royal guard in the first five minutes of the meeting” Loki said “he’s never really spoken to the royals, you know? He comes here every few years and acts as though he is one”

Angrboda had curly black hair and hawk like grey eyes. He was young, about Loki’s age, perhaps older, and had the nastiest smile Thor had ever seen.

He also looked at Loki in a very un-cousin like manner.

This wouldn’t do at all.

“Cousin Loki!”

Angrboda came to embrace Loki, which Loki clearly didn’t like, evident by the way his arms were folded between their chests and how he pushed him away almost immediately.

“You look more beautiful every time we meet” Angrboda stepped back, smiling at Loki “Damnation, it feels good to be here. A quaint, sweet little Isle away from all civilization. If you ever visit the cities, you will be amazed, I wager”

“Really?” Thor arched a brow “How so?”

“It’s so fast paced, there is technology you haven’t even heard about” Angrboda walked, looping his arm with Loki’s “they are introducing so many machines there, you will be unable to believe”

“Ah, what are machines?” Loki asked, his eyes far too innocent “I have never heard of those”

Thor suppressed a smile when Angrboda gasped and fell into his trap to tell him everything he could in the most insulting ways.

He was clever about it, Loki would give him that. His tone never changed but it was clear he thought himself leagues above Loki and Thor.

He mentioned places that Loki had never heard of, but fortunately, Thor had. He knew what they were, he’d spent most of his life there when he was younger.

Granted, the places Angrboda talked about were a little closer to the lower classes, but he acted very well. He pretended they were high end places.

“And Lord Balder, how does your family fare?” he asked

Loki tensed in his grip but Thor merely smiled

“My father, I haven’t spoken to in years and my mother’s dead. You tell me”

Angrboda looked chagrined but it was only a farce “Oh, I am so sorry. Things were hard for you last time I visited, too”

“They always are when you’re around” Thor smiled “So you do not have to worry”

Angrboda didn’t have anything to say to that and Thor noticed he didn’t move away from Loki. He talked about the city, about how amazed he was that Loki had managed to keep everything so well running in his father’s absence

“And without a brother, too, I can hardly imagine doing any of that” Angrboda went on “such a burden to shoulder, I wouldn’t be able to”

“I agree” Loki smiled “I am pleased, then, that I was the one bestowed this honor”

“Hardly an honor, you cannot even leave this place and I know how much you talked about travelling when you were younger” Angrboda said

Thor tried not to roll his eyes, but thankfully, they were close to the jousts now.

“Ah, Sir Halvor is here” Angrboda smiled “I will look forward to a match with him”

Thor and Loki shared a look.

Halvor was undefeated.

Angrboda was a sop

They made a united decision and smiled at Angrboda

“We can have one in the coming rounds, even though we are two people short” Loki said

“Oh, Balder can fill up a spot” Angrboda was quick to offer “You can finally face Halvor. You never fight him”

“Aye” Thor smirked

His brother hadn’t been able to take his defeat well, but Thor wouldn’t be like that at all.

“Excellent” Angrboda said “let us commence the battle!”

“Tis a joust” Thor reminded him dryly

But there was no listening for Angrboda, who rushed off to announce his joust and Thor’s in the second tournament

“A little below your caliber, isn’t it?” Loki asked when they were alone “Balder never competed”

Thor shrugged “Then I guess it is time I put that in the past”

“I don’t think that’s wise” Loki said “if he didn’t go against him there might have been a reason”

“Aye, an over blown ego” Thor snickered “deflated by a warrior better than he. He never liked losing even when he was a boy. That’s why he always stuck to finances, learnt them better so he wouldn’t fight”

“Really?” Loki asked breezily “He said it was because you could hit everything that moved and eventually hit the right target”

Thor looked at him, almost offended till he saw the gleam in his eyes.

Loki was teasing him.

“Ah” he said “well, he was not wrong”

Loki smiled “Let us take the stands. I am sure everyone will want to watch Angrboda be taken down”

“By everyone, do you imply it will be only _you_ who will enjoy his defeat?”

Loki gave him a look, then walked onwards and Thor had a hard time trying to keep from smiling

This truly felt nice.

The matches were set up and Halvor was one of the first who fought, Thor found it as no surprise that all his opponents fell one by one while he, himself, always stayed on his horse.

Lately, he’d heard that he’d been absent at feasts but managed to know everything that took place. He knew the tactical plans of the Knights who fought against him, too. how he managed that feat without any of his attendees present, no one knew.

It just added to the mystique always near him now.

Thor sat in the stands, having a sweet honey drink, watching him face off against Angrboda. Angrboda was on his steed and his banners waved for him. Spectators seemed to love him since he lived near royalty and was always filled with the stories that made Loki roll his eyes.

Most of them were likely servant talk he listened to, in his opinion.

He lifted his lance and shield, then looked at Halvor.

His armor was black as night, his horse looked like a specter from the darkness. As he readied himself, Angrboda decided to go to Loki and walked his horse to stop by his stands.

“A reward if I win” he said “a dance tonight with the lovely cousin I so rarely meet”

Thor raised a brow as there was laughter and even a little cooing at that.

“If you win” Loki said “against Lord Halvor. But once you do, you face my husband”

“I am aware” Angrboda beamed “but I hear that is no challenge”

Those listening let out awed sounds that gave it a little more drama than Thor wanted. But by Angrboda’s smile, it was what he’d wanted. Manipulating the interest of a bored, secluded public wasn’t that hard.

They would talk about this for weeks.

“Defeat him and we shall see” Thor told him “before that, you are just words”

There was another reaction from the crowd, less favored by Angrboda, however. Yet he only smiled at them, bowed his head and went to take his place.

Halvor was ready, too.

His magnificent steed pawed at the ground and Angrboda took a breath, looking at him with challenge in his eyes.

This would be easy.

The flags were raised and the knights sprinted forward.

Halvor lowered his lance and Angrboda held his own, ready to hurl him off his horse.

But Halvor was faster, better trained and Angrboda caught only a flash of green eyes before his lance blasted him off his horse and threw him down on the ground – hard.

His world had spun and he landed face down in the dirt, barely able to hear the screaming, cheering crowd over the thrum in his head. He groaned as the hoofbeats of Halvor’s horse faded into the background.

Thor stood and clapped loudly, laughing when Loki pulled him down

“Behave!”

“What?” Thor grinned “this brought me joy”

“Everyone knows why,” Loki said dryly “be silent and clap like a dainty young woman”

Thor laughed at that but did as he asked as Halvor and Angrboda took their positions again. Angrboda was angry, his movements were aggressive and Loki pointed it out to Thor.

“He’s going to try and throw Halvor off, likely aim for his head”

“Isn’t that against the rules?” Thor asked

“Aye, but not if you’re sneaky about it” Loki told him “Look, he’s holding his lance a little bit higher. Its virtually unnoticeable”

“Clever” Thor grimaced “It will make it look like an accident”

“Aye, but Halvor will notice, I am sure” Loki assured him “he’s a seasoned warrior”

“Indeed”

They sat back as once again, the riders prepared. This was interesting, if nothing else. Angrboda’s ego was tarnished, his pride in the dust, this was going to be an exciting match.

But, just as Halvor got ready, a young stable boy, Angrboda’s, ran full speed towards his master and whispered something to the closest attendee. Thor frowned and watched, as confused as the other spectators, as the attendee went to Angrboda and lowered his lance. He whispered something to him and a short conversation happened.

Angrboda looked at Halvor, then nodded to his attendee.

The man took a white banner and placed it over the podium where the winner’s colors were to be displayed.

Loki frowned “He withdrew …Just like Balder”

He looked at Thor as disappointed groans

“What on earth?” Fandral muttered from behind them

Thor was confused, too.

“Lord Angrboda had withdrawn his name from the tournament!” the announcer said “he will be replaced by the challenger next in line – Sir Balder!”

Cheers boomed in the stands as Angrboda left and Halvor looked defeated.

Something was truly wrong.

Thor went to get changed, telling Loki he would return with information, if he could. Loki sent Fandral to get answers.

If anyone could, he would be able to.

Meanwhile, he was to tolerate Angrboda’s company and smiled, or tried to, when he took Thor’s place beside him.

“Are you well, Cousin?” Loki asked

“Just a hurt knee” Angrboda lied “I couldn’t give my best so I let your husband go for it”

In his head, he knew this was going to be just like last time. Balder had always withdrawn against Halvor – if he hadn’t refused to compete at all, that is.

But even he was obliged to ride against an opponent considering it was he who was hosting it.

“I see” Loki turned to the match “you should have the healers here tend to you. I wouldn’t like it if you hurt yourself.”

“I am fine, I believe we should worry about Balder” he smiled “he could get embarrassed in front of his people, Halvor is very good”

“Balder is good, too” Loki sat up straighter “he could win if he wanted to”

“Such devotion” Angrboda asked for a drink “let’s see what that gets him”

Loki refused to be goaded and was a little thankful that Thor came out, riding Svadilfari. It did made Loki wonder how it would look if he rode Sleipnir instead.

Everyone would laugh, for sure

Halvor took his position and once more, charged at the wave of the flag.

Everyone gasped when Thor charged, when, Balder, the man who never went against Halvor, charged.

Halvor was taken aback, which gave him a second’s delay since he was fully expecting him to back down.

Cheers slowly rose as the opponents got closer and closer…

…then shocked gasps filled the air as Halvor was thrown off his horse when Thor hit him.

Loki gaped as the best, undefeated fighter on the Isle was dismounted so heartlessly, falling hard to the ground where his attendees ran in immediately to help.

He stumbled and was held up by his people while Thor circled back.

Angrboda was knocked speechless, his eyes wide.

He couldn’t believe Balder had just done that.

Loki was smiling. Thor had dismounted the best and shocked everyone as he’d taken Balder’s lost honor back. He watched Halvor stagger a little, then nod to his men, which made his supporters cheer.

Good, Loki thought. He needed encouragement.

Thor was given a fresh lance and he waited for Halvor.

More cheers and shouts rose from the stands once more when he took his position and Thor took his own.

Once more, they got ready to charge

“He’s gone mad” Angrboda exhaled “He will end this Isle”

Loki frowned and looked at him “What are you talking about?”

“There is a reason Halvor is undefeated” he told Loki “and I do not think you will like what it is”

Loki felt his heart begin to race with thoughts of what it could be but he was denied the chance of asking when once more, the contestants raced towards one another.

“By God’s eyes…” Angrboda cussed

The clash of metal and blast of a shield echoed in the ring as Halvor was once more thrown off his horse, toppling heels over head, till he rolled in the dust once more.

Angrboda pressed his lips together as shocked and over joyed cheers erupted for Thor.

Nay, for Balder.

He’d regained the honor lost to him at his last defeat with Halvor.

Clearly, the crowd loved it. They shouted and chanted Balder’s name and for a moment, Thor felt that same twinge of jealousy he did ever since he was a child. He made his way back but halted when Halvor asked him to, riding over on his horse to stand across Thor’s.

He frowned when he found himself looking into very, very feminine green eyes and it hit him then.

Sir Halvor was a _woman_.

“You _must_ be Thor” she said, her voice deep and mildly amused “I had heard about Balder’s passing, I am sorry for your loss”

Thor couldn’t speak for a moment, he gaped at her, then shook his head and blinked.

“I … I how do you know?” he whispered

“Balder would never defeat me” she smiled “But I humbly request that you let me finish this match. I haven’t not finished one, Lord Odinson”

Thor’s mind was reeling and he nodded, then rode Svadilfari away, frowning behind his helm.

Halvor was a woman.

And a woman who knew who he was, someone Balder was not willing to face. Someone who was so damn good it scared even his brother from facing him.

Or was it the thought of losing to a woman that caused Balder not to face him.

And yet…those eyes seemed familiar.

There was something about them.

They took their spots again and Angrboda sat there, stunned.

“He’s mad”

Loki looked to him again “Will you tell me what you’re prattling about or not?”

Thumping steps made Loki turn as Fandral all but stumbled towards him, his face pale.

“His name is not Lord Halvor” he gasped, crouching before Loki, wide eyed “That’s Princess Hela, Crowned Princess of England”

Loki felt his mouth fall open just as more cheers announced Thor’s charge towards Halvor – nay, _Hela_.

“Oh God” Loki whispered

Both of them rode forward, lances pointed ahead, ready to hurl the other off their steed.

But just as Loki’s breath caught in his throat, both of them slowed down and raised their lances upwards to jog past one another

Hela finished the match

And Thor won the joust.

There were confused noises from those watching, then cheers once Thor’s colors were lifted.

Ribbons flew through the air and his flags were waved about, spectators stomped their feet in his victory while those who had gambled and won, collected from those who gambled and lost.

Thor beamed at that when he saw it.

His win was celebrated, but not for long because ‘Sir Halvor’ rode along to stand before Loki – and pulled ‘his’ helmet off.

Cheers for Thor turned to shocked gasps when they saw the woman in front of Loki, giving him the brightest smile possible, then more horrified acclamations followed when she was _recognized_.

Princess Hela of England stood before him, looking up at Loki.

Everyone fell into a kneel, including Loki, who was sure that this was it for their realm.

“Your husband’s a noble man” Hela’s resonating voice said

Had there been any doubt that she was a royal, it was gone now.

“I would be honored if I was allowed to stay the rest of the tournament as a guest” she said “it is the least you could go after nearly caving my chest in”

“Of – Of course” Loki breathed, looking at the flooring of the stands he was in “anything you want, your Highness”

***

There was a painting of the royal family Loki had liked when he started hosting the jousts and Hela’s face was clear on it.

It had been in the feasting hall for years and when she entered, everyone did a quick comparison, then bowed before her as she passed to take her place with Loki on the dais.

If Thor had thought Loki was tense before, it was nothing compared to now.

The feasting hall was nearly bursting as everyone tried to get a look at her.

As their future Queen, sitting there, so casually, with Loki.

And Thor, who had a triumphant look about him.

He’d regained Balder’s lost honor at the hands of Sir Halvor and shown he was a contender in the political world if it ever came to that.

No one was friends with the royal family. Now, it seemed he and Loki were.

“I do apologize” Hela leaned to Loki “I swear I didn’t want to reveal who I was but a nosey little busy body managed to see me without my helm and went to announce it to his Knight”

Loki looked at her, chagrined “I – I am so sorry…”

“Do try and relax” Hela placed her hand over his “I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable in your own home. It was why I always hid behind the armor”

“Oh” Loki said, breathing out to calm himself “It’s just that…”

“I have been coming here for years, Loki” Hela smiled “I wouldn’t have if I didn’t already love this tournament. Your people and this Isle are one of a kind.”

“I …” Loki began “I confess, had I known…”

“You would have done everything possible to ensure I was comfortable” Hela finished “you already did that. And you let me keep my place in the jousting even though you didn’t know who I was. I think you can relax. Breathe out”

She poked his side and made Loki huff out a breath, then laugh.

He shook his head “Apologies, it’s just that I have never dealt with royalty so directly”

“I am still the same” Hela said “please do not treat me differently”

“Aye, apologies, I was just taken aback” Loki said

Thor was having his drink and chatting with Fandral, who was far too tense and Loki stood a little of what Hela said.

She’d likely come here to escape her life for a little while.

He could sympathize.

Once the music started, Loki began to relax and talking to Hela became easy when she started to recall the previous jousts to him.

A few high ranking people dared to come and greet her but didn’t do much else. Her ladies were around her, too, Loki realized. All of them had been disguised as men.

Clever, Loki had to admit.

Very, very clever indeed.

She started to tell him how she escaped her father each year, telling him she was going on a retreat, and how she had built up and thought of Sir Halvor. She entered other tournaments but this had been her favorite and she’d become loyal to it.

“I do hope you won’t stop me from competing in the future” Hela looked at him “It’s a great way to relieve stress”

“Is it?” Loki looked surprised “Truly? Violence?”

“Well, what other way to get out all the pent up rage I have year long?” Hela grinned “you should try it. I am sure you have lots”

She nodded to Fjolvar, who immediately looked away from Loki.

“I see the way he eyes you.” she said “it cannot be easy”

“I don’t think I will have to worry about that for long” Loki snickered “you scared him very well just by looking at him. And your skill with the sword is wonderful, I have never seen anything like that before”

“Well, he’s better” Hela gestured to Thor a little enviously “He didn’t even touch that fat tub of guts in the ring earlier. He just…let him lose”

“Aye, that was fun to watch” Loki laughed, a wicked little gleam in his eyes “It was nice to see him be taken down a peg or two”

“Or ten, you think he can have two pegs hold him up?” Hela joked.

Loki snorted, then put a hand over his mouth “Forgive me”

“Please” Hela rolled her eyes “I have seen and heard worse here, remember”

Loki blushed, but enjoyed himself after that.

Hela was good company.

He was sure the excitement of the day would last till the dawn hours so he excused himself early. Hela did the same.

She was given a much better room with private quarters for her ladies, which she really appreciated, a few doors down from Loki’s chambers.

Those had been reserved for Angrboda but now that Hela was here, he could sleep in the halls easily.

Loki was awfully chatty and slightly tipsy, Thor noticed. Under the strain, he was sure he would have been the same.

He was sure that word would spread about Hela but nothing could stop that.

Once they made sure she was comfortable, Thor and Loki went to Loki’s room silently. Loki let them in, then looked at Thor, his expression guarded.

Thor studied him soundlessly.

“Aye?”

Loki’s expression softened “Thank you”

Thor blinked “For…what?”

“For bringing back Balder’s honor” he said “everyone called him a coward, I didn’t want that to stay no matter how things were between us”

Thor smiled and walked over to cup his cheek, then stroked it with his thumb.

“I would never do anything to hurt you” Thor said “even if it’s through someone else, aye?”

Loki’s cheeks flushed and he closed his eyes, then turned his head to kiss Thor’s palm, which sent tingles through him.

“She was right” he said “you are noble”

Loki stepped back, then went to the bathing chambers after taking his nightwear.

This had been a long day.

He needed rest.

Thor looked after him, then his lips curved into a smile and he touched the spot Loki had kissed.

He was looking forward to tomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyy! I actually uploaded!
> 
> Sorry for the delay. There were a bunch of factors that made me this late but I am still excited for you to read!!!!
> 
> Now I have 51 comments to reply to yeesk


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki bit his lip and raised his eyes to him again before he shook his head  
“No” he whispered “I do not wish you to stop”  
“Good” Thor’s arms slide sensually around him “because I don’t want to stop, either”  
Loki’s breath caught in his throat a moment before Thor bent his head and captured his lips beneath his own

With Hela attending the jousts, the stakes were higher. Knights who had fought against her in the past were wary, those who were looking for a chance to get commissioned by the future Queen, competed with their future in mind.

The buzz around the Isle was louder, more excited, filled with energy and was more active than ever before.

It was a nice change, Thor smiled, waking up to people already talking and to the knowledge that their new Queen was staying in their home. It made everyone more careful and proficient in their every day tasks, too.

But what pleased Loki the most was how Sir Byleistr had magically vanished the moment word spread that Hela was here, already fast friends with Loki. He’d given no reason, just left a letter for Loki to read, which Loki hadn’t opened, then taken his men and vanished.

It was still there, now, this sweet morning, as Thor and Loki had their breakfast broth again, it brought color to Loki’s pale cheeks as they sat before the fire.

It was colder than it had been before, winter truly was here.

Thor found Loki pressed against him in the night more often now. He also found that, on occasion, Loki’s feet were startlingly cold in the morning. He’d often sneak them up Thor’s trousers at the hem whenever he felt cold at night

It jolted Thor awake but Loki felt calmer so Thor tolerated it.

For someone who lived here his whole life, Loki was very prone to getting cold. He had his hands wrapped around his keg of broth, a thick shawl on him and yet he still looked like he was shivering. Thor had a fur around him, too, but he didn’t feel as cold.

And the fire was dimming, the wood for it still not here.

“Loki” Thor opened his arms “Come here, I will warm you till the fire place is working properly”

It was a testament of how cold he was that Loki put his keg away to come without protest – or blushing too much. Thor moved to make space for Loki in his seat and then wrapped his arms around him, fur and all.

He attributed it to the bath Loki took that morning

Loki curled against him, and closed his eyes

“Thank you”

“It is nothing” Thor smiled “But you are welcome”

Loki set his head on Thor’s shoulder and snuck his feet under Thor’s thigh as he sat there.

“I love winters but sometimes I get cold”

“Truly?” Thor looked at him “I didn’t notice. Hold the fur closed, I am taking a sip of broth”

Loki hissed in annoyance but obeyed, holding the fur as Thor slipped a hand out to have a sip of his broth.

“What about me?” Loki asked “My broth is there, too”

“You will have it by using your magical object moving powers then?” Thor asked

“No, I will have it by asking my magical object moving false husband” Loki said “share, please”

Thor smiled when Loki lifted his head and extended the keg, letting him sip from it, then pulling it away when Loki hummed.

“Blessed”

Thor smiled.

He and Loki finished both the kegs of broth that way and then came the nasty part that Loki despised.

He had to move.

“Why must I?” he asked Thor

“Well,” Thor began “you host a mighty joust. Today is the final day and you have the ceremony to start. After that, the people will slowly begin to leave and we can get to our usual life”

“They won’t leave till winter lets up” Loki told him “and once or twice, it will rain so I will have to get shelter.”

“Perhaps have the Knights prepare for that” Thor said “I am sure with Princess Hela here, it can be achieved.”

Loki thought about it for a second “Aye…that is a good idea”

“You look surprised”

“Of course, usually it is I who has the good ideas” Loki sat up against him “alright, let us move and start making shelters for the upcoming rains”

Thor groaned but allowed him to leave, even enjoying the chill that hit his body once Loki left. Today was going to be an exciting day, after all.

He dressed for the day while the fireplace was relit and the windows closed so that the room warmed up nicely.

He was combing his hair and frowned when he smelled something

“Is the…fire scented?”

“Aye,” Loki laughed “I put in cinnamon so it makes the room smell good”

“Clever” Thor combed his hair back and studied his beard.

He didn’t need a shave, at least not for today, which was a good thing considering how cold it was. He changed and came back out to see Loki putting his cape on.

His cape – Thor’s

And Loki hadn’t even noticed. He was trying to figure out the button at the front and Thor saw the exact moment he realized his mistake.

“Oye, I am colder than I previously thought” Loki took it off and brought it to him “this belongs to you”

Thor smiled a little “It suited you”

He did however put it on so they could go out. It was rude to keep Hela waiting for longer than she’d already waited.

He put on his glove and once Loki was ready, put an arm around his waist and led him out.

Loki leaned against him just a little and enjoyed their walk towards the princess, the future Queen.

***

With the discovery of Hela in the Isle, the joust came to a disappointing end, unexpected end. Thor wasn’t surprised, the Knights all refused to fight against their Princess and without lifting a lance again, Hela was announced a winner and given the solid gold trophy.

She refused, of course, choosing to give it to the Knight who was second in victory. The gesture seemed to lift Loki’s spirits, who hadn’t been very impressed with the blatant flattery of the contending knights and warriors. They had come to fight but had been eager to get rid of their status as fighters when Hela became known.

“It is so clearly sexist” Loki said over dinner the same night

Thor, who sat opposite, cocked his head to the side in confusion and looked at him, wondering what and where Loki’s logic was

“How?” he asked after a moment

“Had he been a Prince, everyone would have taken their lances up against her” Loki stabbed his veal “they would have decided to prove their mettle against him. They hadn’t done that with Hela, even though all of them wanted to fight against Halvor”

Alright, Thor conceded, he had a point.

“Aye but no one wanted to injure their future Queen”

“They were happy to injure her when they thought she was a man” Loki pointed his fork at him “you, included. You also forget she is better than all of them”

“Not all of them” Thor sat up a little bit straighter “you forget, I am the one who defeated her”

“Right…” Loki took his bite “and caused all this. So should you really be gloating?”

Thor felt his mouth part as he looked at him “Gloating? I was…”

“Try not to gape, dear, you look like a fish” Loki smiled

His eyes twinkled with mischief and Thor narrowed his own. This was a teasing little brat.

But he liked this side of Loki, he really did. He’d become withdrawn after their kiss but now, he seemed to be opening up. He knew Hela had a lot to do with it, because her presence would now make this Isle ten times more profitable.

He enjoyed that thought, of seeing Loki happy.

He smiled more often and he even responded to Thor’s touches now. He leaned against him when they walked, on occasion, when Thor kissed his cheek, he would linger, his green eyes looked to Thor as though wanting just a little more.

And sometimes Thor wanted to.

However, he found his gaze going to Sif more often than not now since she’d made a slow return back to the halls.

Things were clearly still frosty between her and Loki, mostly because Loki refused to speak to her directly, but hopefully they would get better. She was his best warrior, after all.

Tonight, after their dinner finished, Thor excused himself while Loki sat down to read and went for a walk. He knew Sif took one every night and he wanted to speak to her.

He followed the path she normally took and saw her figure in the distance, leaning against a tree. She looked alone and cold even though she had a shawl around her shoulders. It was still cold and Thor had his coat around him, which billowed a little in the air as he walked towards her, being loud enough for her to hear and not be surprised.

He saw the moment she heard him because her shoulders tensed, but when she glanced at him, illuminated by the moonlight, she relaxed.

“My lord” she bowed her head “what brings you here?”

Thor gave her a smile but noted her guarded air. He realized that whatever was happening between them was gone. His attraction to her was going to reap nothing and he smiled.

“I came to speak to you” he said “what are you doing here alone?”

Sif knew why he was here but she shrugged “Trying to relax enough to sleep, I guess”

Thor stopped beside her and saw her view granted her a stunning image of the sea. He stood quietly for a few minutes, then Sif sighed

“I am sorry” she told him “for keeping it from you. I do not know you well enough and had I told you, chances of it getting to Loki were great.”

“I understand” Thor told her

“And he would have ended our friendship sooner than he’d done” Sif elaborated “Even though I was a mediocre friend to him”

Thor glanced at her, then to the sea again “Self pity does not suit you, my lady. I haven’t been here long but from what I gather, there was little between Balder and Loki. There was more between Balder and this land”

Sif smiled “He did love these lands. He craved taking care of them and despite his faults, he cared for Loki. Just…as a brother”

Thor winced “Makes sense as to why they…didn’t act as a married couple does”

“Aye” Sif exhaled, then shook her head “God’s blood, I was naïve. I tried my best to be careful and yet I still hurt him. I was a fool”

“We’re all fools in love” Thor replied “some of us more than others. You suffered a loss, too, Loki wasn’t the only one. He’s just…too young to understand these things”

“He’s old enough” Sif looked at him “He’s just sensitive.”

“And fears abandonment” Thor told him “yet cannot help but give in to the affection he receives. But feels guilty about it”

Sif snickered “You’ve trapped yourself in a nice, complicated little place, then”

“Hardly trapped” Thor smiled “I rather like it here. And he’s very sweet”

“That he is”

Silence feel between them and they listened to the roaring ocean, listening to it crash against the rocks and mountains that made this Isle.

“I might take to the sea for a few months” Sif said suddenly

Thor looked at her, his expression surprised “What?”

“Aye” Sif inhaled deeply “my ship is readied, I will just take it away after the next shipments, pirate the seas and return when I think it is fit”

“You’re leaving” Thor whispered “Because of this?”

“It would be unfair to Loki if I stayed and took from his lands” she said “besides, Fandral can handle everything and now that you’re here my urgency is less required. Then once I return, things will be well again”

“Sif…” Thor began

“I think I will go to bed”

Thor looked at her, taken aback, his expression unhappy.

She knew he’d been hoping for something between them but she wouldn’t do that to Loki and she was sure Thor wouldn’t either.

“Farewell, my lord”

She did lean over and place a gentle kiss on his lips, it truly felt like a goodbye and Thor closed his eyes for the longest moment.

When he opened them again, Sif was gone.

And he was left looking at the seas all by himself.

***

Sif’s departure echoed throughout the Isle.

They didn’t know why she left, but since she’d told a few that she had gone to survey lands and take a break, they didn’t question it.

Loki knew why she left and he knew why Thor had been so silent. It was clear he’d wanted to be with her but it wasn’t meant to be. At least not now.

Both Hela and Sif has done within a week’s difference between each other and that left the Isle somewhat in an anti climatic space.

The Knights were slowly leaving with their winnings and those who elected to stay were given rooms, beds and boards by the residents. It gave the locals a small earning and their guests were given good food and a warm bed.

Loki was finally able to relax and with Fandral overlooking everything, he didn’t have much to deal with.

Thor was on his rush bed on the floor once more and Loki had his books and his peace.

Or so he thought.

His eyes kept going to Thor, who lay there awake, looking at Loki’s ceiling. He looked forlorn and Loki was caught between speaking to him or letting him be. He honestly didn’t know which option was better.

He tried to read but his chest felt heavier and heavier until he put the book down to look at him

“Thor?”

Thor blinked, startled from his thoughts and sat up to look at him “Yes?”

“Are you alright?” Loki asked

“I am” Thor said carefully “why do you ask?”

“You just look…brooding and distant” Loki sat up too, looking towards him for an answer.

“Just having some trouble sleeping” Thor smiled “it happens sometimes, nothing too serious”

“May I help?”

Thor shook his head kindly “Nay, but thank you for the offer”

He lay back down and Loki did, too, turning to the other side, his eyes closed

“You miss her, do you not?”

Thor was a little slow to respond “Who are you talking about, Loki?”

“Sif” Loki kept his gaze on the ceiling “she was close, likely your only friend here. And I drove her away”

Thor frowned a little, then let out a slow breath

“Loki, what happened was not your fault” Thor told him “you did not drive her away, it was her own choice, as it was her choice to…to do what did. You had no hand in it. Aye, I do miss her but I do not and will not blame you for her departure”

Loki wouldn’t lie, it felt relieving to hear that and he smiled a little.

Thor hadn’t blamed him. At least he knew he wasn’t going to be considered a villain in this scenario.

But he wasn’t a friend, he realized.

“Now I ask you why you’re brooding”

Loki turned his head to where Thor was.

“Was she truly your only friend?”

Ah, Thor realized.

That was what he was brooding about

“Nay, Loki, I have more”

“Am I among them?” Loki asked bluntly “Or does your obligation make you spend time with me”

“Obligation is the last thing that would be the reason for why I spend time with you, Loki” Thor replied “I enjoy your company. I look forward to our long walks – they are therapeutic and help me relax at the end of the day”

“Is it taxing?” Loki asked

“In a good way” Thor smiled “It makes me feel valid, makes me feel as though I have done something useful other than being the vagabond I have been known for being”

“You’re hardly that” Loki lay on his back again “Thor, you’ve hardly told me about yourself”

“You are truly not tired, are you?”

Loki winced “Apologies. Am I keeping you awake?”

As a response, Thor groaned and sat up, looking at him.

“This is the time you normally sneak out to get food, aye?”

Loki blinked at him, surprised, then blushed “I have never done that”

Thor snorted “Of course”

He pushed his covers off and stood

“Since I am feeling fully awake and you are hungry, let us raid the kitchens, come back, sit before the fire and talk till we sleep” Thor grinned “I feel it will be a wonderful way to spend our time”

Loki thought about it, torn between having this little adventure or sticking to his pride and not confessing his greatest secret that Thor clearly knew.

It didn’t take him long to get out from under the covers and pull on his coat. Thor did the same and the two walked out.

Loki shivered at the freezing halls “God, I forgot the chill”

Thor put his arm around him and pulled him closer “There”

He’d offered him his warmth but Loki slid into his coat with him, making them one unit.

Thor was surprised, but other than a soft laugh, he didn’t say anything.

It was sweet

They walked as one unit towards the kitchens and immediately, Loki went to where he had seen some of the left over dinner before

“For someone who has never done this, you clearly know where they store the best food” Thor teased

“I own this manor, of course I know everything” Loki said

Thor looked around for and found some plates while Loki for the rice and vegetables that had been served tonight.

He gave him a plate and then one for his own

“How are they warm?” Thor asked

“Look” Loki gestured to the heart they were on, the fire keeping them nice and toasty

“The staff eats these for breakfast so they do this” Loki explained “very clever”

“Convenient for thieving little lords, too”

“I cannot be a thieving lord because I own everything here” Loki replied smoothly “so there you are”

They gathered their desired food and went to Loki’s rooms again, thanking the warmth of the fire when they settled before it

“Alright” Thor set down some of the spiced mead he’d seen placed in the kitchens “what do you wish to know?”

“Everything” Loki set his plate on the floor and looked at him expectantly “whatever you wish to tell me”

Thor thought about it for a second “There isn’t much to tell. I travelled a lot. I have seen many, many different lands. Some of them are kind, others are not. I have learnt that people will make the place you choose to live in welcome or unwelcome, depending on how much and what they tolerate”

“Have you experienced intolerance?” Loki asked

“I am a bounty hunter, who goes from land to land, herding criminals” Thor smiled “I rarely see anything but”

Loki winced “That’s very cruel. Were you not capturing criminals in the lands you stayed at?”

“Aye” Thor replied “but they see me as the same criminals I capture. It was different with Balder – he was a knight and I am not”

“I said before, the only difference is a title” Loki looked at him “but I fear many people do not think so”

“Aye, they don’t” Thor smiled “but what matters is what I am seeing kindness here, even if it is not for me”

It was for Balder. He was sure that if he ever revealed himself for who he was things would change very quickly for him.

It seemed to make things silent between them until Thor started his own questions

“Have you found any intriguing recipes for your book?” he asked

Loki blinked at him, surprised “How did you know I was writing a book?”

Thor nodded to his desk “I was sitting there to tie my boots when I saw your notes for your manuscript. I didn’t mean to pry, I just saw what you had scribbled down. It was very easy to read even for someone like me”

“Oh” Loki blushed – his cheeks prickled a little “thank you, I admit I never had anyone read my work before. It feels very nice to hear”

Thor shrugged a shoulder “You’re a good writer. Have you thought of a name for the book?”

“Oh, no not yet” Loki looked into his food “I am focusing on writing at the moment. It is the hardest part”

“Truly?” Thor smiled “I thought with your vocabulary, it would be the easiest thing to do”

“I thought the same” Loki took a bite of his food “I over estimated my abilities. Now I suffer”

Thor grinned, then laughed and shook his head “Oh, Loki…”

His cheeks hurt a little from smiling and he pushed his vegetables around before eating them.

“You know, I always thought I couldn’t have this” Thor told him “A home. And I cannot thank you enough for giving it to me. Even if it is not mine”

“It is yours, in a way” Loki told him “Fate has a strange way of working, I believe. It granted me hope through you, and you a home. Neither of us thought that we would gain what we have but we did. Even though the cost was high.”

“I understand” Thor replied “I wish we met in different circumstances, as well. Happier ones”

Loki looked at his food, his midnight obsession with it.

“Aye”

He took a bite of the food and looked to the flames.

“Have you ever had a near death experience?” Loki asked

“I have had a few” Thor said “I was shot in the chest with an arrow, that was painful. And I went over a cliff, once, that was because the grass was slippery and I was at the top of a steep slope. It was only luck that I managed to grab the edge and not fall to my death”

Loki winced “That sounds horrible. I had one, too. it was when my laboratory was ablaze and I tried foolishly to go in. poisonous fumes exploded inside and had Balder not stopped me, I would have inhaled the toxic fumes and likely perished. It’s not as adventurous as yours but still valid enough, I hope”

Thor smirked “A slow death, it would have been, and that’s much worse”

“Perhaps” Loki had another bite of his food “but isn’t life a slow death, in a way?”

“Loki, it’s past midnight and we are eating” Thor said dryly “I hardly think this is the time for philosophy”

He saw the way Loki blushed and laughed

“I tease, it is alright” he snickered “but aye, life is a slow death and thus painful. To some, it’s more painful than it is to others, but you are right”

“I think so, too” Loki said

He set his plate down

“Tell me of your adventures again”

Thor smiled slowly “As you wish. I have not told you about the time Balder and I were ambushed by gypsies”

Loki shook his head and leaned forward “No, you have not yet. Please tell me”

Thor, of course, did.

He spent hours talking to him, sitting before the fire, wide awake, talking to Loki about everything and anything that came to his mind, everything that Loki asked.

In the morning, both of them stifled their yawns but refusing to go to bed.

The rains were shelters were still to be completed and the rains were getting closer.

So, dressed and polished, both Loki and Thor walked out together, heading into the main part of the Isle so they could overlook what was happening.

By Loki’s expertise, it showed that when they were close, things had a way of happening more efficiently

Nothing to do with incompetence, more with laziness, Loki explained to him

And a likely freedom to cheat, too.

They surveyed the shelters, going inside them and out, giving them to the families or knights willing to ride the cold weather with them.

There were only a few left and Loki hissed when he saw the logs and straw placed about

“These will be ruined if the rains come before they are finished” Loki told him “they have to move faster”

“You’d think that they would do more” Thor said “but they move at a normal human pace, how glacial”

Loki turned to glower at him “You’re despicable, Thor”

Both of then tensed and Loki looked at him, stricken

“Balder” he said quickly “You’re despicable, _Balder_”

Thor discreetly looked around but other than a few workers, no one of consequence was around. And those who were, hardly listened to Loki.

Loki, however, looked stricken and Thor walked over, putting an arm around him

“Breathe” he instructed “we’re in the clear, no one heard you”

“I’m so sorry” Loki whispered “I didn’t…”

“It is alright” Thor placed a kiss to his temple “If you panic, you will attract attention, so breathe and calm yourself”

Loki nodded and inhaled deeply while Thor rubbed up and down his back

“It will be alright” Thor gave him an encouraging look “do you see me panicking? Nay, so stay calm”

Loki ran a hand through his hair and looked around, smiling at a few women who waved at him. He returned the gesture and then let Thor walk him away, pretending they were still surveying.

“I have become far too careless” Loki said as they moved past the supplies and towards a completed home “far too careless. I will not do that again”

“Well, if you intend to call me Balder in private, please refrain” Thor said just to him “I rather like the real me when we are alone”

Loki opened the door to the house they reached and looked around

The thatched roof blocked all the light from entering, which meant no water would get in, either.

“They have done an excellent job” Loki spun a little “not a speck of light”

Thor closed the door behind him and smiled “Aye, only from the windows”

“I think it is enough” Loki told him “I might have these reinforced and made into homes for people, in case some wish to have them. Or use them for grain storage”

“You will have to change the shapes for that and get rid of this”

He scuffed the grass with his foot

“It adds a nice touch but would be an excellent home for mice”

“I agree” Loki went to touch the walls “I always marvel at their building. It’s temporary but so firm and sturdy”

Thor walked over to him and felt the wall, too. The wood was thick and hard to the touch.

“This the wood you grow here?” he questioned

“Aye, we grow it at the back of the Isle” Loki told him “I plan on sealing the way to Byliestr’s home with them so I never see him again”

“Why not knock him unconscious and plant these around him so he can never get out?” Thor suggested

Loki snorted “He will turn into smoke and mist and sneak through”

“You think him a sorcerer?” Thor laughed

“Nay, Lucifer himself” Loki moved away “I despise him”

“I can tell”

Thor followed and Loki stopped at the door again

“I sometimes wish I could do harm to him” Loki looked at him when he turned about “but he’s made himself into a nightmare for me, I can hardly think of hurting him”

“You have me to hurt him” Thor reminded Loki “use me as a shield or a sword. People like him disgust me and it will give me great pleasure if you allowed me to run him through with a blade”

“Thor…” Loki said in warning

“Or feed him to wolves, I am sure there are some here”

“Thor”

“On second thought, I do not think it would be wise to give wolves rotten meat” Thor smiled when Loki’s stern expression melted into a laugh

“You are incorrigible” Loki told him “but I do not mind”

“You mean to say you like it” Thor smirked, looking devilish

“Nay, I merely do not mind. I said nothing else”

“How cruel” Thor moved a little closer “even as I serve you”

A thrill of unexplainable excitement suddenly went through Loki, one he hadn’t really felt before and he looked at Thor as he neared

“Serve me?” Loki arched a brow “How so?”

“So forgetful you are” Thor stopped before him “what am I doing here?”

They were close, the door behind Loki, Thor before him, it was…well, it was a little harder to breathe than it had been before, but in a good way.

In a way that made him go back to when he’d kissed Thor before and his breath quickened a little.

“You’re examining a home with me” Loki looked at his eyes

His hair, so gold and rough, looked soft. His hard face relaxed, tempered with affection Loki always found there and something else.

Something Thor himself had only felt for Sif.

It confused him, but seeing Loki so intimately pressed to the door, their easy company with each other and the fact that Loki wasn’t running off, all made the feelings and sentiments he felt possible.

“I am doing something else, too” Thor told him “I am thinking about asking you for a kiss”

Loki’s blush painted his cheeks and he looked down.

“You have to ask?”

“I do not wish to impose” Thor took another step closer “so tell me if you have other thoughts and I will cease this. Do you want me to stop?”

Did he? Loki wondered

He might have, he couldn’t understand why now. No real reason presented itself at the moment.

All his mind thought off was arching towards Thor and taking what he offered. All that pointed towards him not engaging with Thor was suddenly no more.

He felt and thought of, sensed and felt only Thor and the desire to have him just a little closer.

Loki bit his lip and raised his eyes to him again before he shook his head

“No” he whispered “I do not wish you to stop”

“Good” Thor’s arms slide sensually around him “because I don’t want to stop, either”

Loki’s breath caught in his throat a moment before Thor bent his head and captured his lips beneath his own

***

Loki felt as if his senses were heightened, he felt everything, especially the feel of Thor’s lips against his own.

The slide of their clothes together, the gasp that escaped him when Thor pressed him even closer.

And the feel of Thor’s muscled form beneath his palms as he ran his hands around his shoulders to latch behind his neck.

His eyes fluttered closed and he moaned softly. The sound was gentle, a whisper between them and Thor groaned in response. He moved his lips from Loki’s to bite his neck, feeling his body tense in pleasure and surprise before he relaxed, he tipped his head back. Thor kissed the mark he’d made.

His own large hands went down Loki’s back to his bottom, squeezing it as they kissed. It made Loki’s face flush

He arched up against him, kissing Thor’s jaw and giving no protest as he was lowered onto the grass below.

It was soft, chilly and tickled Thor’s palms when he rested his hands on it, on either side of Loki as they kissed. Loki’s own hands were around his neck, his lips kissing Thor’s.

Their soft groans filled the empty house and the only light that came in from a window gave them a gentle glow. Particles of dust flew from the grass as they moved, illuminated by the beams of sunlight the window let in and added to the magic Thor felt from Loki.

He kissed down his neck, over his chest, kissing what silk Loki wore and felt him shiver.

“Thor…” Loki breathed “come back up…”

His eyes were closed in bliss and his hair splayed out beneath his head, giving him a stunning allure that Thor couldn’t resist.

He obeyed, moved up to kiss him again but his hands were at Loki’s belt.

He tugged on it in askance and Loki’s eyes opened, looking into his own.

There was loneliness in both their gazes, both of them were looking for something and it clicked to him then that perhaps…even though they were caught between lies, this could be something they shared.

Loki smiled slowly, his hands slid down his own body to rest over Thor’s and he undid that belt buckle for him.

Loki shivered when he felt Thor slip of off his waist and toss it aside. He bit his lip, looking at him and seeing what a man he truly was.

Stronger, harder, than Balder had been but so soft and tender inside. He touched Loki like he was precious and looked at him like he wanted to devour him.

It sent excited shivers down his back.

“You’re so beautiful” Thor stroked his cheek “Like a siren”

Loki blushed and looked away “Hardly”

Thor kissed his neck and pulled his trousers down and off. He moved between his legs and Loki began to pant a little faster, writhing beneath him ever so slightly.

His hands touched, Loki’s pulled, pulled at his clothes till his shirt was divested, pulled at his hair when Thor slipped his fingers into him. He gasped, his head falling back, whimpers escaped his lips and he moaned.

His hips bucked to Thor’s ministrations

Thor’s body felt alive, he kissed his neck, his shoulders, his lips, feeling him clench around his fingers.

Loki had never felt this before. It made him gasp out words Thor didn’t understand, it made him cry, tears slid down his cheeks and he wept in pleasure. He was slick and ready but Thor wanted him to release first. He wanted him to feel this.

This pleasure was Loki’s.

He crooked his fingers inside him and Loki’s back arched, his mouth hung open and he let out a shuddering cry.

His nails dug into Thor’s back, raking down his skin as he reached deeper and found that special spot within Loki.

“Thor!”

Loki’s body tensed when Thor rubbed his sweet spot and he sobbed, his eyes closed, fell back and took it.

But only barely.

It was so damn good, he couldn’t believe.

He panted and cried out, his gasps filled the room, his hands slid over and pulled at the grass.

It was fantastic, Thor would never forget how he looked.

And then he released, so beautifully, the sounds he made so sensuous and soft, the lift of his hips against Thor’s hand and the spill that fell into Thor’s fingers, told him he was done.

Loki whispered and breathed a litany of words Thor couldn’t piece together enough to understand but it didn’t matter.

He knew what that meant.

It had been fantastic, for him and for Loki.

Loki closed his eyes, panting as he came down from the pleasure high he’d been brought to and Thor levered himself over him, kissing his neck and cheek.

He wiped his hand clean on his discarded shirt and then pulled Loki into his arms. He kissed his temple, smiling when Loki limply stroked Loki’s arm

“What did you do to me?” he whispered

Thor smiled “Well, they don’t have a word elegant enough for it so I will not speak”

Loki laughed and opened his eyes to look at the beam of light.

“You’re an idiot”

“A very good idiot” Thor nuzzled his cheek “now get up, my lord. We must sneak to the manor”

Loki whined and looked at him “Why?”

“Because I can hear people outside and the door has not been locked”

That got Loki to move, albeit reluctantly and very slowly. They redressed and Loki winced at the grass stains on his clothes and the…other stain on his cloak.

“You couldn’t have moved that?” he asked Thor

“And left you with bugs in your arse?”

Loki grimaced, disgusted, then fixed himself “Such romantic talk”

Thor laughed and couldn’t resist slapping Loki’s aforementioned arse as they walked out.

Loki hissed in irritation and smacked at him, but it only caused Thor to put his arm around him and walk them through a less crowded path towards the manor.

And Loki had to admit, sneaking about the way they were, it was a little exciting.

He’d never had this with Balder, this intimacy, this…joyfulness. There were happy moments and content moments.

Never this teasing, never _this_.

He liked it

And even though this was likely wrong, he couldn’t bring himself to regret it.

At least not for now.

***

With the joust behind them, Loki now focused on his laboratory. The materials that had been waiting to be used were finally lifted from their solitary and taken to be used.

At first, people were hesitant to help but when Thor himself began to move them, they started to join.

It was the first time Thor heard that people were wary of Loki and his potion making.

It didn’t come as a surprise, but what did surprise him that they seemed reluctant to give Loki a new laboratory. All of them whispered because Thor was there, but he could still hear them, he could hear their voices, their suspicion, their fears about what will happen if Loki was allowed to work again.

To them, things were better without his potions.

To Thor, they didn’t even know half the things Loki had to sacrifice in order for them to live better.

But, all in all, they worked and Thor kept a close eye on them. He didn’t expect them to do something, but in his experience, it was always better to be careful rather than be sorry.

It took the day from him but Thor had the foundation of his laboratory dug and the dirt moved to another location by the end of it.

He gave every man who helped two gold coins and told them to send him the bill for their drinks at the tavern.

That made them happy enough to go home smiling that day.

Thor knew he would have more helpers and soon, Loki would have his work place ready and capable to handle him.

However, something struck him and after they were done, he made his way to where Loki’s old laboratory had been.

It was a little further off than he’d thought, so the walk was a long one, but one he didn’t mind. The landscape was beautiful, there were flowers that he’d never seen before in his life. And among them, the wands of trees and the petals of flowers were the stunning wildlife.

With their chirping, song and dancing, Thor was made aware of how magical this place truly was. It was an anthem of this Isle, the scurrying, the singing and the subtle movements of creatures that were visible only to those who knew where they were all part of the aura of Seidr.

As he walked on the grass became brighter than it was behind him, the buttercups became gold, the leaves turned into a dreamers shade of green, roots became softer, the soil renewed. The birdsongs became louder and Thor frowned, looking behind him to see a clear line of difference between this grass and the one far back.

Hell, even the skies looked bluer.

Thor frowned.

Something was strange here.

He felt rejuvenated, no tiredness in his body from the long walk, his senses appeared heightened, his breathing easier. Troubles he long felt vanished from his shoulders.

No, he was just imagining it, he was sure.

And yet…the proof was there even as he went to where Loki’s workshop had been

There was a bowl of land, large enough to be seen and dipped low enough that it granted Loki the privacy he’d wanted here.

The softer grass, the sweeter wind and the colors so vivid Thor hadn’t imagined all made him shake his head again.

But that was not what caught his eye. There, resting in the middle of the dip in his land, were the remains of what had once been Loki’s laboratory.

There were some stones and pieces of foundation left, but nothing reusable.

He walked towards it and jogged down the slightly steep land.

Sunlight brightened everything in this part of the land. It was _beautiful_

And yet Thor was the only one here.

Other than the invisible creatures there was no other being here. No one in this Isle wanted to be here, that was very odd for him.

He walked forward, towards the remaining foundation and frowned when he saw a fine line of dust floating in the sunlight above the concrete and rocks that stood there.

“What in God’s teeth?”

It sparkled, reflecting the light of the sun, glittering with all sort of colors and hue. The air smelled different, of peach and apricots, if Thor tried putting a name to it. It swirled, the rainbow of colors changing like the beat of a heart, as though it was alive.

Thor shook his head, sure that he was confused.

And yet it rose from the grass he stepped on and rose into the scented air around his feet.

Thor walked even closer and crouched before it, seeing it settled over every inch of the ground here in this bowl of land.

It _whispered_…

Thor’s eyes widened.

It whispered when it moved, or at the very least it sounded like that when the particles of whatever the hell this was, floated before him,

He couldn’t help it.

Thor reached out, extending his hand to where the matter concentrated the most and touched it.

His fingertips tingled with an energy he felt seep into his bones, a second before there was a rush of sound and Thor felt a mighty force zoom towards him and hit him so hard he was thrown back against the ground.

Pain lanced through his body a moment before his eyes closed and, with a groan, Thor lost consciousness.

The last thing he saw, a swirl of light and color come towards him at full speed.

***

Night had fallen when his eyes opened again. No more than a moment ago, the sky had been painted blue and washed white with clouds, there was color everywhere but now, he was in an inky ocean of darkness, with the faintest voices echoing in the distance. The sky had faded to a matte black with sprinkles of stars glimmering upon it.

It was thick, just as the air felt and enveloping him all around. Thor groaned and sat up, feeling his mind swirling inside his head like a thick broth.

There was nothing there, still.

Other than himself and the smothering darkness, there was the chilly air that stung and bit at his skin. He felt it’s harshness through his clothes and the hair on his arms rise in response. The bite felt more than skin deep, he felt bumps rise on his sensitive skin, too. His blood was cold, his bones were chilled.

The grass was damp beneath him, too and he wrapped his arms around him. Slowly, he urged his body to comply and got to his feet, looking backwards, to the way he’d come here.

He could hear people on the other side and began his slow ascent towards the trees again.

Crickets chirped around him as he walked on, his body cold and tired. His vision blurred and he felt as though he would lose consciousness yet again. It just felt so appealing to him, to lay down and not move for hours, to have something warm over him.

His breath was visible under what light distant lights gave him as he walked on, seeing the first glimpse of the torches that marked the edge of the dwelling.

But there were no people, it seemed.

He’d heard them a few moments prior, but now there was not a voice.

His throat felt sore, his head throbbed, he felt sick, too.

“Balder…”

He turned to the side, squinting against the dizziness he felt, seeing globes of torches in the distance.

“Balder!”

To his confused mind, it made no sense, but that voice was familiar. In the coldness, it warmed him and he made his way towards it, stumbling and tripping.

“By the stars, someone get a horse!”

Thor fell over, a pair of arms and a warm body pressed to his own

“You’re freezing” he whispered “God, I thought you were lost!”

Thor groaned again and set his head on the shoulder of the green eyed, black haired man who held him up.

A cloak was put over his shoulders, then the thumping of a fat, chubby horse. Hands helped Thor up and onto Sleipnir’s back, then he felt that warm body climb up before him.

“I am taking him back” Loki said “I will see the healer immediately”

Thor bent forward and leaned against him as Loki took them back, his own face pale.

He was barely awake for the ride home, he was sure he’d passed out again, because when he gained coherence again, he was in warmth.

The familiar drapes of Loki’s bed were in front of him and blessed heat was all around him. His eyes felt heavy, his breathing was strangely voluntary, too. However, the cold was gone, at least.

The damn cold was finally gone.

“Thor?”

It took an effort for him to open his eyes when he felt Loki’s hand upon his brow and look at him.

“You’re awake” Loki sighed in relief “I was so worried. How do you feel?”

“Heavy” Thor whispered, his eyes drooping again “what happened?”

“You vanished” Loki told him “no one knew where you went, we searched for hours”

His thumb stroked Thor’s temple and he moved closer

“Are you alright?”

“I cannot tell you” Thor replied, wanting to sleep “I don’t know what happened…not truly”

“The healer gave you medicine, Prioress sent you some, too” Loki replied “Do you want some bone broth?

He got no answer and realized Thor had fallen asleep again.

Loki sighed and sat back, looking at him. He looked the same to him, neither weak nor pale, but he prayed that it stayed that way, he was still anxious.

He had no idea where Thor had gone or what happened, he had been afraid he’d left the Isle and that had been absolutely crushing. He hadn’t been able to breathe for a few long, agonizing minutes.

Then he’d started the search. Fandral had been there, calming him down and Heimdall, too.

They’d been the ones who had carried Thor the entire way to the chambers. He’d been muttering nonsense about dust and particles and God knew what. Had Loki been alone, it would have taken him hours to do what they helped finish in minutes.

And he was grateful. He would remember to repay them the moment Thor was better.

For now, he brought another fur over, placed it on Thor and got ready for bed, as well.

Today had been a long day.

Loki slept well enough, but he woke multiple times in the night to check on Thor. He’d moved during the night but hadn’t woken, which Loki thought was good, since sleep seemed to have healed him.

However, when he woke, he was alone in bed and yesterdays’ lingering panic made Loki sit up.

Thor was on the balcony, looking down at the Isle. He wore no shirt and Loki blinked, shaking his head at his skin.

Nay, not his skin, he stared at the patterns upon it, resting there like they’d belonged there.

They didn’t

They had never been there before.

There was a line of runes running down Thor’s spine, words and letters Loki had never seen. More, on the crest of his shoulders, settled on his muscles.

Loki put on a robe and got out of bed, frowning as he walked over to him

“Thor?”

Thor turned and Loki found the same lines and runes on his collar bones, then down his arms, stopping a his arms where two Vegvisir were inked into his skin, shadowed and accompanied by three arrow heads pointing towards Thor’s palms.

Loki’s lips parted as he came over, holding his hands in his own and looking at the tattoos.

“What the hell?”

“I don’t know” Thor looked just as apprehensive “But Loki, this happened when I went to where your old lab was. There was something there, you must come with me and see it yourself.”

“Something attacked you…and did this?” Loki asked “Thor, I … am confused.”

“So am I” Thor held his hands “come with me, look at it yourself”

Loki frowned, he was unsure, that was clear, but he nodded.

“Let me change” he turned back to the room “then we can go”

Thor was anxious, he dressed as quickly as possible, forgoing breakfast for the moment. Whatever happened to him in that part of the Isle, he had to know, there had to be some sort of answer there, aye?

Loki was fully dressed, too, and since they both took walks every morning, no one batted an eye at them leaving so soon and so quickly. They didn’t tell anyone, they took Svadilfari and rode through the Isle till they reached that spot.

Thor took Loki’s hand and led him forward, his heart racing.

“Everything here was different” Thor told him “the grass, the birds, hell even the sky was brighter. I know what it sounds like and I don’t expect you to believe me, but that is what happened”

“To be fairly honest” Loki replied, “After seeing these marks on you, I am open to believing anything at this point”

Thor gave his hand a grateful squeeze, then walked forward.

He expected the greenery to brighten and the animals to sing again, but as far as they walked, nothing happened. There was no change, subtle or otherwise.

Thor frowned “I – I don’t understand”

“What?” Loki asked, walking over to the dip in the land that once made his laboratory “what is it?”

“It’s gone” Thor whispered, looking around “there’s nothing here”

And aye, true to what he spoke, the land was the same as it was before, nothing unlike the rest of the Isle.

It was…the same.

***

Once they got back, Thor explained everything to Loki

How, during the digging of his new laboratory, the men got to talking and Thor heard them. They spoke of magic in the land where Loki used to work, about how everyone who had an ailment was cured and people rushed to buy his potions because the area where he worked was cursed.

Of course, Thor hadn’t believed it, but he had wondered if, perhaps, one of these people had set fire to his workshop the first time.

“That was why I left” Thor had some of his eggs and toast “I thought that perhaps there was evidence of arson. If there had been, I would have been much stricter with the security of your new place. I wouldn’t want anything happening that should harm you”

Loki looked at him slowly, his gaze considerably warmer than before and nodded.

“Thank you” he said sincerely “but I am still unhappy that you didn’t get what you were looking for”

“Perhaps there is something in the archives” Thor smiled “ I will say this is odd but not the worst thing to have happened to me”

Loki appreciated how Thor tried to placate him, but he could tell Thor was nervous and likely apprehensive of what had happened. But he said nothing as they had their breakfast.

They’d both agreed to another calmer and more coherent trip to that place and were readying to leave when Vali approached, his gaze somewhat worried.

“There is a man here who wishes to speak to you” he said “to Lord Balder. He says it is an urgent matter”

Thor fixed the collar of his cloak “Tell him I am out with my husband and will see to him later.”

“I said that but he is rather insistent” Vali winced “he keeps sending the staff over, we do not know what to do”

Thor exhaled and mild frustration and Loki pat his arm

“I’ll go with you” he said “we can leave directly from there”

“As you wish” Thor placed a hand over Loki’s “Thank you”

Loki blushed and Vali looked away when Thor bent his head to kiss his lips.

Balder had changed, he truly had, Vali thought. The way he stroked Loki’s cheek with his finger before he backed away, he’d never done that before.

He hadn’t held hands with him much, either.

He guessed it was because of his own near death experience that he felt so. He’d almost lost everything, including Loki.

Of course there would be a need to change and be better deserving.

Vali was happy that this was happening.

He left them, telling them where to expect their new guest and then went about on his duties.

Which, it turned out, was a blessing.

The man was called Lord Ullr. He was tall, his greying hair well groomed, just like the rest of him. His clothes were impeccable and he, himself, looked the part of the rich, influential man that he was.

Even Thor, who’d met his fair share of the gentlepeople, was a little surprised at the level of Lordship that came to his lands.

Loki’s lands…

He walked in and gave him a terse smile.

“Good morning” he opened the door for Loki, too “How do you do, Sir?”

Ullr saw them both, studying them as he poured one of their best wines into his glass and turned to smile at them.

“Good morning, lords. My name is Ullr” he beamed “I hope I am not disturbing you too much”

“We were having breakfast but I thought we could listen to what you had to say since, you are so adamant” Thor closed the door “speak, my lord, how can I help you Lord Ullr?”

Ullr took a long, drawn out sip of his wine and made a show of studying Thor carefully, ignoring Loki for the moment.

“My, it’s one of God’s miracles, is it not?” he asked “I’ve always thought so”

Thor closed his eyes and took a deep breath for patience.

“State your demand, my husband and I are in a rush, my lord” Thor said as evenly as he could at the moment

Ullr smirked “You look just like him, no wonder they are not rebelling”

Loki, who’d been watching him, tensed. His heart began to race and he could feel the color slowly drain from his face.

Thankfully, Thor was more level headed.

“I have no idea what you mean” he growled “If you have no desire to say what you came here for, I must ask you to leave”

“Oh, I wouldn’t do that if I were you” Ullr smiled “You should be very careful around me Thor, I am not someone you should cross”

Loki felt his stomach drop and he clenched his hands tightly, but Thor barely showed any signs of what he felt inside.

Loki almost envied his control.

“Ah” he walked over to Ullr “I see what happened. I regret to inform you…”

“No, I am not mistaken” Ullr waved him off “I have done my research and let me tell you, again, I am not someone you should cross”

He did hand Thor his empty glass when he came over and walked past him.

“I know Balder is dead” he told them “I know that you’re pretending to be him to keep this Isle and this young man safe. I know you are a bounty hunter, I know you have a few arrest warrants on your head, which you are likely trying to get rid of by hiding here. I know you are living with Loki as his false husband, in a false, out of wedlock relationship…more than that, I know that I can prove all that by a mere removal of the glove on your left hand and everyone will see the truth”

Loki glared at him as he approached and stayed still and tense when Ullr circled behind him, his aura dangerous.

“See, with a man of my influence and power can easily let that information become public” Ullr moved around to stand beside Loki “and your beloved people will rebel. They will throw you out of his Isle and this…”

He raised a hand and stroked Loki’s jaw, laughing when Loki smacked his hand away, his gaze hostile and apprehensive.

“Little thing…will be in trouble”

Thor’s eyes were cold as he looked at him, his jaw grit at the audacity of this man.

“What do you want?” he rasped, moving to stand between him and Loki “say it and get out”

“Aye, see, that is where you’re mistaken, Thor” he took the glass again, going to pour himself some more “I will not be able to leave until I have you with me”

Thor frowned “I beg your pardon?”

Ullr threw back the drink he’d poured, then faced him

“I am being blackmailed” he told him “I have a few suspects but nothing too concrete”

“Why not go to the Runners?” Thor asked “they help your likes easily”

“Tis not a matter the Runners should be involved in” Ullr told him “I require a man of your precise skillset, nothing less.”

Thor’s hands clenched and he longed to strangle him.

He wanted to hurl him from the highest cliff and yet…yet, he had Thor caught. If even one man here believed him, things would get very, very difficult for Loki.

So he looked at him and forced himself to calm down and listen to this beast.

“There is some sensitive information that has gotten into the hands of one of my rivals and I want you to get it back for me” Ullr revealed “I do not know which one it is, but I have narrowed the list down to eight men.”

“And what do you want me to do?” Thor asked “Risk my life and sneak into their homes to take it?”

“Precisely” Ullr grinned “I would have someone else do it, but I cannot risk that information getting out. You are my only option”

“And why choose me?” Thor hissed “when there are thousands of others that can help”

“You are the best” Ullr told him plainly “you’re a hunter and, if you fail, your stakes are higher. I know what happens if you are tossed out of this Isle and news of Balder’s untimely demise goes out”

His cold gaze went to Loki, who once more, glowered at him

“This land and that boy are free to grab” he grinned “and should I lose everything, like I can, I am sure I can find a way to get him, too. I will be offered land and a soft, sweet body to welcome me with I return from a hard day’s work”

“You’re sick!” Thor hissed “You’re blackmailing me into this!”

“Blackmail is a nasty word” Ullr smiled “But I guess it applies. I do hope you will not fail me, Odinson. After all, seeing your lovely little boy taken from here, passed from one rich man to another, would be a hard thing for you to witness”

“I could just kill you” Thor growled “end this before it begins”

“Oh, feel free to” Ullr grinned “and have the Runners come here and demand to know why you did. I am a powerful man, as such, I have many people invested in my well being. It would do you ill to have something happen to me. Shame, I would like to see you with your feathers ruffled, you’re so stoic”

“You’d be surprised” Thor snarled

He was livid, the blood rushed in his veins but for the moment, he could do nothing.

“And what, pray tell, are the details of this task?”

Ullr smiled and extended a hand to him.

“Shake hands with me” he said “and I will tell you how it goes”

Loki stood, cold to the touch, as he watched Thor shake his hand with his treacherous snake.

And likely, seal his fate already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to give you all an explanation for the nearly 2 month wait on this. 
> 
> I got very severely depressed, which only got worse when my country banned AO3 for me. Yes, I have to use proxy sites to upload now. I got bronchitis, then a flu and have had a pretty shit time of this all. 
> 
> Please hope they lift the ban, I love this website too much!
> 
> I really hope to answer all your comments, too. I can't not!!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you shy?” Thor looked at him over his shoulder “We’ve been together, how can you be?”  
“I am, alright?” Loki frowned “I am allowed to be irrational after the day we had”  
“True”

The people gathered around as they watched their lords and masters gather their luggage and place it atop their carriage. It was larger than the ones Loki had used before so they all wondered where it came from and how it came to be that Balder was taking Loki from the Isle

In their experience, he thought it best to stay put.

Loki could hear their comments as he sat inside, fidgeting with his hands while Lord Ullr watched him. He was a beautiful lad, he wouldn’t lie. It wasn’t unexpected to have a bære look anything other than absolutely gorgeous.

He saw how the light cloak he wore looked upon his frame, how his eyes followed Thor as he hoisted yet another trunk effortlessly to the top of the carriage. His stunning green eyes, his dark hair, all added to his allure, it truly did.

Ullr had touched his skin and found it soft and tempting.

Sirens, they were, all of them were sirens.

And he was truly thinking of answering the call Loki gave him.

He’s been so pleasantly surprised when Loki announced that he was accompanying them too. He wasn’t about to let his husband go with a man who was clearly wrought will ill intention. He was not going to take that chance.

The people were surprised but none of them were against it.

In their opinion, it was good to have Loki leave the Isle, to see the world. His work would be done behind him, Fandral and Heimdall would ensure it.

He had no reason not to go.

And Ullr couldn’t be happier.

He had a stunning looking companion and the promise of his problems melting away before his eyes.

The carriage jolted when Thor climbed up and tied the rope securely over their baggage. He jumped down and caught Loki looking right at him, face to face, from inside the carriage. Even from the glass between them, he could see the worries swirling in Loki’s gaze.

And he hated it.

Thor had given his hat to Heimdall and walked around the carriage to him, smiling.

“You will take care of everything, yes?” Thor asked

“I will” Heimdall replied, then held his wrist as he gave him the hat “you take care”

The hat was heavier than it should have been and Thor spotted a small pistol hidden in it.

Loki was right, nothing escaped Heimdall.

“Thank you, my friend” he pat him on the back

Fandral stood by the door, still dubious and Thor smiled at him

“Don’t burn everything to the ground” he said

Fandral rolled his eyes and closed the door after him.

Inside, Thor gave Ullr a nasty, hateful glare before he took the seat next to Loki.

“So, shall we depart?” Ullr asked

“If that is your wish” Thor told him

Ullr beamed and knocked three times on the carriage before it started to move forward. Loki jerked forward, hissing in annoyance but Thor’s hand came to rest over his own. He looked at him, at the man who was pretending to be his husband, and found his gaze assured and confident.

Even if Loki didn’t think so, Thor believed they would be alright and he guessed that was what mattered.

He didn’t feel like speaking and if Thor were honest, he did not, either

This situation was a bleak affair and other than asking each other for some space, they didn’t interact.

Ullr, however, was jovial and kept his gaze on Loki

“You know I never got the chance to express my condolences” he drawled “after all, you lost a husband and you a brother. It was so rude”

“You’ve played with the boundaries of propriety anyway, might as well go the full distance” Thor told him “we do not need your condolences”

Ullr hummed. He was bored and they his entertainment, so he went on.

“Have you told Loki of your reputation?” he asked “of the bodies you left behind in that quaint little village?”

Thor turned to him very slowly and Ullr laughed

“Of course you haven’t” he beamed “see, Loki, dear boy, your friend here is wanted in five major cities of England. He was called to exterminate an army of marauders and he, instead, fought and killed eight police officers as though they were nothing. It was a blood bath and he barely escaped.”

Loki raised his gaze to Thor’s but didn’t give Ullr the satisfaction of a response.

“He would have gone on further had it not been for …what was that woman’s name?” Ullr asked

“I am aware that you feel incredibly thrilled with your teasing” Thor said “but if you keep talking, I will strangle you with my bare hands and toss your body off into the waters before your men know what happened to you”

Ullr snorted and looked away “Hardly, you wouldn’t”

“Then keep testing me and find out” Thor dared

Loki placed a hand lightly on Thor’s thigh and felt his ease

But Ullr turned his gaze to the window. If Thor wanted him to worry then he’d gotten what he’d desired.

Thankfully.

The rest of their ride was uneventful. Loki managed to get some sleep when he dozed off. Thor felt his head rest on his shoulder and he looked at him before carefully readjusting his cloak so he stayed warm.

If Ullr noticed, he wisely kept his mouth shut.

They were going to the town Loki had first met Thor in. From there, they would head to London

Needless to say, the journey was a long one and Thor wasn’t looking forward to it.

Thankfully, Ullr fell asleep, too and it was just him, thinking. He looked at the pistol Heimdall had given him and put it safely upon his person. He would never know when he would need it, after all.

It was nightfall when they finally stopped and Thor gently woke Loki so they could go in.

The chill was in the air and the sooner they hurried inside, Thor thought, the better.

Ullr got them two of the best rooms and smiled at Thor.

“I think you are rich enough to afford this” he said “yes?”

Thor’s face was stern as he walked over, glaring at Ullr as he produced a bag of coins from his cloak and handed the tavern owner the rent for the night.

Ullr took the key to his chambers, Thor took the one to his own and they headed upstairs.

“Goodnight, Lord Balder, Lord Loki” Ullr bowed to them in mocking “tomorrow, we head out truly”

Thor ignoring him, taking instead, the trunks and bags so they could set them in their room and relax as best they could.

Loki exhaled when he took his cloak off, placing it aside while Thor stoked the fire, groaning as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“I guess I deserve this for sleeping the way I did”

Thor turned to look at him “Your neck hurts”

“And my back” Loki told him “and everything. Are carriages always such a nasty way to travel”

“This was explicitly nasty because of our company” Thor put down the poker and came to him “let me see”

Loki gave him his back and blushed when he felt those hands on his shoulders. He ducked his head and felt conscious of himself, making Thor laugh a little.

“Do you think this is why you’re feeling badly?”

“Forgive me” Loki said

“Are you shy?” Thor looked at him over his shoulder “We’ve been together, how can you be?”

“I am, alright?” Loki frowned “I am allowed to be irrational after the day we had”

“True”

Thor watched Loki leave and go to get his clothes from the trunk.

“Wait” Thor said “I can massage your neck and back, otherwise it will get ten times worse tomorrow”

Loki looked at him, grimacing “Truly?”

“Aye, unfortunately” Thor walked over “I’m going to wash up, why don’t you take your tunic off and lay on your front? I promise, I will not return until you feel comfortable”

Loki hugged himself, but nodded “Alright”

He was dubious, clearly, but Thor was trustworthy, he knew. They’d already done much but still, that little doubt inside him was enough to make him blush.

Thor went to the bathing room and Loki took his tunic off, feeling immensely aware of the fact that he was half naked. He was half naked and Thor would soon be…touching him.

God’s teeth, was this what embarrassment felt like? How could Thor so easily walk without a tunic?!

To him it was nearly impossible. The only man to have seen him without it was his husband, this was…new.

He was nervous as he lay down and curled his arms under his chest, set his head on the pillow and waited

His head was turned away from the door and his entire body tensed when Thor walked out from the bathing room

Loki’s breathing became a little harder when he saw him walk out from behind the wooden screen placed before the bathing room door and then vanish behind him

He could almost feel Thor’s gaze on him and his body stiffened further when Thor’s form didn’t appear in his line of vision again.

His breath caught in his throat when he felt him climb on behind him, one knee on either side of Loki, his hands coming to rest left and right of Loki’s head.

“Don’t be nervous” Thor looked down at him “I won’t hurt you”

“I know” Loki whispered “But I can’t help it”

He could see the tattoo on the forearm Thor braced himself on in front of his face, inked into his skin.

Thor settled his weight on one arm and brushed Loki’s hair off his nape with a tender hand.

“Even after our little adventure?” Thor smiled “you wound me”

Loki let out a soft laugh “Especially after that time, sir”

“This is nothing like that”

Loki saw him back away and felt his weight on his thighs when he sat astride him. And by the stars, that weight sent a delicious shiver up Loki’s spine that he denied enjoying. But by the blush on his face, he knew that Thor was aware of some of his feelings if not all.

“Alright, it hurts here?”

Thor placed his large hands on Loki’s shoulders, laughing when Loki raised them self consciously.

“I can’t do it if you’re not relaxed” he pointed out

“Forgive me”

Loki took a deep, deliberate breath and slowly lowered them, relaxing as he lay there.

Thor’s hands came over them again, warm against his skin and squeezed his shoulders, making Loki gasp softly. His thumbs pressed at the back of his neck and Loki bit his lip to keep from moaning at the feeling it gave him

Comfort, relaxation.

“There’s a few knots I can easily feel” Thor said

He started to knead his shoulders, his large hands spread over his shoulders, then went lower as his thumbs pressed down on his spine with every inch he moved lower and lower. Loki’s eyes fluttered closed as Thor pressed down on his skin and worked out the knots and tense muscles. He could feel Loki relax under him.

And Loki could feel every fingertip Thor had pressed to his skin. His face was flushed and he lay there panting softly, biting his lip every now and then when his fingers touched sensitive spots on his skin.

He had to close his eyes and make himself breathe deeply, just so Thor wouldn’t be aware of the effect he was having on him.

For his part, Thor seemed unaware.

He worked up and down his back, squeezing and pressing along his spine, his sides, his shoulders and neck until he heard the first unstifled moan escape Loki.

He smiled “Are you feeling better?”

“I am a little” Loki whispered “Thank you”

“Alright”

He kept working, sliding his palms up Loki’s back and hearing another moan, this time a little louder.

This time, it almost made Thor shiver.

He did it again, then raked his nails down Loki’s back lightly, which made Loki hiss, his breathing stuttered.

“Do that again”

His inhibitions were melting, it seemed.

Thor smiled and did it again, hearing the moan Loki gave once more when he scratched down his back. He felt his muscles tense, then felt him release them, letting out a quieter, albeit no less relieved moan.

Thor pressed down with his thumbs and slid them up Loki’s spin till he reached his neck and he started to squeeze and massage them, too.

“You’re so good at this” Loki whispered

“Thank you” Thor turned around and picked up one of his feet

Loki tensed “Wait…”

“Relax” Thor said “enjoy it”

He rubbed circles on the sole of Loki’s feet one by one. He heard Loki whisper and squirm behind him but he didn’t let go, not till Loki was completely relaxed and content.

It felt nice, feeling him relax and get comfortable. It really felt good.

Afterwards, he got off and pat his leg

“Turn on your back”

Loki, who had his eyes closed, suddenly blinked them open, startled

“Pardon?”

“Lay on your back, I will do your front” Thor repeated “come on, while you’re still warm”

Loki twisted to his side, his face red, then lay on his back, swallowing thickly when he saw Thor loom over him, hands on either side of him as he sat on his thighs.

His weight excited him, the feel of him so close and above him excited him and he felt his hands itch to touch his skin.

Loki pulled at the sheets as he looked anywhere but at Thor.

Thor put his hands on Loki’s shoulders and slid them down his arms, slow and careful.

“Relax”

“I am” Loki whispered

He’d turned his head away and Thor studied his profile.

“I could sleep on the floor if you wish” Thor offered

“Nay, it is not your fault”

“How can you be so nervous?” Thor asked “It is just a massage”

“I…” Loki licked his lips and looked at him “I get thoughts when we are like this”

At that, Thor arched his brow

“Oh?” he stopped his massage “what kind of thoughts?”

“I’d rather not say” Loki whispered

“Are they truly so bad?”

Loki was overwhelmed by the feel of Thor’s weight on him, of his hands touching his arms, and his eyes shining so beautifully in the dim light, lest he wouldn’t have said it. His scent made his head whirl more than he’d ever experienced and he swallowed thickly before he spoke.

“I wish to do…what we did at that house again” Loki confessed “but more. I wish to know those feelings once more”

He wanted to forget, he wanted to forget Ullr, this situation, the fear, the exhaustion, all of it. He wanted those glorious sensations in his body again

“I am not certain you know what you are asking” Thor’s voice was low and dark “I wouldn’t not have us finish here and have you fill with regret”

“I do not think I will regret it” Loki closed his eyes when Thor stroked his cheek “Please, I am asking for it. Don’t leave me wanting”

Like Balder had…that was what Loki wanted to say and it seemed that Thor heard it.

“Before we proceed, I must ask you and do not be offended” Thor twirled his hair between his fingers “do you truly want _me_?”

“You fear I have you as a replacement for Balder?” Loki questioned “I do not. There was a time where I had wanted nothing more than to have him touch me but that time’s long since passed. You are so different, I can hardly replace him with you even though I am tricking the Isle into believing that”

Loki shivered under him and Thor felt his lips curve into a smile.

“I want you, _Thor Odinson_” Loki said “entirely and completely, to make me feel good once more”

“Then who am I to refuse you, my lord?” Thor bent his head to take his mouth under his own

His tongue pushed into Loki’s mouth and he felt Loki’s hands clench in his hair as he responded to the deep kiss. He craved his touch, his obvious passion set his spirit ablaze and Thor groaned, moving to hover over him better, to feel his desire match his own.

Thor knew what he was doing and Loki shivered and gasped at his touches, feeling them ignite his passion, one he hadn’t felt since that day when they looked at the houses. He felt Thor’s leg sink between his. He drew it upwards and Loki whispered out a cry when he felt it open his legs for him.

His hands tugged on Loki’s pants and Loki swallowed heavily, then lifted his hips to allow it.

The silken feel of them sliding downwards then off him was undeniably sensuous and Loki bit his lip, especially when Thor started biting his neck at the same time.

“You’re ready for me” Thor whispered “may I?”

Loki shuddered and his hands tightened in Thor’s hair.

“It would be disappointing if you didn’t.” Loki replied

Thor started to touch him the way he’d done before, stroking him once more. His fingers felt like magic and Loki hissed and bit his lip, held him close with a hand behind his head, another raking his nails down Thor’s arm.

“Thor…”

“Aye, darling”

Thor eased a finger into him

Loki moaned, wrapped his leg around Thor’s and let out a demanding hiss. He clutched at his tunic, then pulled, wanting it off him, wanting to feel him beneath his hands.

He arched himself against his finger.

“You’re already wet” Thor’s whispered, his voice hoarse and strained “Like your roses after rain”

“Stop talking” Loki gasped “you’re distracting me”

Thor laughed then trailed a string of heated kisses down his throat to his shoulder while sliding another finger into him.

“Oh…” Loki gasped “_Oh_.”

“So tight, so sweet, just for me”

“Does your poetry help you in doing this?”

“Nay, sir” Thor laughed “it does not”

“Good then you can do without it” Loki quipped “It is diminishing my enthusiasm”

“I hardly think your enthusiasm is in any way diminished” Thor kissed the curve of his shoulder.

Loki could feel him stretching him, opening him for his own body, getting him slicker than he already was. He was shaking with need now, the magical tension he’d felt that day was twisting within him in anticipation

He started to get restless and impatient.

“Hurry” Loki breathed, nipping at Thor’s ear “Please hurry”

Thor lifted his head and looked at him, his gaze slightly amused

“I have chosen a tyrant”

“Sorry” Loki muttered, blushing “I didn’t mean to…”

“But in this case, I feel I should abide completely”

Thor loosened and removed his own clothing, freeing his erection. Loki caught a glimpse of his aroused body as he position himself between his knees.

“Perhaps” he said “we should diminish some of your enthusiasm before we go ahead”

“I think it is too late for that” Thor smirked, placing his hands on either sides of his shoulders and looked down at him. “I am sure we can manage”

“Aye, we will”

“I am very _enthusiastic_ about this, Thor”

“I can tell” Thor smiled

He took his mouth beneath his own again and began to push into him

Loki groaned at the hard feel of him and broke the kiss off, hissing loudly

“_Thor_!”

“Trust me”

“This is no time for poetry” Loki muttered, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and hanging on “By God’s teeth, this feels incredible!”

He pressed in harder and Loki moaned, letting his head fall back against the pillows. Thor sheathed himself fully inside him and Loki groaned, the feel of his movements stunning him.

He scratched down his back and broad shoulders, feeling every second of the thrilling pleasure he gave him.

Loki moaned again when he slowly glided out of him, then back again. His leg came to hook around Thor’s waist, his teeth biting his lip.

Thor withdrew and pushed into him.

Again and again.

Each stroke delivered exquisite pleasure to Loki, making him pant into Thor’s ear, his eyes closed. He felt the dampness on his back, on his shoulders and turned his head to kiss his neck.

Thor in return kissed him, placing soft little kisses on his lips, then his nose and cheeks as he continued, rocking into him slowly.

Loki dug his nails into his back when the pleasure began to turn into a tension he’d felt earlier and he moaned, holding him closer. Wondrous ripples of pleasure went through him and soon his world turned white, Thor’s ragged shout of release somewhere in the background of the pleasure haze Loki was in.

“He felt boneless as he fell back on the bed, holding Thor when his weight settled upon Loki’s body.

His eyes were already closed, his body sated and with the exhaustion of the day, Loki fell asleep, barely aware of the strong arms that cradled him to an equally strong chest.

***

Ullr made their breakfast frightfully unpleasant. He’d had a vulgar night with three women and left the room in shambles. Then he’d arrived in the morning before breakfast, to demand coin from Thor to pay those women

By all means, it had been a horrible way to be woken up.

He breakfast at the inn was marvelous and they chose to dine out in the sunlight, sitting and warming up before their trip.

It would have been a beautiful way to start their day had Ullr not been there, openly watching Loki, making him uncomfortable.

Loki hated him and Thor glowered at him

“Must you stare?”

“Is there a law against it?” Ullr challenged

“Yes” Thor growled “now look away”

“I wouldn’t be so rude to me if I were you, I think you know what is at stake” Ullr smiled

“I am very much aware of it” Thor told him

He longed to hurt him, to strangle him with his bare hands as he’d said before but such was their situation that he couldn’t

No matter how much he wanted to, he could not.

He tolerated it that morning and when they were to leave, he took a moment with Loki and held his hands while Loki picked up his bags

“I am sorry” Thor told him, stroking the back of his hand “I would have hurt him if I could without consequence”

“I know” Loki smiled, his face so tender, his eyes so understanding “I imagined it over and over, it gave me pleasure”

Thor laughed softly, lifted Loki’s hands to his lips and kissed them

“Thank you for being so understanding”

“That man’s threatened my Isle” Loki picked up his bag again “I think eventually, he will get what is coming to him.”

“Aye”

Thor hoped for that, too.

The journey to London was long. With Ullr, it was unbearable. They tried to keep it pleasant by reading together but Ullr kept making lewd comments.

They were nasty, disgusting but they could be ignored.

What Thor hadn’t been able to ignore was when Ullr did something unforgivable.

Loki was sleeping in the carriage when they stopped to have a walk, stretch their legs

There was a stream nearby and Thor went there to wash up, cool off a bit, too. Streams were clean and the water was clear, he loved how they instantly revitalized him. He had taken his glove off to dip his hand in it when he saw Ullr climb into the carriage

The carriage Loki was sleeping in.

Thor stood and rushed over, his eyes livid in rage

He’d lost all sense then

He’d seen it, Ullr sliding his hand into Loki’s tunic, his face lecherous

“Get off!”

Thor grabbed him and yanked him out by the collar, throwing him to the ground, his arm raised to punch him.

An unfamiliar, buzzing energy went through his entire body, especially his wrists and his hand, a power begging to release, to cause violence.

He wanted to break Ullr into a thousand pieces and somehow he knew that if he wanted to, if he touched him with the energy he had in his hands, it would happen

He would be able to kill him without mercy.

But Ullr’s men arrived then, having heard him yell and Ullr’s cruel, arrogant grin told him now was not the time.

He would have retribution, just not at this moment.

Loki had woken to the commotion and they all acted like Thor had lost his head. Thor stuck close to Loki after that, not leaving his side for the rest of their trip.

London’s air was poisonous and Thor saw Loki place a handkerchief over his mouth and squint his eyes.

He’d come from the cleanest air to this.

Dusty, dirty, filthy air.

He coughed and Thor could already tell he would likely have a hard time adjusting to it.

Ullr took them to his own home and gave them separate rooms.

“I thought you would show decency” he beamed insultingly “sleeping with one another out of wedlock crosses that”

“As though you know anything about that word” Thor rasped

Loki felt ashamed, still, but he took his things to one room, defying Ullr completely. But if they thought it would irritate him, they were wrong.

Nothing would ever come close to that.

Ullr was a disgusting man.

They had a terse, unsatisfying dinner then retired to bed early.

Or, at least they tried

“Odinson” Ullr called “come to my study so we can work this out, aye?”

Thor let out an almighty exhale to gain the patience needed, then followed him. He didn’t know what this man had planned but he knew he would despise it with every fiber of his being. Ullr knew that too, so he decided to be overly caring and attentive to him, getting him a drink and a comfortable chair.

“There are eight men I suspect of trying to blackmail me” Ullr told him “now my crime may shock you…”

“I do not think that is possible, knowing you” Thor cut in

Ullr grinned “But…it was in self defense”

He crossed his arms over his desk as he looked at Thor and exhaled

“I have been accused, falsely, of murdering the husband of one of my lovers” Ullr said “they were rumors, spread by an angry woman, so basically not worth thinking about”

His crass, disgusting manner made Thor even angrier, if he was honest.

“However, the person who is blackmailing me has come across a rather damning piece of evidence, which will likely send me to the Americas or get jailed. Neither of those futures is what I want. I will host a ball in my home eight times over the next few weeks and you are to go to their houses and search for the evidence in that time, since I will be inviting all the suspects”

“And I am to sneak into their homes one by one and steal whatever evidence is enough to jail you?” Thor asked

“Aye” Ullr beamed

“And what evidence is it?” Thor asked “will you describe it to me?”

“Tis a paper weight” Ullr said “solid gold, made like a gun. It’s small, too small to do much damage but the blackmailer thinks I used it to kill that man”

“Which you didn’t” Thor was clearly unconvinced

“Aye” Ullr grinned “tomorrow, I will take you around to the houses so you can see them and figure out a way to get in and out. I want no risks taken”

“Of course” Thor said

He finished his drink and got to his feet

“Now since we are all tired and this conversation is finished, I will retire to bed” he told him

“Your own?” Ullr smiled

Thor didn’t dignify that with an answer.

He simply strode to the door and left, hearing Ullr’s disgusting snicker behind him as he departed.

***

As promised, Ullr sent out invites for the ball a week later.

He was a well liked man and he was eagerly getting responses from everyone he invited. It was a private ball, so they would most definitely know who was coming and who was declining.

Ullr wanted only one person to attend and that was Lord Galahad

He was, like Ullr, a man in his late years but had enough youth in him that he attended balls and soirees, hopping from one to another. He thought of himself as a severely important man.

And thus, he considered his attendance to the balls as something of a feat for Ullr. And Ullr encouraged it because of his own agenda.

He’d already shown Thor his house, the night was the ball was getting close and Thor would be able to get the needed evidence easily.

Easily for Ullr.

The man had the gall to ask Loki to stay for his ball, which Loki resolutely declined.

He was going to help Thor, he announced, which truly surprised him.

Thor was much the same, but he wasn’t one to complain.

The sooner this was done with, the sooner they could go back and pretend all this didn’t happen.

There was, however, one good thing about this affair.

When the rains settled the dust and smoke, Thor took Loki out to the town. The skies were stunningly blue then and the pollution to a minimum.

Loki got to see the city and the wonders that came with it.

He also found a shop that sold his potions and found that it was nearly sold out of his creations. That filled his eyes with hope and pride, something Thor loved seeing. He loved seeing Loki happy.

They’d taken a walk in the park, on the damp grass where Loki took his shoes off to walk in it.

Thor was enchanted, following him with his shoes in his hands, a smile on his face. A few people stared but they didn’t matter to Thor.

No one but Loki did. His safety and happiness was key to Thor.

They started to talk soon after, walking side by side, together.

“I have noticed something about you” Loki gave him a sidelong glance

“Oh?” Thor smirked “What is it?”

“You are a cautious man” Loki told him “you watch out, as though for familiar faces.”

“I have to be when I have something valuable to protect”

Loki narrowed his eyes at him a little and Thor knew he was scrutinizing him.

“I can protect myself” Loki told him

“Who said I was referring to you?”

Thor’s teasing made him narrow his eyes further, but they both knew Thor had been talking about him. Hell, his eyes were focused on nothing other than Loki. He gave people a cursory glances but other than that, his companion was his sole focus.

Loki did wonder, however. If it was Loki that enchanted him or Seidr. From what he knew, Thor was not accustomed to belonging anywhere. By the scars on his body, which he had grown to know very well in these past days, Thor was not allowed to.

Did the Isle and promise of a forever home lure and keep him there? Likely.

But then his association with Loki and his fascination with him was genuine. Balder cared for the lands, Thor cared for Loki.

And if Loki was honest, he cared for Thor, too. He liked seeing him smile, he liked seeing his eyes light up in joy, too.

Where Thor wanted to protect him, Loki wanted the same for him. To give him a home, a place to stay, a place to belong so he could grow.

He’d already seen his ability, he wanted to see him, as a man, grow, too.

Because for the moment, Loki saw the look in his eyes. It was like Thor expected someone to take all this from him. He couldn’t blame him, Ullr was here, threatening to do it.

Thor was one guard even as he was relaxed.

The past two days had been an adventurous time for them in bed. His knowledge of love making clearly passed Loki’s own. He knew exactly what to do to make Loki react to him the way he wanted and do what he wanted to do.

Every writhe, every gasp was carefully pulled from him because Thor knew how to please him.

Balder had never been able to that even at their best. What Thor did made him see stars.

His cheeks flushed at the memory of where Thor’s mouth had been last night and he cleared his throat, searching for a neutral topic for them to discuss.

“Do you think we should get something for Sleipnir?” Loki asked

Thor looked towards him and smiled “Like what?”

Loki shrugged “How about we get some wool and I can knit him a sweater?”

Thor barked out a laugh till he realized Loki was not making a joke

“Truly?” he asked “you can do that?”

“Aye, I can” Loki said “I like knitting”

“Interesting” Thor hummed “Will you ever knit something for me?”

“If you desire it” Loki told him “I would love to”

Thor’s lips curved into a smile and he walked closer to him, holding his hat in his hands as they walked onwards.

Someone was selling sweet ices in a parlor and they indulged in it, talking to each other about various things that came to mind.

Loki was in the middle of a rather lovely story about how he made a love potion that he sells to people, claiming it works when Thor suddenly grit his jaw.

His gaze was focused in the distance, over Loki’s shoulder, he’d stopped listening.

Loki furrowed his brow as he looked at him “Thor?”

Thor closed his eyes and sighed “Forgive me, continue”

Loki couldn’t he turned around and saw a tall, well dressed older gentleman with white hair and a large dog.

They were walking together with a young man with blonde hair and blue eyes, then another younger man of the same build and features, but a slightly youthful face.

Clearly, a father and two of his sons taking a walk …

…towards them.

Loki looked back to Thor, who refused to look up from his table and Loki touched his hand.

“Thor, what is it?”

“Nothing” Thor lied “may we leave?”

His father and half brothers were the last people on earth he wished to see.

Fenrir, however, was different. He would love to meet that dog again.

However, today luck was not on his side as Odin spotted him. His entire body tensed and he knew Odin was aware of who he was, who Loki was and what was happening. He excused his sons and walked over, making Thor cuss and wish he was invisible.

Loki had noticed Thor’s demeanor change and opened his mouth to speak when Odin arrived.

“Tis a good day indeed when one runs into you” Odin said “Thor”

Loki looked stricken, as though he was caught in between something hard. But a glance at Odin’s face this close clicked something within his brain and he felt his mouth fall open when he realized this was his father in law.

Loki immediately got to his feet and stared at him

“M-My Lord” he said

“Ah, the husband” Odin smiled “I have heard much of you but I never thought we would meet. I wish it was under better circumstances, of course, but you two do not seem to be too upset”

“Bold words coming from a man who barely knew his own sons” Thor looked at him “I would be very careful if I were you, old man”

Odin arched a brow “Oh, really? Why is that?”

“I wouldn’t want Hodor and Halvor to know that their illegitimate brother is right there, talking to his father” Thor said “I am sure your wife would dislike that with how hard she tried to keep us apart”

“They will not mind, I assure you” Odin took Loki’s seat

Thor stood from his own “I am not here to chat or reminisce with you, Lord Asgard. I am here only for a few days and I expect none of them to be in your company”

“You will not let me mourn with you?” Odin asked “as a father who has lost a son, I think that would be cruel if you didn’t let me”

“What is cruel is your dismissal of us both” Thor growled “we were never your sons. We never will be. I have accepted your condolences about my brother, good day, sir”

Thor took Loki by the hand and left, leaving Odin to stay where he wished

“You have accepted more than condolences” Odin said “shame on you, Loki”

Thor spun around sharply and Loki grabbed his arm

“No, let it go” he said

Thor glared at Odin “Show a modicum of respect, old man. Say whatever you wish to me but leave my brother’s widower out of it”

“You didn’t” Odin said “tis a little hypocritical”

Thor’s jaw was clenched but here, in public, he could do nothing.

“And you wonder why we never wanted to stay with you”

Odin’s expression didn’t waver and Thor hated it. He was so emotionless, he sometimes wondered if he was even human.

People were now staring at them and Thor knew that word would get out about this, that people would question what happened and who he was. Sooner or later, someone would know, someone would figure out who he was and what he was doing.

That would harm Loki and Thor didn’t want that at all. That was the only reason he let Loki take him away and walk off with him.

Odin closed his eyes in disappointment.

Thor always had a way of pulling the worst from him and Odin always gave in and did it, pushing a wedge through them.

He couldn’t help it, couldn’t help making those comments. Balder was dead and Thor was there, having an affair with his dead brother’s widower?

It was sick.

It was morally wrong and Thor knew it, it was why he reacted the way he had.

This posed a danger, a threat to their lives again. If Odin let this slip, more people would question what happened.

He was risking the safety of Loki’s Isle with his stupidity, Thor realized as they walked onwards and he exhaled, running a hand over his face

“I am so sorry”

Loki looked at him, surprised “For what?”

“For … for everything” Thor said

His gaze was apologetic, self deprecating and he shook his head

“I have brought this trouble upon you, I have disrespected you” Thor looked at him “my reasons were selfish and now…now I do not know how to apologize”

“You don’t have to” Loki frowned “You have nothing to apologize for, Thor”

“I do”

“Then you confess to regretting being with me?” Loki asked

Thor tensed and stared at him “What? No, never, Loki, I …”

“Then you will not apologize” Loki said sternly “it takes two, if I recall, to do what we did. I am fully aware of what I have been doing and I do not care what an old, angry man says.”

“He could jeopardize us” Thor began “jeopardize you”

“He will not” Loki said confidently “he has one of the major shares in the Isle. He would never lose that”

That surprised Thor, truly

“What?”

“Balder made him get shares in the Isle so that the business stays fruitful and the Elite follow” Loki said “trust me, he will never do anything to hurt that”

That was clever, Thor had to admit, very clever of his brother. He shook his head, marveled by it a little bit

It was so simple and yet so effective.

No wonder Balder was so revered.

Thor could never come up to par with him, never.

And yet, he seemed to be the one Loki wished to be with. Thor knew why – Thor gave him the attention and affection that Balder hadn’t

He just hoped it was more than that, too.

***

The day of the first ball was upon them soon enough and Ullr was practically beaming with joy. The house looked splendid, the food was plenty and his guests very exclusive.

And Galahad would definitely attend, along with a few of his friends. Ullr knew the man loved to be the center of attention and he would never miss the chance to be here and boast about what an important man he was now.

He was a fluttering peacock in Ullr’s opinon.

In Loki’s, all of them were prancing peacocks.

He was dressed in his best clothes, loose, flowing and a stunning green that matched with his eyes.

Ullr had asked him to attend.

Nay, he was forced to. He didn’t have much of a choice with Thor being gone.

He hated it more than he could express. He felt powerless, the same as he did when Byleistr had taken him in his home. Only there, he had the liberty to lock himself away, here, he was alone, a little scared and being blackmailed by the lord who had him as a guest in his home.

He had on trousers that accentuated his legs and boots that none of these men had ever experienced wearing. They were elegant, sleek and completely unlike the heavy soled ones that every man here wore.

He stood at the top of the stairs, watching all of them flood into the house.

He didn’t want to go down there.

He wanted to stay up in his room where it was relatively safe and he wanted Thor to come back

He didn’t know if he was alright or not, he’d already been gone for an hour

Galahad was here, had been here for a long time so there was nothing that should keep Thor away, aye?

And yet, he wasn’t here

Footsteps to his right alerted him that someone was approaching and he turned his head to see one of Ullr’s staff members walk over to him.

“The Lord wishes to introduce you to his friends” he said “come along, Sir”

Loki gave the man a terse smile and nodded, going with him, downstairs and towards the guests.

They all stared

Loki had an aura that marked him as different and they all immediately saw it. The conversation turned to whispers about him, their gazes went from his feet up to his face, scrutinizing and cold.

They all thought he was some prized possession being brought out.

And Ullr made him feel that way when he gallantly kissed his knuckles in front of everyone.

“This is Lord Loki” he told his friends, but his voice was loud enough for everyone to hear “He’s a bære, owner to a massive Isle that produces one of the most potent concoctions I have ever had. I am sure you, Ulrich, have had a few”

There was good natured laughing from them all and Ullr let his hand run down Loki’s back.

He didn’t tell anyone he was married to ‘Balder’. Loki moved away from his hand, but spun back sharply when Ullr grabbed his wrist tightly.

“Come, I will introduce you to others”

Loki felt paraded.

He felt sick. He spoke when he had their attention, telling them of Balder but Ullr only laughed, insinuated that they were together despite him being married and Loki felt sick. He wanted to leave!

But he couldn’t

Ullr had a firm hold on him and took him to a rather secluded corner of the room to smile at him

“Must you be so sullen?” he asked “they all loved meeting you”

Loki yanked his wrist away from him and glared “You’re despicable”

“And you’re at my mercy” Ullr smiled

A passing servant offered them a tray of champagne and he picked up two glasses, extending one to Loki.

“You have to do whatever I say” he told him “or that man over there, you see?”

He gestured to one of the guests who was talking to his friends at this hell gathering.

“He will tell everyone the truth about you and dear Thor” Ullr grinned

Loki glowered at him angrily, then at the glass Ullr extended to him.

“Drink”

A hard hand landed on Ullr’s shoulder.

He spun around and found himself looking up into Thor’s cold, angry eyes, his face stern and dangerous.

“Get back” Thor hissed, applying enough pressure to move him away

Ullr smiled but his eyes were a little worried, mostly because people were beginning to stare.

“Ah, Balder” he beamed “come back from your errands, eh?”

Thor grit his jaw and Loki picked that moment to slip away and vanish upstairs

“Come on, let’s talk in my study”

Thor was tense in anger and walked after him, glaring even then.

Ullr was eager to know what happened and he took him far from the festivities to talk to him. The moment they were inside the study, Thor was shoving him against the wall, his hands holding his collar, lifting him up off the ground as he glared at him

“If you ever do that to Loki again” he rasped “I will kill you, damning the consequences, you understand?”

“My, my” Ullr beamed “Someone is confident in their abilities. Did you do what I asked you to?”

“Aye” Thor let him go sharply and pulled out a letter “You were right about one thing – all the men you suspected have a hand in this, not one”

Ullr looked taken aback, blinking in surprise

“I beg your pardon?”

Thor placed the letter on the table

“According to that, they all know you killed that man and are all conspiring against you” Thor told him “there is not one blackmailer. Galahad is the fourth in line for getting something, another, Lord Sullivan is the one currently sending you the blackmail notes. I do not know where they have hidden the paperweight but it is written in that riddle at the bottom of the letter. Go what you wish with that information”

“You were asked to bring it back” Ullr watched him go to the door “Are you telling me you will not do that?”

“That is exactly what I will do” Thor told him “because if you do not back off, I will make sure your downfall comes to you sooner than expected”

Ullr smirked “I have not dismissed you”

“I am not yours to dismiss”

Thor strode out and upstairs, going to see if Loki was alright. He’d looked scared and angry all in one when Thor arrived.

He’d seen red, seen fire and behind it, he saw Loki, who was cornered by that sadistic bastard. Never had Thor wanted to hurt anyone as much as he’d wanted to hurt Ullr in that moment.

He knocked on the door before he entered and frowned when he saw Loki applying balm on his wrist in front of the dresser.

“He did that?” Thor walked over

“Aye, but it’s nothing” Loki said “How was… How was your adventure?”

“Hardly that” Thor took a gentle hold of his arm and studied his wrist “this will leave in a few days”

“I envy it, then” Loki grimaced “The city is no friend of mine, I feel. It is disgusting and impure”

“Just like the people” Thor laughed softly “Aye, it is. Have you eaten anything?”

Loki shook his head “No…what happened with…everything?”

“Well”

Thor dug into his pocket and pulled out something wrapped in a napkin. He opened it before Loki and Loki stared.

“I found the evidence that will damn Ullr to the cells and back” he grinned “and tomorrow, I will take this to the constable, one I heard is very interested in any evidence to lock this bastard up”

“Why not take it to his debtors?” Loki asked “They were all whispering about how he owed people a fortune and was having a ball instead of returning their money”

Thor smiled slowly “I think you might be a sorcerer after all”

He leaned forward and kissed his forehead

“Have you eaten anything?”

Loki shook his head “And I do not want to. I have never had food so…nauseatingly rich. It’s slightly repulsive”

“Aye, I can imagine how it can be” Thor grinned “How dare we have rich food?”

Loki narrowed his eyes at him “You are supposed to be charming”

“I am not a prince, my lord” Thor said “but for you, I will be”

Loki gave a magnificent roll of his eyes and stepped back

“I would like some fruit” Loki said “is there any?”

“No, but we can get some” Thor said “I feel I need to get out of here in any case”

“As do I” Loki said “let us go”

He got his coat, some money and the two of them walked out, easily sneaking out of the house with the ball happening behind them. They were all dancing anyway, none would notice their absence.

They chose to go by foot and Thor took Loki’s hand in his own a few minutes after. Loki looked at their hands, then felt a smile curve his lips and held on.

At this time, everyone was out of their homes. Gentlemen and women walked about, going to balls and gatherings, laughing and chatting.

It was lively, even if it was smothering.

The skies were painted blue and black, stars glimmered in the distance, those the lights hadn’t washed out.

There was little flora around, only the barest since the buildings had taken most of it.

And as someone who was born and raised in greenery and flowers, Loki felt so out of place. He felt lost, as though he was in a strange land.

The people looked at him like he was, too. His clothes didn’t match their fashion, he had no walking stick, no hat, he looked out of place.

He’d wanted to go to the city, but this seemed like he was in another world, a dirty, dying world.

Thor took him to a tavern where it was packed with warm bodies seeking drink and food. They crowded around tables, leaned against walls and eyed potential conquests for the night.

A few of them glanced at Loki, but looked away when they saw him already with Thor.

He didn’t seem to be worth their effort.

Thor found him a table and they sat down, sighing in contentment. A server walked over and Thor asked if they had any fruit.

They did and they were more than happy enough to get Loki a platter of it.

Thor asked for some wine and something to eat, which he was given a few minutes later. Loki made a face at the chicken and vegetables Thor got, but the man had no qualms about eating them.

It made him wonder how many nights Thor went to bed hungry before.

He knew he agreed for basic reasons primarily. He just didn’t know how deep that ran.

Balder’s death left him with little choice but to become a vagabond, Fandral had told him. But Loki didn’t believe that. He saw Thor as a knight without a title

A Vagrant Knight, one that handled his life by himself, with no help from anyone and a questionable past.

A line of thought that brought him to lean over and ask Thor something.

“Thor” he said “May I ask you a question?”

Thor smirked at him before he nodded “You can ask anything of me”

Loki laughed softly and shook his head “Nay, this is a little serious”

“Oh?”

Thor sat up straight and looked at him

“What was Ullr talking about when he mentioned those officers?” Loki asked “and about you being wanted?”

Thor felt his body stiffen. His expression was stoic, however, giving nothing away but at the same time, in doing so, giving a lot away to Loki, who’d come to know him.

He knew Loki would ask him that eventually and it seemed that a decent amount of time had passed so he took a deep inhale and played with his fork.

“It is not as he describes”

“I am aware of that, I do not he is an honest man” Loki said

“Aye, but … many would call me dishonest, too” Thor set his fork down

“I wouldn’t” Loki told him bluntly “So tell me what happened”

Thor let out a loud sigh, then nodded his head once

He wasn’t used to someone asking for his side of any story unless it was to turn it around and blame him. No one listened with rapt interest like Loki was ready to do. He sat patiently with his arms crossed gracefully over the tabletop, his green eyes shimmering in the lights of the tavern.

“Well” Thor said “it was an ambush. I was hunting for a man who was wanted for the murder of eight families. All members, leaving no one alive. He worked for someone high up, I suspect someone in the police or the ruling bodies. This happened in Sussex and I was told to bring him in. At that time, the person who had hired me, sent me with a woman named Valkyrie. She was a fighter and a good one at that. I trusted her.

“She wanted to get these men as quickly as possible.” Thor said “Or so I thought. The night I was ambushed, we were going to find this man, who was rumored to be robbing a noble of high rank. I was excited because if I caught him doing it, then it would be easier to get him a sentence and with Valkyrie, I would have a witness.”

Thor exhaled “The noble had a massive library and that was where we had to go and within it, there were some artifacts that would be stolen. This woman, Valkyrie, was eager to get him, she knew her way around, which occurred to me far too late. When I entered the library, there were eight police officers and Valkyrie, pointing their weapons at me. Too late I realized that I had been cheated.”

Loki frowned “What happened next?”

“Well, the ambush took me by surprise and I ran, but they started to fire” Thor closed his eyes and took a deep breath “Valkyrie started to fire. She killed those men, stole what she wanted to and fled. I was seen by multiple people, running from that house when they heard the gunfire. It didn’t take long for them to convict me of that murder”

“But you did not do it” Loki whispered

“It doesn’t matter to a community, they only want punishment” Thor told him “I would have been hanged had – had my father not come in to save me. And if I were honest, I would have taken the punishment”

Loki grimaced “That sounds nasty”

“You met my father, have you not? Isn’t he amazing?”

Loki laughed softly “Alright, I can see your point. What happened after?”

“Well, I was wanted in Sussex and I haven’t been back since. But it taught me to always work alone and never work with someone who looks like they are too good because chances are they are not”

“Possibly” Loki picked up his fork to have his fruit “I assume that made you very careful with who you go after”

“Aye, I had a very thorough screening process” Thor went back to his meal “I would see if I needed money and then take the job”

Loki grinned, then laughed, shaking his head “You’re…well, you are something else, Thor”

“I most certainly am” Thor said

The air was light between them despite their topic of discussion.

“As hard as that was, you have led a far more adventurous life than I” Loki told him

“Oh course, clapped in irons, thrown in prison, it was an incredible adventure” Thor laughed

Loki kicked him under the table “You know what I mean”

“I do, I know.”

“I have never left that Isle” Loki continued “I stayed there, looking after it ever since I could remember. I was never asked about what I wanted”

“What did you want?” Thor inquired, his eyes focused on Loki’s face

“Well, I wanted to have a shop in the country” Loki said “a small home and a lot of books. I wanted to be free, but I guess everyone has their tethers. One just gets used to them”

“Very true” Thor nodded “but I feel your tethers are not…no longer that bad. At least I hope. You have a competent second and third. Perhaps it is time you have a taste of your dream.”

“I was seven when I dreamt it, it was childish” Loki said

“Perhaps, but maybe we can do something about it, still” Thor smiled slowly “no dream should be left untried”

Loki had to admit he wanted to, it felt right, it felt like he owed it to himself.

He didn’t say anything affirmative to it, but he didn’t deny it either.

And once they finished their meals they made their way back to Ullr’s home. The ball was still taking place so they went upstairs quietly, not wanting to disturb them or be seen. They would lock themselves in their rooms and just…breathe.

“Let me put my coat away, change and return” Loki told Thor “you choose a book we can read.”

“Aye. Reading…that is what we will do” Thor winked

Loki blushed and turned away, going to his room so he could change.

The moment he entered it, he knew something was wrong. Nothing was out of place, but he knew. And a second later, it became apparent

Ullr was sitting in one of the chairs and he smiled at him

“Do come in” he said, “I was waiting for you”

Loki didn’t move. His heart was racing at the thought of him being here and only later did he see his clothes on the bed, Ullr having gone through them.

His body went cold at that thought and he looked back at him

“I want you to leave”

“This is my house and my chambers” Ullr got to his feet “I do not think you can tell me what to do”

Loki turned around to open the door and gasped when the man advanced in him and grabbed his wrist just as he stepped outside

“No!”

Loki growled but Ullr yanked him back and threw him to the floor.

He locked the door and turned to Loki

“I have had enough of watching” he told him “Now I want to touch you”

“Like hell you will” Loki rasped “get away from me!”

Ullr stormed forward and Loki retreated, picking up a fire poker. His eyes were blazing green in anger and he raised it, ready to hurt him.

“Don’t come near me”

He was scared, Ullr could tell. He could almost hear his heart beat and he walked over, confident.

He didn’t expect someone to grab him

Ullr yelled as he was hauled up and thrown hard to the floor, where he lay, groaning in pain.

Thor stood behind him, his face a mask of rage

“Pack your belongings” Thor told Loki

Loki raced around Ullr, dropping the fire poker.

Thor went to help him, both of them ignoring Ullr for now as they stuffed Loki’s clothes in his bag. They didn’t hear Ullr get up.

Loki turned and saw him raised Loki’s discarded ‘weapon’ ready to strike Thor from behind

“Thor!”

Thor spun around and grabbed his wrist just as he brought it down. Ullr’s face was a mask of rage and Thor’s was no different

This bastard had been waiting here for Loki, to assault him and force himself on him!

He felt so much anger and hatred go through him, his body shook with it.

Nay, it didn’t shake.

It vibrated

Loki felt a thrum start from the base of his spine upwards, like a caress, a pressure that he’d never sensed before. He felt it move to his shoulders, then his collar, then snake to his arms where it increased, in a compressed power he’d never felt before.

Light illuminated from the marks at his forearms and he let out a shout a second before it released.

A huge, soundless blast erupted from his palms and hurled Ullr back against the wall with a stomach-turning snap and crunch. His body twisted at an impossible angle, like a handkerchief that had been wound and curled in the hands of a bored wielder.

His eyes were wide in shock, his hand still clenched around the poker but no life remained in him. He looked unreal, turned and coiled in a grotesque shape right before their eyes.

There he lay, dead.

Loki was pale, his hands over his mouth as he stared at the body in shock. Thor was froze, looking at his hands from where the power had come to do this to Ullr.

He’d killed him with a force and power he’d never felt before.

He’d killed him!

Thor turned and his heart clenched when Loki gasped and backed away, shocked

Thor held up his hands “It’s alright, I will not hurt you. I won’t. Whatever happened to my hands, it’s over, aye? I won’t hurt you”

Loki swallowed thickly and nodded, letting Thor walk over and hold out his hands. He was giving Loki the option of touching them or not.

“We have to leave” Thor told him “go to my room, have a drink, I will pack everything for you and then follow, alright?”

He stepped far from him, to let him pass through their connecting door.

“Go”

Loki nodded, his face pale, his knees shaking. He rushed to Thor’s room and closed the door behind him.

He couldn’t help but lock it before he slid down against it, his hands over his face, his eyes wide.

What the hell had he just witnessed and what was he going to do now?

He didn’t know the answer, but one thing was certain. He had to get Thor and leave this place.

They had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GASP! AN UPDATE FROM ME!? AMAZING.
> 
> Sorry for the slow updates lmao. Life is hard and I have to answer so many beautiful, inspiring comments. If I didn't answer yours, I am getting to it, I swear


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Nay, I love that place” Thor said “but…we cannot ignore what I did. And seeing you afraid of me, it…”  
“I am not afraid of you” Loki cut in  
That surprised Thor and he looked at him, a little confused.  
“You are not?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOOO I LIVE.

The news of Lord Ullr’s death spread through Society like a wildfire. There were already rumors of the occult having taken place and many people who claimed to have witnessed him drawing demonic symbols on the floor. Others claimed they saw him twist in mid air and that was why the ball had been so frantically ended. Nearly everyone had a story of their own.

There were mass parties and soirees of those who had attended, hosted by those who wished to know the details. Details that were exaggerated and flourished to its fullest horror until no one really knew what happened.

No one except for Thor and Loki, who had made their return home swift.

They were halfway back, their journey was long and with the night falling so quickly, they had to dismount their rented carriage and take an inn for the night.

Thor was wary

Loki seemed to be afraid of him, though the intensity of that fright was no longer visible. He didn’t flinch when Thor spoke, he didn’t look at him cautiously like he’d done when they left Ullr’s home.

He didn’t want to, but Thor felt evil. He felt like he should be far from Loki, locked away so he could do no harm to anyone.

He felt dangerous.

And he was sure Loki thought him dangerous.

By the way he avoided his gaze, Thor felt his thoughts very clearly.

He cleared his throat and made Loki look at him, saw no caution in his eyes, just…questioning.

“Do you still wish for me to accompany you to Seidr?”

Loki frowned “Pardon? Do you not want to?”

The thought sunk his heart in a thick sea of despair

“Nay, I love that place” Thor said “but…we cannot ignore what I did. And seeing you afraid of me, it…”

“I am not afraid of you” Loki cut in

That surprised Thor and he looked at him, a little confused.

“You are not?”

“No” Loki walked over “Granted, I was …alarmed and taken aback but I am not afraid of you, Thor. I don’t think I can be.”

“But you flinched away from me like I was a demon or a monster” Thor frowned

“I was taken aback and if I made you feel that way, I apologize” Loki stopped before him “I didn’t intend for you to feel that”

He reached out and touched the lapels of Thor’s coat.

“You saved me” he looked up at him “I trust you more than I have trusted anyone. Thor, never doubt that”

He moved closer to place a kiss at the corner of Thor’s lips.

“Please” Loki smiled “do not think that way.”

Thor felt a tension ease within his heart and his lips curved into a smile.

“To be fair” he said “you were doing very well before I got there”

Loki gave him a dry look and Thor winced

“Forgive me”

“Aye, ‘forgive me’” Loki scoffed, stepping back “get into bed, we have to leave early tomorrow if we are to get to the next checkpoint”

“As you wish, my lord” Thor smiled

The hour was late and the night was slightly cold so they quietly agreed to have Thor hold Loki in his arms as they lay together, waiting to sleep.

Thor had his arms around his waist and could feel the soft, tender way Loki ran his fingers around his arm, over the fine hair on his arm, lost in his thoughts. He was thinking, too.

His anger had brought that power upon him, he’d felt all of it. It was a part of him

And he was going to go back to the Isle and get to that place again to see if he found anything or not.

“Are you still awake?” Loki asked

“Aye” Thor whispered “I’m thinking”

“About what happened?” Loki asked “or something else?”

“I can hardly think of anything else” Thor sighed “it…I cannot believe you are this calm”

“Truly, part of me thinks I imagined it all” Loki confessed “but another part is relieved and a small, tiny part is not really surprised by it. It is surprised about what happened, but not that it happened. I am not surprised that there is magic”

“Have you experienced something like this in your life?” Thor asked him

His stroking stopped

“Perhaps” Loki said “I cannot describe it properly”

“Describe it the way you can” Thor told him

“Well” Loki played with Thor’s fingers “it happened when the laboratory burnt down. I was running towards the fire, before Balder caught me. There was a small moment, a tiny one, so small that I think it didn’t happen. But when I am alone with my thoughts, I think it did”

“What happened?” Thor asked softly

Loki frowned, hesitated “The fire pushed me back”

Thor stilled

“I was going towards it, I wanted to save what I could but there was an energy, it came from the fire itself, it wrapped around me and pushed me back so Balder could grab me” Loki told him “it wouldn’t let me into the fire”

“Did you hear anything other than the fire?” Thor asked

Loki frowned and looked over his shoulder at him “What do you mean?”

“When I was there, before I lost consciousness in that dip of land, I heard something” Thor told him “Like…bells, small tinkling bells”

Loki set his head down and thought about it, a furrow in his brow “No, I didn’t hear that. But … I did hear something”

“What did you hear?”

Loki bit his lip “Laughter”

Thor felt a chill go through his body at that, “Laughter?”

“Aye” Loki said “I know it sound mad but I swore I heard it. I was soft, deep and I do not know where it came from but there was definitely laughter that came from there.”

Thor took his hand in his own and gave it a squeeze “Then I think we will have to go and have another look. Because whatever that was, it’s now under my control”

“I think we should call it what it is, now, Thor”

“And what is it?”

“Magic”

The word was so irrational, so fantastic, but it was to be said.

Magic

That had been what Thor now had in his veins.

***

Their return was just as surprising as their departure but it was with relief that Thor returned the unfired gun to Heimdall. He had given him a nod of approval and asked for his company after they settled down.

If anyone knew something about this, it had to be Heimdall.

He was of sound mind and knowledge, of course he was the one who would know.

So, once Loki was busy with his unpacking and telling their tale to Fandral, Thor slipped out to meet with Heimdall.

The man was overlooking the building of the shelters that Loki had ordered to be build.

Thor had to hand it to him. It was not easy to build a laboratory and a colony of shelters at the same time. However, he was doing a wonderful job.

That came as no surprise

Thor lifted a hand in greeting and Heimdall walked towards him, a smile on his face.

“Looks like you are having fun” he said “we should depart again”

Heimdall gave him a dry look “Try not to. What happened?”

“Well, that is what I am here to talk to you about” Thor nodded ahead “Walk with me”

Heimdall was taken by curiosity but he had to halt it when they heard thumping and a loud neigh that only one animal could make.

“Ah, of course”

Thor turned to see Sleipnir run at him

“There you are” he held his arms open

Sleipnir came to nudge him, paw at him and grunt, demanding he let him know where he went and why. How could he leave without him?

“I am sorry” Thor kissed his head “I missed you, too”

Heimdall watched when Sleipnir slowly lowered to sit on the ground once Thor started to scratch his ears.

“Good lad” he said “now stay here, I will be back”

Sleipnir, of course, didn’t obey so the two of them were now accompanied by a fat, curious horse.

Heimdall knew Thor was waiting till they were far enough from the fear of anyone over hearing and it proved true when Thor cleared his throat to speak once they were away.

“I wish to ask you about that fire in Loki’s laboratory” Thor told him “could you tell me what the cause could have been?”

“Ah” Heimdall said “I suspected arson. But that turned out to be a dead theory. But with everything burnt, we assumed Loki forgot to turn down a burner, even though he swears he didn’t forget. And he is a diligent man, but at that time he was a little upset”

“Was it one of the times Balder had left?” Thor asked

“Aye” Heimdall sighed “the boy always got so flustered when that happened. It was only luck that he returned that day. Otherwise Loki would have leapt into the fire to save his things”

Thor hummed and Heimdall arched a brow in question

“Why do you ask?”

“I just…” Thor licked his lips nervously “I got affected by something there. It was this glittering mass, like dust floating in the air. And when I touched it, it launched itself at me and knocked me unconscious”

“Dust” Hiemdall asked

“Aye” Thor said “have you ever seen anything like that here?”

“No, but if you wish we can both go there to examine the place” Heimdall offered

“I would be very grateful” Thor told him

He was relieved that he didn’t think him crazy and walked with him towards that strange dip of land. They parted the vines and leaves that Thor had gone through last time and looked behind when they saw Sleipnir stopped behind them, looking at them.

His ears were pulled back and he looked agitated.

“Come on, boy” Thor said “come with us”

Sleipnir neighed softly and paws the ground, backing away. He didn’t want to go in there.

Thor frowned but he let him be and went with Hiemdall to that dip of land.

It was the same as it had been, except that Thor’s hands tingled a little this time. Like the buzzing of bee, he could feel the vibrations.

Something was definitely strange with this place.

“It was here” Thor went to where he’d first seen that dust “and I can feel something.”

“Something?” Heimdall asked “What do you mean?”

“I do not know” Thor frowned “Buzzing?

He reached out to touch the grass when his sleeve pulled back and the edge of his tattoo caught it eye.

It was turned to the right.

His eyes widened as he stared and shifted to the right, seeing it turn a little straighter.

“What?” Heimdall asked

“Look”

He pulled his sleeve back and showed him the moving tattoo

Heimdall had to blink a few times before he saw it, but every time Thor shifted, the arrowhead at his wrist did the same.

“Follow it” Heimdall said “go on”

Thor stood and started walking to where it took him, Heimdall was right behind him.

The grounds they were on, were beautiful. As with the rest of the isle, the grass was soft and sweet to step on, the flowers blooming with all their strength. Color flowed around them in the form of plants and birds and small animals that scattered when they walked through.

Light fell in beams over them as Thor followed the mark on his wrist till they were far from the place Loki’s laboratory had once been.

Soon, the grass began to change and it was when it crunched that Heimdall put a hand on Thor’s arm and halted him

“What?”

“This is no longer our territory” Heimdall whispered “come on, we are trespassing”

Thor nodded and stepped back.

But he couldn’t deny it. There was something here. His hands were itching for it, whatever was in him, the answer lay ahead of them, in the lands before them.

“Whose lands are those?” he asked

“Lord Surtur” Heimdall said “he’s a cruel man, kills his own people when he is angry enough.”

They were hidden in a line of trees and the difference between their lands and Surtur’s was clear.

His grass was dead, brown and gone. There were dried, fragile bushes with barely any browned leaves on them.

There were dead trees fallen over, no one had picked them up and the cries of a few ravens echoed around them.

It was depressing, he wondered how any magic could even survive here. Nothing else seemed to.

He could make out the strange shape of his manor in the distance.

“What is wrong with this place?” Thor asked “it’s dead”

“A lot of internal war” Heimdall sighed “If what you seek is there, then it’s better that you do not go here. Leave it be”

Thor hummed but he’d made up his mind to come back here and have a look around. Surely there were no guards taking care of this dead corner of his lands.

They turned and went back, eventually the buzzing in his hands receded and Thor could relax again.

For now, he was satisfied by what he’d seen.

They were halfway back, deciding upon taking a round of the borders, especially Byliestr’s part of it. Heimdall told him he’d been silent far too long and that was not a good sign. His limited mind started to hatch up schemes when he was halted from bothering Loki for too long.

He didn’t want any incidents to occur again, all of them had enough to deal with, with all the shelters and guests they were still dealing with.

Heimdall told him about the minor issues that they had been dealing with in the past few days and that with Loki and Thor gone, some of the soldiers and lower ranking knights were starting to act up.

“Now, usually, Balder had a firm talking to with them” Heimdall told him “that got them in line, however, you are not him, so I will tell you exactly who the trouble makers are so you can speak to them all in private, aye? That way the chances of you being discovered are significantly lowered”

“Understandable” Thor nodded

They walked in synch but stopped when they passed the recluse’s hut and saw her glowering at them angrily from where the was.

She lived close to the abbey and was often seen with the nuns, either talking to them or borrowing something. This time, however, she was glaring at Thor with such hostility that Heimdall raised a brow.

“How may I help you, Madam?” he asked in a no nonsense, stern voice.

Thor envied his ability to do that, to make people cower just by a word.

However the recluse didn’t cower, she walked forward, gaining the attention of a few nuns who were farming out on the fertile soil.

“You guide the imposter through our lands as though he is one of us” she hissed “this is a witch you brought to our lands, a witch that will bring death upon our lands, you betray everyone”

Thor stared at her, unsure of how to proceed and Heimdall levelled his own glare at her.

“I would advise you to be very careful, madam” he said “this is your ruler, you speak of”

“My ruler is dead” the recluse said “this is a creature from unknown origins that you have set in his place, may the Lord help you. He is even marked by the devil, I can see it”

“Enough, Recluse!” Heimdall barked, his stance dangerous “you speak to Lord Balder, my liege and leader. If you keep talking the way you are, you will be held accountable for those words and banished from this isle, do you understand?”

Thor tugged the sleeve of his tunic lower and looked at his glove, satisfied that he was wearing it.

The nuns were all watching and Prioress Sigyn was intrigued by what was happening.

“You will bring doom upon us all” the recluse told Thor ominously “the prophecy states that a stranger will walk these lands and bring our end upon us”

“I am sorry you feel this way, madam” Thor sighed “but I am not who you say I am”

“You are not who you say you are, either” she stepped back “you will see. All of you think me mad, but you will see, all of you will see I am right”

Heimdall said nothing as she backed away and went to her home, closing the door behind her depressing little hut.

He took a deep inhale and then sighed, looking at Thor

“Forgive me, my lord, as you know she can be tiresome to deal with”

“Of course, tis no problem” Thor told him “let her be”

“Aye, sir”

They were acting the part, for the nuns were all watching and Thor gave them a smile, then went on his way with Hiemdall, not really sure how to handle what had just happened.

However, he did mention it to Loki over lunch and Loki hissed

“That woman” he said “truly, she is a bother sometimes. She told me the same before the jousting and I told her not to repeat it. Happy to hear that my warning fell on deaf ears”

“To be fair” Thor wiped his lips with a napkin before he set it down “Most of mine go on deaf ears, too. Usually, I punch people after that. Would you like to have a round with her in the training ring?”

Loki gave him a dry glare “Must you make this a joke?”

“Must you murder me with your eyes?” Thor countered “I could ask obviously answered questions, too”

“Thor, this is not funny, what if people begin to believe her?” he asked

“Would you?” Thor took another bite of lunch “if she was telling you something like this, would you believe her?”

Loki thought about it a moment “Well, no, but…”

“Then there is nothing to worry about” Thor shrugged “actually, there is. How does she know?”

“I do not know” Loki said “but we must find out. Nothing good can come of this”

“I will send someone to ask her” Thor said “probably that boy Fandral is gushing over”

“Valka?” Loki snickered “Good luck, he hardly talks to Fandral, he will never speak to you”

“He’s shy” Thor shrugged “so are you”

“I am not shy” Loki protested “I just choose the people I speak to with utmost care and discretion”

“Aye, aye, that’s what it is” Thor snickered “that is why you avoided me so long when I first arrived here”

“Well, your hair didn’t help” Loki said “you looked like a demon”

“Have you ever seen a demon?” Thor lifted his chin a bit

“No, but I have seen you” Loki smirked “tis the same”

“I think that under all that sweetness, you are still a brat” Thor concluded “I know it”

“How did we come to this topic?” Loki tilted his head to the side “finish your lunch, we have to make an appearance at the shelters to let them know that we are doing what we can to make sure they finish on time”

“The rains are not helping” Thor looked to the skies “are they always so frequent in this time of the year?”

“No, this year they just…decided not to leave” Loki told him “the mist is lingering, too”

“Casts a rather romantic light upon the isle, doesn’t it?”

“Are you going to recite poetry now?” Loki teased

“Maybe” Thor smiled “if it gets you to come here and kiss me, aye”

Loki felt his cheeks prickle as he started to blush and Thor grinned slowly.

“And you say you are not shy”

He ducked the bread roll that had become mysteriously airborne, his laughter echoing in the room.

***

Their life started to go smoothly after things settled. Soon enough, the shelters were on the verge of completion, Thor took daily rounds with Fandral or Hiemdall and on occasion, there was an incident where Sleipnir snuck into the abbey vegetable patch and pulled out all the carrots, which he devoured and ended up falling asleep in the potatoes.

Prioress Sigyn had reported the incident a few times and eventually, Thor put a barbed wire fence around the carrots just to keep him away. It worked, but more often than not, Sleipnir was seen lingering around it, looking at the carrots as he tried to figure out a way to get to them.

So far, he hadn’t been able to.

When he wasn’t hunting for carrots, he walked behind Thor, or next to him, as he did his rounds.

Sometimes, he let him ride him, sometimes he nudged him and tried to get him to play. He would slide his head under Thor’s arm and nuzzle him so that they were close.

Thor adored his horse and he often talked to him because, to him, Sleipnir was a great listener once he was fed and sated.

But of course there were days when Thor was alone because Sleipnir would be waddling after Svadilfari.

Thor would never admit it to Sleipnir but Svadilfari was gorgeous. He was a magnificent steed and had the patience of a saint with his stupid fat animal.

They shared food and whenever Svadilfari took his solitary walks, he let him walk with him, sometimes slowing his pace to let him catch up. Sometimes Sleipnir would bite the end of Svadilfari’s tail and Svadilfari would tolerate it.

On more than one occasion he’d seen Svadilfari lean up and pluck apples off a tree, dropping them to the ground so Sleipnir could have them, too.

It was sweet, Thor smiled.

Then, there were sweeter things like when Loki accompanied him in his rounds.

Those were the ones Thor looked forward to

They’d hold hands, sometimes. Sometimes, they would only link their smallest fingers together.

Loki had the habit of bumping into Thor as they walked and Thor found it endearing. He’d put his arm around Loki’s shoulders and Loki would blush, letting Thor keep their fingers entwined at his shoulder while they walked.

This afternoon, they made their way towards the stunning mountain side where Loki’s new laboratory was being built.

It was still in the works but the walls and ceiling were in place.

Loki smiled as he let Thor in and showed him the stonework and materials he’d handpicked for this construction.

“You have a good eye” he told Loki “all of this is amazing material, Loki”

Loki looked at him over his shoulder and blushed “Thank you”

He looked lovely this morning, as he did every day, with his hair opened and his loose light grey tunic complimenting his pale skin. Everything he wore complimented him.

Thor didn’t understand how Balder hadn’t fallen in love with him.

He could have sworn he was.

“Come here” Loki slipped into the back portion of his laboratory “Look at this”

There were no windows in this part of the laboratory, only small sections at the top where the roof met the walls, where there were vents for the air to leave.

“And what is this?” Thor asked

“Tis a cauldron” Loki smiled “I had it special ordered from abroad. They say real witches used it and lost it in a battle”

He ran his fingers over the edge of it

“There are runes and dents on it but I had to have it”

Thor snorted “Real witches? Well, you know that makes you one then”

Loki gave him a glare “Nay. It does not”

Thor chuckled and placed a hand on his back, stroking it lightly.

“Well, what will you do with it?”

“Just…boil things” Loki bit his lip “it’s just a large pot, I can just use it like I did the others I had. Except this will only limit me to one concoction, but then again, I could focus on it entirely.”

“That is good either way” Thor told him “So, will you use it to make love potions again”

Loki laughed “There is no thing as a love potion. I merely use a little bit of poppy to make the people believe that they are on a higher plane of affection”

“You use drugs?” Thor grinned, “I wish to be on a higher plane of affection right now”

“I am not going to give you…” Loki broke off “Oh…”

He blushed again and looked around

“Here?” he asked “Truly?”

“Why not?” Thor asked “it’s exciting, we did it before, did we not? And what better way to inaugurate this beautiful place?”

“I could cut a ribbon” Loki turned to look at him “it would be easier and all my clothes would be on”

“But where’s the fun in that?” Thor grinned, bending to kiss his neck “and you wouldn’t feel as good as I make you feel”

Loki hummed, his eyes falling closed when Thor started to mouth at his neck “Oh, that’s a good point”

His arms slid around Thor’s shoulders and he let out a moan when Thor nuzzled his skin, leaving a little bite before he kissed it.

Loki groaned and moved closer, deepening the kiss. Thor was immediately gripped by a tide of urgency and longing, the same dizzying brew of emotions that he always felt whenever he kissed Loki.

Brew…

That would give Loki a laugh, he thought.

“Loki…” he whispered “Bloody hell, I should not have followed you here”

Loki felt a recklessness within him, a boldness he hadn’t felt before. He slipped his arms under Thor’s tunic and smiled at him.

“I make my own decisions”

Thor raised his head just far enough that he could look at him and he smiled.

“Clearly”

He walked him back till he was up against one of the stone and rock supports that the cauldron was bolted into.

“Do they match mine, at least?”

“For the moment, yes” Loki bit his lip and tipped his head back when Thor kissed him “Aye, yes, so perfectly matched”

The low, grating thrum of his voice made Thor feel strong and he bit his neck while his hands went to the laces of Loki’s trousers. He parted his legs and moved to stand between them as he slid them off his hips, just enough to be able to touch him.

Loki keened softly “There is something about you”

“Aye, blondes do have more fun” Thor jested, kissing him again

“No” Loki smiled “there is something about you, Thor”

He kissed him as though underscoring every word.

“God help me, there is something only you can do to me”

His hands went to the pilaster he was set on and he groaned as Thor stripped him of his shoes and trousers then got between his thighs.

Loki bit his lip and looked up at him, making Thor groan loudly. He reached out and ran a hand through Loki’s hair, feeling it run through his fingers.

“What do you wish me to do?” Thor grasped the hair at the back of his head “Hm?”

Loki smiled “I think you know exactly what I want, Odinson”

Thor grinned very slowly.

He felt Loki’s hands on his shirt, undoing it before he put his lips on Thor’s collar bone, above his tattoo.

He groaned, cradling the back of his head to keep him there and slid his other hand up Loki’s thighs to the fullness between his legs, the one that drove Loki mad.

Loki let out a whimper

“I have you” Thor kissed his head “I won’t ever hurt you”

Loki’s hand slipped to the front of his trousers and he undid them before he pulled his member out and started to stroke it slowly.

Thor slipped a finger into him and Loki gasped, clenching around it in his need.

“Oh…”

Loki set his forehead against Thor’s shoulder and panted heavily.

“Thor…”

“Aye”

Thor felt Loki stroke and please him with his hand while he did the same, slipping two fingers in him a few seconds later and rubbing against his slick, wet walls.

Loki bit his lip and arched his hips up while Thor moved against his palm. He kissed him hard, Loki put his hands on his shoulders, feeling his muscle and bone under it and returned the kiss as he bucked into his hand.

Thor prepared him, getting him slick and ready for him, then pulled his fingers out when Loki was shivering in anticipation. He always felt the sensation of a thrill that came with standing on the edge of a cliff and looking down upon the waters of the sea beside his isle.

Thor moved closer, this time pressed fully to him and Loki groaned at the feel of his trousers scraping against the sensitive skin on the inside of his legs.

His hands concentrated on the powerful contours of Thor’s chest, of the feel of his skin beneath his finger tips and how he felt when he raked his nails down Thor’s back. The sight of his broad shoulders under the light allowed by the vents at the ceiling was so inexplicably satisfying, that Loki couldn’t resist leaning over and biting one.

Thor groaned and moved into him, making Loki gasp and pull him closer to his own body. He was lean and hard and that swell of excitement he felt was at his fullest as Thor pushed in further.

A shudder went through him, he was taut as a bow and groaned when he took Thor into his slick heat. For a few heartbeats, they didn’t move when they became one, then Thor’s teeth nipped at the top of his ear and he started to move.

Loki’s nails dug into his back, his legs wrapped around his waist and he heard him moan into his ear.

He shivered and moaned while Thor gasped, holding his hips in his hands as he started to pump in and out of him.

Every drag of his thick member had Loki moan, had him bite Thor’s shoulder while Thor pulled him closer, making him see stars whenever he rubbed against Loki’s sweet spot.

It was ecstatic for both of them

Their release was upon them before they were both ready and they whispered incoherent words of love and adoration as their worlds turned white

The cauldron had seen too much so they gave it a mercy and lay on the floor over Thor’s cloak, slowly kissing one another.

They yearned for each other even now. It was something neither of them had truly felt before and they cherished it

They cherished each other.

Loki pulled back after the kiss and smiled at Thor, running a thumb over his lips before he lay down to look at him.

“What?”

“Nothing” Loki smiled, playing with his hair “I have just never seen anyone like you in my life”

“Actually…”

Thor shut up when Loki placed a finger on his lips

“Not now” Loki told him “Just stay silent”

Thor grinned, kissed his finger and lay with him, neither of them wanting to move.

And neither of them really sat the runes on Thor’s skin glow just a little bit before they turned to normal.

Of course, eventually, they had to go back and once they were dressed and able to keep their hands off one another, they walked back.

Loki wanted to check out the shelters and Thor had something else in mind.

“I wanted to have a look in the other direction” Thor kissed his hand “I will return before dinner”

“Aye, go do your exploring” Loki smirked “just be careful”

“I shall” Thor stepped away “farewell, beloved”

The word surprised Loki, but in the best possible way. His cheeks flushed and he looked at his hands, biting his lip to keep from smiling too much

He’d liked the way it felt.

He went to the shelters to over look everything and Thor took a walk towards the dip of ground again. He looked behind him to see no one around and made his way to the edge again.

He knew Heimdall wouldn’t like this but there was no helping it. The marks on his forearm shifted again, leading him towards his answers and he stopped at the border when dead brown leaves decayed at his feet on the part of Loki’s land that no one came to.

The grass here wasn’t sweet, it was unkempt and over grown, like a border that stopped his land from the dry, arid one ahead.

The grass gave way to the yellowed, cracked face of the earth, so hardened by neglect and abandonment that nothing but desolation lay before him. He left no prints in the hard ground, but he cracked the dried, dead twigs and leaves that were unfortunate enough to fall upon this surface.

Even the skies in the distance were grey and dusty.

It was hard to imagine any life here.

The lifeless color of death was spread everywhere.

Defertilized

Inhuman

Strange

The further Thor stepped into it, he expected an attack, a guard, someone around but there was nothing.

There was no sun but the ground burned, his shadow was beneath him without a hint of sunlight. There was a no wisp of cloud or whisper of wind, it was still, grey and fantastic in the direst way.

He feet encountered a different long before Thor realized it. It was only when walking became a little harder that he looked down and frowned when he saw silt and sand melding between his feet rather than the hard cracked, puzzle of ground.

He looked behind him and the border was far behind him, as though he’d walked for miles. And he didn’t remember it.

However, his hands began to thrum, he could feel a magic surround him.

He licked his lips and walked onwards, knowing there was an answer here. Or at least if not an answer, there was something here.

In Surtur’s cursed lands.

Thor expected no life because he’d seen no tracks, nothing that indicated that anything had thrived here. His feet pressed into the sand below when he walked towards the only building in the distance, which somehow seemed to be getting farther.

He felt like he was in another realm, devoid of life and color.

There was little tiredness in him but he was alert, especially when he sensed thunder rumble in the distance.

He looked up, not willing to believe it ever rained here but saw no clouds, only a grey blur that indicated that there had been sky there at some point. Nothing showed, but worse, he realized was that the noise that felt like extended thunder didn’t come from the skies

It came from the earth itself.

The vibrations he felt came from below.

And they moved left and right, as though an earthquake

Thor looked stricken and looked around, for – for something, controlled his panic and started to retreat.

But there was movement ahead, sudden and quick, making him look up.

For a moment, he didn’t understand, for a moment, he thought he was hallucinating or seeing what wasn’t there.

Sand sprayed into the air at the horizon, vanishing behind dunes and broken, jagged rocks and appearing on the other side as it moved. Then a large shape dove into his sight above the hills and vanished

It blew up into the skies, high above, like water from whales as they crested from the deep.

But to see something like this in the sand? Thor shook his head and took the step back just as a large form bloated the sands from where they blew upwards and grew bigger.

There was something _under_ the sands, racing through them.

That was what caused the rumbles.

Thor stepped back, deciding he had seen enough but his eyes widened when that shape took an abrupt turn and started to tear through the sands and towards him.

It was heading for him!

He turned tail and ran, trying his best as he ran from whatever creature was coming towards him, not daring to glance back.

But with every step be took, he felt the vibration from behind come closer and he knew he had little chance of escape.

It was gaining on him

He heard a low from behind him, like a creature of massive size and weight called to him but he didn’t stop.

He had to get back.

The shape behind him was close, so close he could feel the sand shifting back now and turned the side, falling to the sands and rolled over the hill of sand and silt that rose beside him.

He fled again and toppled into the sand, staring in shock as a huge creature leapt from the sands, high above as it propelled itself with a tail larger than he’d ever seen.

It was larger than the whales he’d seen, but not dissimilar

A glaciated back of rock and hide shone in the strange light of this land as it twisted in the air. It’s feet, four in all, hung low as its tail impelled it into the air where it flew upwards before bending into an arc to fall backwards.

Thor saw a massive snout, shaped strong and broad like a hammer and red eyes that locked on him before it hit the sands and erupted them upwards, dousing him in the strange, burning stuff.

He heard the low again and the creature dug into the sands, swimming through them with ease.

The vibrating started to fade and with his heart pounding and his eyes wide as saucers, Thor saw that thing go back under the sand and leave it undisturbed.

He was panting, covered in sand and slowly slid backwards, consciously trying to make as little noise as possible.

Then, once he felt the hot, cracked ground beneath his palm, he stood and ran back to Seidr, leaving the creature behind.

And he missed the eyes of a treacherous figure watching him as it stood behind a dried, sickened tree and smile with teeth that were blackened around the edges and white skin just as cracked as the ground it stood on.

***

Loki saw Thor looked – odd.

He was quieter than he usually was, his face a little pale and he kept shaking his head as though to rid of a memory he either despised or didn’t want to think on.

He’d barely slept, too, Loki knew this because for the past two nights, he had tossed and turned in bed but never really slept.

Something was off about him.

He hoped it would pass by tonight otherwise he would speak to him about it after dinner.

Right now, he needed to concentrate.

He was brewing in the cauldron and Thor was staring at the floor, his eyes going wide, then relaxing unconsciously in response to his thinking.

Whatever was going on in his mind was clearly bothering him.

And in response, it was bothering Loki now.

He wanted to make an absolute measure of his sweet rose powder but whenever he tried, he would look at Thor and see that look in his face.

Loki set his tools down

“Will you tell me?”

Thor startled and looked up “Pardon?”

“Something has been on your mind for the past two days” Loki said “something that clearly bothers you, so either tell me so we can solve it or tell Heimdall. Whichever you choose, use it to fix what bothers you”

“I do not think you will like what is going through my mind” Thor said “and hardly believe it”

To that, Loki frowned. He walked over to him and saw that Thor was not odd.

He was disturbed.

“Thor”

He placed a hand on his cheek

“Thor, what’s wrong?”

Before he could answer, heavy footsteps ran into the laboratory and Fandral ran in, his face pale

“Loki” he whispered “Amora is dead”

Loki went cold, then shook his head “What?”

“Who is Amora?” Thor asked

“The Recluse” Loki whispered

He went after Fandral and Thor immediately followed.

They weren’t that far, they could see the crowd gathered around the body. Some of the nuns were there, making crosses across their chests while a few men stared in horror.

And when they saw her, they knew why.

Amora’s face was covered with protruding black veins.

Loki’s eyes widened and he turned away, making Thor pull him back as he stepped over

“Fandral, remove the crowd”

Fandral nodded and went to do as he asked, pushing people away and telling them to go home. There was nothing to see here.

They relented after a few minutes of repeatedly asking what happened and being told that none of them knew, then left, eager to spread the horrific news to their friends and anyone who would listen

No one liked her

This was no loss to them.

Loki couldn’t look at her and Thor knelt beside her to touch her throat to check her pulse, but there wasn’t one.

She was cold as ice and he sighed, looking at the ground.

“She came out here, likely to look for help when this happened” he pointed to the trail in the muddy ground of her home

“She looks like she was poisoned” Fandral said

Loki rubbed his arms and gained strength enough to look, not at her face, but the vicinity of where her body lay.

“We need to have a burial” he muttered

“Aye, of course” Fandral assured him

Something was knocked over inside the house and Thor felt a _very_ familiar thrumming in his hands.

The same one he felt when he walked towards Surtur’s lands.

He tensed, his body going stiff in realization.

“Both of you stay back” he straightened “Someone is here”

Fandral pulled his blade out and Loki looked stricken

Her killer was inside!

Thor felt the thrumming and walked towards the doors, unarmed

“Thor…”

Thor raised a hand to silence Loki and Fandral followed him towards the house.

“Stay outside and protect Loki” Thor told him.

He pushed open the slightly ajar door and stepped into the house where the essence of hard cruel magic filled the house.

He could hear breathing and feel the heartbeat of the magic wielder that was in the house.

And there, it stood before him

Skin like cracked ice, blacked on her face where the lines were thickest, dry as bone. Hellish yellow teeth were shining in a crooked, terrifying smile and snake like black eyes focused on him.

There stood the witch that had killed the recluse.

Her long crooked nose and matted black hair all added to the elements that made her up.

He didn’t even need to think about what she was.

But he knew.

This was a witch from Surtur’s lands.

She let out an inhuman screech and blasted him with a spell that threw him back, breaking through the window of the Recluse’s house and out into the mud.

Loki let out a shout of surprise, then another when she shot out from the house and ran towards the woods.

“Get her!” Fandral ran after her

Thor got to his feet and gave chase

“No, don’t!”

The witch threw a spell over her shoulder and it missed Fandral, but shocked him into stopping, staring at her in disbelief.

Thor snatched his sword and ran after her, ignoring the calls of Loki and Fandral from behind.

He could hear her laughter as she ran through the trees, faster than anyone he’d ever seen.

But he seemed to be matching her speed and was at her heels, his anger and adrenaline driving him forth.

They burst through the trees into the dip of land and she made her way towards the borders, heading for Surtur’s land.

Thor growled and struck out with the sword, hitting her in the shoulder and unbalancing her enough that she fell down into the grass.

He was upon her in a second, holding her down with his boot on her back

“Who are you!?”

She cackled, turned and threw a spell into his face, but Thor halted it before he knew what he was doing. It was instinct, holding a hand out and blocking whatever she’d thrown at him, surprising her and himself.

Her devlish eyes widened and she stared at him in shock.

They heard Loki and Fandral coming behind them and Thor made the spell disintegrate before looking to her again

“What are you doing here?” he rasped

“You steal our belongings, come to our lands and I cannot come to yours?” she grinned

She laughed, a hellish screech of her joy, before she vanished from beneath his foot, leaving him with only the memory of her and the horrifying realization of what he’d done.

He stood there, looking at his hand where the magic still strained, eager to escape, when Fandral and Loki jogged over

“What the hell was that!?”

Thor turned at his question, seeing Loki’s face pale and shocked

“I think” Thor whispered “that was a witch”

The mere word made his stomach churn and Fandral, who wouldn’t have believed it if he hadn’t seen it himself, stood there ghostly pale.

Thor turned to the spot she’d vanished to and then looked at Surtur’s lands.

“It can’t be a witch” Loki whispered “they don’t exist”

“It had magic” Fandral told him “whatever that was, it threw a spell at me, a ball that rot and killed a tree behind me”

Loki couldn’t believe it, still, and he came over to Thor

“Are you alright?”

Thor nodded “Yes…But I think this was my fault”

Both of them frowned and Thor took a deep breath

“I have to confess”

To say that Loki was not pleased by what he said was an understatement.

At first he refused to believe it, but slowly he began to, turning angrier and angrier as Thor revealed to him where he’d been and what he’d seen.

Fandral paced somewhere behind them, rubbing over his mouth in agitation.

“I am sorry” Thor said “I had no idea that I would bring this upon us, I swear, had I known…”

“You did know” Loki’s voice was cold “Heimdall warned you not to go, he told you!”

To that, Thor had no defense

He had told him, he had known.

“I am sorry” Thor whispered

“You should be” Fandral said “how in the bloody Norns are we supposed to deal with this? She killed one, what if she comes again to kill more?”

His mind was boggled!

Witches were real and not only were they real, they lived right next to them! Their borders matched and Thor’s trespassing had made them angry enough to come here and kill one of their people so mercilessly.

There was dark magic that existed around them and now they were vulnerable to it.

“I…” Thor began “I will …”

“You will what?” Loki hissed “Hm? What will you do, that will undo what you have already done?”

Thor had no reply and he ducked his head in shame and guilt.

“I am sorry” he whispered

“That repairs everything!” Fandral scoffed, shaking his head “You’re an idiot!”

He turned and stormed off, telling him he had to talk to Hiemdall and Loki stood with his arms crossed, glaring at Thor.

He didn’t know what to say, he felt betrayed and was upset.

Very, upset.

“How could you do this?” Loki whispered “How could you go there when you were told not to, when you were warned about it?”

That made Thor get irritated. He wanted answers, he had no idea what was happening and he thought he would find it there.

He knew he’d made a mistake but he just wanted to know what the damn thing inside his bloodstream was. He wanted answers, nothing more, he didn’t mean to cause this.

Thor grit his jaw “I wanted answers to what was happening to me. I felt the magic I have come from there, how was I to know that this was going to happen? You have no idea what it is like to have this thing inside me and not understand what is happening.”

“We could have found answers another way!” Loki snapped “you shouldn’t have gone there”

“Maybe I should never have come here, then, how about that?!” Thor growled “you brought me here, you begged me to be here, I was happy living my life on my own! I didn’t ask for this! I agreed to help you and your land did this to me!”

Loki was shocked, his eyes wide, stunned.

He looked lost for words and Thor didn’t wait for him to find them.

He turned and strode away, leaving him there, where his laboratory had once been.

He was angry and his magic was at his hands now, as though permanently activated. It was a part of him, like a limb he could now control, or a power he had at his fingertips, palms and wrists.

He clenched his hands in frustration.

He had to calm down.

Thor made for the beach and he didn’t stop till he reached it.

The waves crashing against the water and the cooling mist helped calm him.

He also saw Sleipnir flopped into the sand with his legs out in the most graceless way possible. He looked very much like a pig.

Thor’s lips curved into an unwilling smile and he sat in the sands, his knees pulled up to his chest, watching the waters crash and shift before him.

He would never admit it, not even to himself – but he was frightened.

By what was happening to him and by what he was capable of.

He was afraid of what he’d brought on Loki, who deserved none of it, and upon this beautiful land. He was unarmed against this enemy.

He didn’t know what to do.

His heart beat and each beat brought him closer to his magic, which was still with him. It hadn’t gone away like it did in the past.

He was very aware of it.

And it seemed to be aware of him.

Thor looked at a stone before him and stared at it for a few minutes, indecisive.

If his magic protected him from that witch, perhaps it would respond as it did when he killed Ullr.

His fingers twitched nervously and he let himself think of his magic instead of ignoring it.

“Alright” he whispered “alright…”

He set his hand on the sand and held his palm out, fingers loose.

“Come to me”

The stone shot through the sand and into his palm.

Thor gasped and pulled his hand back, staring at it in shock, then looked around to see if anyone had seen.

Nay, that wasn’t possible.

But he looked to it again and picked it up. There was nothing out of the ordinary about it, it was a regular stone.

He took another, scratched a rune into it and then threw it as hard as he could into the sea.

For a moment he didn’t do anything, waiting for the stone to vanish beneath the waves.

He set his hand on the sand again and this time, he concentrated. He thought of that rock sliding towards him and closed his eyes.

Something smooth and wet hit the palm of his hand.

His eyes flew open and he stared at the stone which rested in his hand now…etched with the rune he wrote.

Thor gasped “Norns be damned…”

A sense of thankfulness went over him, about how he had this power, out of the blue, unannounced. The source still baffled him, how long he had it for, still confused him, but in that moment, that one singular moment, he was grateful.

He felt he had purpose.

The feeling didn’t last long, it was dampened by the argument he’d had with Loki, then with his own stupidity in thinking that it was alright to explore that realm. That witch likely followed him here.

He didn’t really know what to do or how to make this better but he had to find a way to use his magic to protect these people.

And if it meant embracing the curse upon him, he would do that

He just needed to understand it better.

He stayed there for most of the day, moving only when Sleipnir woke from his over eating stupor and jogged over to nudge his shoulder.

“Aye, git” Thor groaned as he got to his feet “I am moving”

He had apologies to make.

He walked with Sleipnir, back towards Amora’s hut and saw it secluded. It was strange.

She was either lurking or glaring through the windows and knowing she wasn’t there, was a bit difficult for him to imagine.

Still, he walked on, past the gossiping people, the shock and awe and chatting that filled the air, then went to the stables to set Sleipnir in so he could sleep. He left him food to devour and then took the long route back to the manor.

It was going to be a rough night.

And of course, upon entering, he saw Fandral give him a loathsome glare, which he brushed off. For the moment, he was not important.

Going down the halls, he went to Loki’ study, where he could hear him speaking to someone. He stood by the door and saw Heimdall making notes and the two of them planning on burying Amora tomorrow while the Prioress stood by, adding her own suggestions every now and then.

It would be a small ceremony, it was decided, only a few people around. It would be done carefully and she would be laid to rest in peace.

After it was done, Heimdall and Sigyn bowed to Loki and then made their exit, leaving Thor to have his talk with Loki, who had turned his back to him at the pretense of organizing some papers.

Thor closed the door behind him and sighed

“I apologize” he said quietly “I spoke out of turn and was incredibly rude to you”

He knew Loki had heard him, the fact that he chose to ignore him was proof enough for it.

“I didn’t mean to lose my temper like that, I assure you, it will not happen again” he told him

Again, he got no response and exhaled

“Loki?”

“Aye?” Loki didn’t turn about

“Would you at least look at me?”

Loki set the papers down and turned to face him, arms crossed at his chest. From his posture it was clear he was still angry with him and Thor found difficulty in choosing his next words.

“I am sorry” Thor told him “I didn’t mean to upset you”

“I understand that you are worried” Loki’s voice was stern “but you could have spoken to me about it. It is not as though I am doing nothing for you”

He picked up the very papers he’d been organizing and walked over to Thor, who tensed

“Here”

He handed them to him

“Good night”

He opened the door and left, letting Thor look through them if he wanted to.

Thor glanced at the papers and saw weeks of research in his hands. Runes like his tattoos were explained, theories written in Loki’s hand writing, answers that Loki thought worthy were there before him.

He’d been trying to find answers for Thor.

A deep, heavy sense of guilt went through Thor and he groaned, sitting in one of the chairs to start reading.

Loki had been trying to help him all this time.

He set the papers on the desk as he went through them. There was even a theory that there was something hidden beneath the dip of land.

That one interested Thor more than the others because it seemed to be the most plausible.

He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed, looking at the study

It was clear he wouldn’t be welcome in Loki’s room tonight so he decided that this room would have to do for tonight.

That decided, he got a fur and a mat, set it up in front of the fire and let them warm. He had his dinner in the hall with the others and then made his way back to the study to sleep.

He kept reading the papers as he lay in bed, memorizing everything he read.

The runes dated back so long, their original time line was still unclear, but there were translations written down, some that Loki was still working on

This was incomplete but enough to give him some direction.

It was a thick stack of papers and he was absorbed in it, setting the ones he’d finished down by his head, so he didn’t really know how long he’d been here.

But it was late enough when the study door opened and Loki walked in, holding his robe closed.

“Thor?”

Thor didn’t expect him to be here at all and sat up, looking at him from under Loki’s large dining table desk.

“Yes?”

Loki frowned “What are you doing here? I have been looking for you everywhere”

“I was about to sleep” Thor put the papers carefully aside and stood “why?”

“You didn’t come upstairs to sleep” Loki frowned

“I felt unwelcome” Thor shrugged

Loki looked distressed and bit his lip “I wouldn’t want you to – to not be there. It was an argument, nothing more”

“Aye” Thor said “we both need to calm down tonight. I am fine here”

Loki’s stomach sunk and he felt sick at the thought of losing Thor but Thor was already settling down again, picking up his papers.

I left Loki to flounder then nod and turn away.

“I apologize” Loki whispered “good night”

“Good night, sweet dreams, Loki”

Loki looked at him over his shoulder and then walked out, closing the door lightly behind him. His heart felt heavy already and he thought he was losing him.

He didn’t want to, he didn’t want Thor to leave, not only for the isle, but for himself. He was attached to him, he was already seeing a future where he was alone and miserable.

He didn’t want him to leave.

Loki made his way back to his room, the halls looking bleaker than they had before and his chest heavier than it had been a moment ago.

He shouldn’t have yelled at Thor, he should have accepted his apology. Thor had no one here, he had this curse upon him that he didn’t understand and Loki hadn’t told him he was looking for a cure or answers for him.

Perhaps if he had, it would have been different.

He should have told him

Loki closed the door to his room and went to have a drink of water, just to delay going to bed alone. He didn’t want to admit that he was, the feeling was horrible inside his chest

He didn’t want that horrible feeling inside him again, the gaping wound left after the deaths of everyone he loved.

The water in his hand finished a little too soon and he went to pull back the drapes and get into his lonely bed once more.

The sheets were chilled, it was cold and yet that wasn’t the worst part of it. He looked at the windows as they showed the night sky outside and closed his eyes, forcing himself to doze off.

He didn’t know how long he stayed that way but his eyes flew open when Thor’s warm body came to settle behind him and his thick arm wrapped around his waist.

His lips kissed his nape and Loki’s lips curved into a smile.

“Goodnight” Thor whispered, stroking his hand

“Sleep well” Loki replied, closing his eyes once more

Sleep became easier after that


End file.
